[agma]

Why do I feel so aweful? I made a mistake at work yesterday and had to continue to deal with it today. It is going to come up again next Wednesday. While talking to my supervisor I ended up putting some of the blame on my staff when in reality it was all my fault as I told she could do it. Other things at work aren't going well either. I want to quit, but I need the money. I have looked for a new job, but I don't feel like I am emotionally stable enough to deal with the applying, waiting, interviewing, and possible rejection. I was so upset today that I came home and cut. I feel horrible about cutting....yesterday I told my T that I seriously wanted to stop, and I didn't even make it one day. I am just so angry at myself right now.

[puzzclar]

Calm down, agma. You want to stop, that is FANTASTIC!!!! Keep in mind that slip ups can happen, urges happen. Stopping does not happen over night, it takes effort EVERY Day. Don't be angry, just keep trying to stop. Just remember, it takes effort, and it's an addiction.

Good luck and keep posting

[kaliope]

i think you feel awful because youre in a stressful situation where you are not taking responsibility for your own actions and feeling somewhat guilty about that and also because you cut after making a committment with your T stating that you no longer wanting to do this. But it is not too late to remedy these situations. you can renew your commitment not to cut. like any addiction, one day at a time is how you have to face it. At work you just have to own up to your mistake. Look for the positives in your job. when i hated my job i focused on my paycheck until i could be more motivated to look at the other positives to feel good about going to work again. what helped me the most to move from hating myself to feeling better was focusing on positives, even if they wre very small things. eventually i was able to find bigger things until my life got better. good luck.

[capricious713]

I feel like that a lot. Surround yourself with people who have dealt with these struggles, people who are close and supportive--not people who will judge you, who don't know you, or don't know what to say. You deserve to love yourself.

[agma]

Thanks for the suggestions and support. My husband came home a little while after I posted this, and I talked to him about the work situation. That helped some. I still can't believe I did something so stupid though. I guess I should just be happy that I have a job and a paycheck. I only have to work a half day tomorrow, and I am taking next Tuesday off, so that should help.....a break is always helpful. I do want to quit cutting, so hopefully this time I make it more than one day.

[agma]

I'm feeling a little better today. No SI yet, and only a couple of urges. I am going to attempt to make spaghetti sauce using the tomatoes from my garden. Wish me luck......

[Sannah]

How did your sauce turn out? Facing up to what happened at work can be very liberating for you. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, everyone does. I'm glad that you talked to your husband.