[totallymessedup]

I struggle on a daily basis not to cut myself, but end up resorting to drink or just hitting myself. Neither of which is good but dont cause scars, but the drink doesnt really well with my meds, its so hard when you cant explain to yourself why you do it let alone anyone else!

[turquoisesea]

Hi there. I understand what you're saying - I went through a period where I would try really hard to "just" hit myself etc. If you can stop the drinking as an alternative coping method that would be good because it can cause more problems or make you end up cutting (at least in my experience).

It's really really hard to explain why. Are you thinking of trying to explain this to someone? Do you have a therapist to talk to, or a friend? Have you talked about it to your prescribing doctor (for your meds?)

sorry you're having so much trouble right now, take care

[totallymessedup]

Hi thanks for responding, my dr knows and i have 2 therapists that i see weekly, both working on different things, i know the drinking is bad and for a person who has never really got into the whole alcohol thing its really funny ive resorted to it now. But the things that i manage to go and do i do to exteme i.e at judo i push myself with no regard for my safety, and when driving if alone i just put my foot down, and so on. This is just a small part of my problem and liking myself would help x

[**Angel**]

Hey TottalyMessedUp,

How are you? It looks like you are going through a awful lot right now and it MUST be difficult for you! I am glad you have posted aboutwhat is happening for youand you are willing to reach out and ask for help! That is a great first step!!! WellDone!!

Alcohol is a anti depressant, but can affect you a lot! Exspecially when you are feeling low unable to control these emotions...Are you get any form of extra support couselling/therapy and so on?
Keep us updated ((((Hugs))))

[turquoisesea]

for a person who has never really got into the whole alcohol thing its really funny ive resorted to it now.

It's funny - though it has only happened to me a few of times (an luckily has not developed into a continuing problem) this has happened to me. 0 use of alcohol, then I get drunk when I'm really upset. I think it's easier to get drunk when you're upset too, so it does happen.

It's kind of the nature of this beast to be "extreme" - I mean, hurting yourself at all is SO CRAZY sounding if you haven't gone through it yourself

Glad you have a therapist - have you brought this up? What did they say? With my first one she would just say "don't do it anymore" and look at me really sternly (... didn't like that one and it DIDN'T WORK). In fact it made it worse because I felt doubly guilty for doing it in the first place and would do it more. But my next therapist really worked with me on the WHY and by that point I had developed some really good coping mechanisms (sometimes using a rubber band would help me too btw - it provides sudden sharpish pain which can sometimes hold off the urge, sometimes it doesn't work at all but wortha try you know? I heard ice also works for some people). And of course if you can tell you're heading in that direction get out and with people but it's rarely that simple in my experience anyways.

hope you feel better, take care!

[totallymessedup]

Thanks, i am having a few hrs of releif from this journey, but its really up and down, have managed to stop the cutting for a while now but alcohol is taking over
When i am cutting its as much about the blood as it is the pain, although id say i dont really feel pain till the next day when its sore
My therapists are really good and say that concidering what ive been through its not supprising my reactions, they are working on different asspects, one on my confidence and my self image, the other a little more general but about helping me cope and helping make little steps ie doing things for myself, getting me to see friends cause ive been hididng from everyone for many months and gone from being the owner of 2 businesses to only having one and only able to work 1 day instead of 5 to 6, and that one day leaves me exausted for days!
I dont want to go into detail about whats sent me over the edge cause i dont deserve to feel sorry for myself or that anyone else should have to listen about it xxx

[Sannah]

Drinking and SI are both addictions. Addictions improve a person's mood when they feel really bad.

[turquoisesea]

glad you're working with some good therapists! that's great =)

in the meantime have you ever tried marking yourself with red marker/similar red writing thing? making the marks the same you would if you were cutting? I haven't personally benefited from that but know that for some people it helps them because it's more like having blood.

you DO deserve to feel sorry for yourself and if you need to talk about something consider writing it out for yourself , or on here if it's within guidelines - you can always PM me if you like. I'm not on all the time but will respond to PM's as soon as I can neways =)

hope things are going ok for you