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#1
Nov 14, 2005, 11:02 AM
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disappointed cause i cut as much as i could last night and it wasnt good enough. have cuts on both ankles, thighs and wrists and none of it was good enough. not deep enough, didnt bleed enough. its been a little while since last cutting.
what a failure. i cant even do this right
__________________
 Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#2
Nov 14, 2005, 02:36 PM
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(((((((((((Lilly))))))))))
You are as beautiful and adequately perfect as the flower you are named after. Please be gentle to yourself. |
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#3
Nov 14, 2005, 04:44 PM
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nothing to be gentle about
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#4
Nov 14, 2005, 05:52 PM
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Sorry you feel that way.
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...she's a difficult girl...
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#5
Nov 14, 2005, 09:39 PM
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Lily,
It sounds like you are really hurting a lot right now. Would you like to talk about what's making you feel so bad? Maybe we can help you find some more effective ways to cope. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) if okay, Rap
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#6
Nov 14, 2005, 11:01 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((Lily))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are feeling so poorly. Try to be kind to yourself as you deserve it. Be safe.
__________________
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#7
Nov 15, 2005, 11:15 AM
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just want to sleep. so so tired. even when i sleep good i'm so tired. i sleep too long and i get bad bad headaches. just wanting to curl up and sleep. missing people. i want someone to just hold me. feels like forever since i've been touched. just wanting hugs is all.
i ask too much
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#8
Nov 16, 2005, 02:52 AM
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When I cut I have this problem too. It's not deep enough, it's not bad enough. Even when people see the cuts and look away in horror because it seriously looks like it went through a meat grinder, even THEN do I feel like it wasn't good enough.
Some where we are are taught to feel this way in life. SOme person taught us we were not good enough> Essentially that is why we cut. The minute we see that we do not have to be self destructive to get the pain out, the minute we stop cutting and stop being victims and live life free from the negativity. It isn't easy to change our thoughts but if we practice stopping mechanisms. Once we get the "bad" thought processed we catch it and instead tell ourselves the opposite. Pretty soon this becomes natural. Because why aren't we good people? Why? Because someone made us feel that way. There is no reason why we cant love ourselves as much as we hate ourselves. We are the only ones suffering from it. We are no different than any other joe shmo who can do it. We just have to reprogram our thoughts. No for real. Call me crazy but we are a by product of our thoughts. That why they tell you growing up that attitude matters. Be strong you don't have to cut anymore. We can show our pain in our success. Being so pissed off at our families, past lovers or abusers, or even ourselves.....being so pissed we overcome it, we rise above it. I am working on this myself. It only makes sense. If I keep cutting myself and depriving myself I am only hurting me i am not showing anyone anything. Now to make it on my own and make my dreams happen, now there is payback...there is my blood on my flesh........
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"The Essence Of Greatness Is The Ability To Chose Personal Fulfillment In Circumstances Where Others Chose Madness." |
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#9
Nov 16, 2005, 11:02 AM
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feeling like cutting cause found better blade
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#10
Nov 16, 2005, 03:07 PM
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Can you post instead?
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...she's a difficult girl...
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#11
Nov 16, 2005, 09:48 PM
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hurt
lonely no one love me
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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