I feel sick. I can't help myself whenever I'm alone I just think I need to cut, because it will distract me from wanting to do anything worse, or distract me from blurting everything out. What can I do to stop myself from doing it? I always regret it, and it only helps for such a small amount of time compared to how long it takes to heal, I want it to stop.

[ArtieGallow]

I think, what always helps is when you want to do it, see if there is anybody that you can go to for help. Because things are always better when you have someone to talk too. It seems you don't need advice, you just need someone to just listen.
Try and find out if there is anyone who can just listen to you, not judge, not try to give advice. But just to listen.

Yes, Thankyou for being understanding.

[KeepHoldingOn]

Are there other things you can do to distract yourself? (there’s a whole list here:http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=10310 )

Have you told your gp or school counselor at all? Can you talk to your parents about what is going on?

I agree with Artie, try to find someone who will listen and not judge. You need to surround yourself with a support team of people who are willing to help you out and be there through the good and the bad.

Here’s a couple more links that I have found very useful when I feel like SI’ing:

http://www.siriusproject.org/alternatives.htm

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/fself.html

[Sannah]

Working on it in therapy can help.

Thankyou. But s/h is the only way to distract me from suicidal feelings right now. I don't want to take that away if it makes it worse. I don't no what to do.

[Sannah]

I can understand SI releaving SU. Therapy can help you to decrease both. Are you afraid that a T would make you stop SI?

I don't know. I told my doc everything today, and she didn't go too much into it. I think she thinks it will stop when she helps me get past the suicidal feelings. But I do worry. Thanks, jess. X

[Elley]

[Sannah]

I'm glad that you told your doc. Keep us posted?

Hi, this is me keeping you posted.. Nothing much has happened apart from I'm seeing her again in 2 weeks. I regret telling her now though.
If anything I feel worse, ive just been hiding away from the world in bed every day. Nothing seems to be changing. My family don't understand, so theres no point me bringing them down again and ruining everything. I'm like a zombie, I sit and take nothing in at school, today I failed maths exam (which is 2o% of my overall grade) i just sat there thinking I couldn't do it, and telling myself it all doesnt matter that I fail because i won't need it and I'd have done 'it' by the time my grades could possibly matter. Now I wish someone had slapped me in the face for being crazy and stupid and made me try. Is it possible to be addicted to s/h? The thought of being able to come home and s/h is what helps me through the day, just knowing that I can when I get home, then when I cant it drives me crazy because I feel like I need to. I'm just constantly thinking of how I can harm/kill myself. And I no that's not exactly 'normal'. I don't know, I feel messed up. :L

[Sannah]

So you don't know what your doc's plan was to help you?

well last time she refered me to cahms, but i have to wait 6/8 weeks-ish for them to get back to us or something. but this time i told her everything and it kind of ended in a crazy rush of her trying to get someone to send a copy of the letter i wrote, to someone, and she passed me to someone else to book me in again as soon as i could fit in to come again. she didnt really tell me who the letter was going to or what would happen next, it all happened so quickly from there. she gave me her number at the doctors place to call, and told me if i ever get bad until, then to call it (i wont be calling as i'd feel too stupid) but no, i dont really know

[Sannah]

It sounds like she wants to get you help faster. It also sounds like her plan was for you to call her when you need help. Why would you feel stupid? Did you make that appt.?

Yeah I made one for next Wednesday. And I guess I'd feel like I was taking up too much time and just being stupid and so on. Plus I don't want to make too big of a deal about it because I don't want mum and dad to know because I know how they'll react. :/ I'm sure I'll be fine, I don't want to make a big deal.

[Sannah]

Jess, you deserve time and for others to "make a big deal" out of your issues. Your doc heard you and took your issues very seriously. She made many plans to help you and one of those plans was that you could call her.

Thankyou, I just can't see it making anything better apart from worrying people over what will probably be nothing. I just would feel foo stupid and like it wouldn't change anything. :L

[Sannah]

You can't see it because of where you are at, but just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it isn't there. Calling your doc will get you the help that you need. Just calling and talking to a helping professional is very healing. Having a need, reaching out and getting it met is very healing. Many people have experienced this.

Are you afraid of reaching out?

Yes. I am. I hate accepting it myself, so I hate bringing others into it... It makes it feel too real.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Jess95

It makes it feel too real.

Ahhhh, now I understand. Yes, this is a technique that many people try to use. People think that denial will make it go away. Doesn't work, though. What makes it go away is ----- acceptance----- because then you can focus on what you need to work on and what you need to do to make it better.

I think that exactly like that. And as if even if I accept it there wont be a way to change it. So not accepting it seems better too.

[Sannah]

How do you know that you can't change it with help?

I guess I don't. I guess I need to give help more chance. I just don't want to bring my family into it, I don't want to hurt them.

[Sannah]

How can you hurt your family by getting help and getting better?

they'd be so disappointed. and my mum blames herself, last time i got like this she even asked me if it was because of her, which was awful because she is the best mum i could ask for, :S