[jennaorgana]

i am curious to know if anyone else here has ever felt this way before. i've been an avid self injurer since i was 14 (that makes it a good 8 years). over the past decade, whenever i've wanted to cool my jets in regard to the desire to hurt myself, all i would do was imagine self-infliction as a way to deter the actual event. in other words, thinking about hurting myself was oftentimes enough that actually doing it. the same goes with suicide; it's easier and far less intrusive to fantasize about blowing your head off than to actually do it.

over the past year however, a new sort of desire has bubbled out from inside me. it started out in dreams; i'd be kidnapped and stabbed and left for dead, but the stabbing itself never hurt. sometimes, actually, it felt good. it was like popping the blade through all the layers of skin and into my insides. slicing through a cake, sticking a knife in jello. the point is, recently all i have the desire for is to stab myself, either with a knife or anything else protrusive enough to get the job done.

does anyone else feel this way? feel as though stabbing yourself in the torso would be a release, something to help with your problems, something to make yourself feel good? it's as though i have this compulsion, this unwavering desire to do this to myself.

i am safe and i can curb my enthusiasm for this form of self-injury, but i must admit the occurance of my cutting had increased.

i was just curious if anyone else feels this way or if anyone else can help me disertain this emotional conundrum.

[Phit-Phit]

Originally Posted by jennaorgana

i am curious to know if anyone else here has ever felt this way before. i've been an avid self injurer since i was 14 (that makes it a good 8 years). over the past decade, whenever i've wanted to cool my jets in regard to the desire to hurt myself, all i would do was imagine self-infliction as a way to deter the actual event. in other words, thinking about hurting myself was oftentimes enough that actually doing it. the same goes with suicide; it's easier and far less intrusive to fantasize about blowing your head off than to actually do it.

over the past year however, a new sort of desire has bubbled out from inside me. it started out in dreams; i'd be kidnapped and stabbed and left for dead, but the stabbing itself never hurt. sometimes, actually, it felt good. it was like popping the blade through all the layers of skin and into my insides. slicing through a cake, sticking a knife in jello. the point is, recently all i have the desire for is to stab myself, either with a knife or anything else protrusive enough to get the job done.

does anyone else feel this way? feel as though stabbing yourself in the torso would be a release, something to help with your problems, something to make yourself feel good? it's as though i have this compulsion, this unwavering desire to do this to myself.

i am safe and i can curb my enthusiasm for this form of self-injury, but i must admit the occurance of my cutting had increased.

i was just curious if anyone else feels this way or if anyone else can help me disertain this emotional conundrum.

you are mst deffinatly not the only one that feels tthat way b/c i started out younge like 10 years ol b/c around tha time my life went haywire and ii went over to my friends house and i too a razor blade and cut my knee open but my gramdmother who i was living with at the time never seen itt we all have the feeling that we need to stab out self's of cut but it only will leave behind scars and not make you feel like that if u just end it all it will be all better but u have to think that if i can find just one good person to talk to i willl feel bette and i know that from experience that if u have just one supportinve person it will help out a lot if u feel the need to talk to someone you can come to me b/c i feel the exact same way about cuttiing as u do

[lotusflames]

yep i have dreams and thoughts like that too!

I have felt like this too before. I self harm to get rid of anger and upset. It feels good too.

[thine_self_untrue]

Whenever my "heart" aches, I always have the desire to just plunge a knife in there and make it stop.

[nice girl]

I hear u n ur pain alright. . .
Same happens to me i have dreams of getting hit by car, or someone following me n stabbing me to death. . . .
I too have been fantasizing suicide. . . .

Well u can start hitting a punching bag or do something u love to do anytime u have such thoughts. . . .
May be it will help. . . .
May god bless u. . . . and help u out of it. . . .

[nice girl]

Anger. . . . frustration. . . . Emotions. . . . Problems. . . .These can be very difficult to cope with at times. . . . so much that u actually think of dying since u actually can't die. . . .
I sometimes wait for something to come and accidently kill me. . . .
Would be better to die then live a horrifying life. . . .

Pray u get over it. . . .