[noufzz]

I've been scratching my self never really cut I'm too big of a chicken to actually cut I get sick and dizzt but I have tried multipule times bur I realized I have been hurting my self my whole life (I'm 16) but by falling and making it seem accidental but it really isn't I like that pain feeling you get its away of you taking you anger of yourself on my self although its never serious cutting because I'm to scared but I always think of trying to do some serious and I'm scared that maybe one day I might go too far.

[noufzz]

Hi I'm 16 and I'm going through the phase of not exactly knowing what I am but I think I'm bipolar and all my life I have been hurting myself not seriously but enough to feel the pain. Since I've been little I would trip and fall making it look accidental but it wasn't and its been getting worse I have been scratching my wrist lately not really cutting just scratches but I have attempted to cut multipul times but I get dizzy and sick anytime I try but scratches seem to satisfy me. I'm just scared that one day I might go too far.

[Raindropvampire]

Is there a school counselor or teacher you would be comfortable talking to? Would your parents be willing to get you into therapy? The reason I'm asking is because in my experience this only gets worse. If you don't start learning better coping methods now and figure out why you do this you could really wind up hurt.

One of my best friends started out just like you. She is now 37 and has scars on her body that will never heal. Just 5 years ago she put her arm through a plate glass window and there have been other very serious incidents. If you had asked her at your age if she ever thought it would get so out of control she would have said no. Last year I finally got her to go see a therapist and they referred her to someone for meds. Between the meds and the therapy she's doing much better. Her only regret was not getting help sooner. If it's an option for you at all I would try some type of therapy or counseling. Good luck to you.

[Sannah]

Hi noufzz, welcome to PC. I agree with Rain, can you get a therapist?

[choocha]

It's great that you're so self-aware; it means you'll be more open-minded & understanding about the help you may need. And well done on taking the big 1st step of admitting you have a problem & telling someone about it (us). You are right to worry that while you're not causing much harm now, in the future it may escalate. Chances are, it probably will. I started off similarly, with just scratches, then hard scratches; then that wasn't enough. I needed to feel more pain & see blood. Had to graduate to knives for that. It's just a downward spiral from there. Luckily for you, it seems like you've caught this at a good time to deal with it. When I was a teenager, I found the best place to go to for help was the school counsellor. She was a sympathetic listener & referred me on to a psychologist, when she felt she was out of her depth. You might have legal issues with talking to him/her though ie they may have to report if you're harming yourself. Another suggestion is one of the youth crisis support services you can phone. I don't know where you live, or what's available there, but there should be a range of free public services open to you, where you can speak fairly confidentially. If you have a GP you know & trust, they can be of assistance to, with referrals etc. Anyway, hope that helps. Keep us in the loop, please xo

[manicminer]

I did similar things as a kid, much worse than just falling down. please don't do what i did and bottle up your feelings and hide them from people. it will only make things worse in the end and lead to more extreme ways of taking anger out. i kept it all inside until i was 20 and it all became too much and i ended up the hospital for a week.
16 is hard. im 23 and its still hard. just take it day by day, tell someone how you're feeling, and know that tomorrow is another day

[noufzz]

16 is the worst what made my depression worse was I had a sweetsixteen party and I invited my old friends ( I moved) and my new friends I was so happy to have people over and NO ONE SHOWED UP! No one apologized it was just me and A LOT of cake and I gained weight after that and I realized I had NO Friends no one really liked me. Its supposed to be the best birthday ever. And sense then I have been so depressed but pretended to be happy infront of everyone. I'm the middle child of 5 kids and my family kinda puts all the weight on me I'm either the best or the worst not in between and I cant tell them about my hurting they will be so mad and my guidence counsler is friends with my mom so that's not as option. I guess now I have realised what I've been doint to my self I can stop. Thanks for you support everyone you guys are the best

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by noufzz

I cant tell them about my hurting they will be so mad

How do you know that they will be mad if you tell them how you are feeling?

Your party sounds like you were in the middle of a transition and this is why it turned out that way? The old friends already said good bye and the new friends weren't close yet?

[noufzz]

I know they would be mad we have talked about it hypothetically they wouldn't like it or approve.

Not really they just didn't like me I guess because I have been at my new school for like a year enough time to make friends and my old friends would tell me how I should throw a party so we could all hand out again because they miss me but didn't show up. My friendships are fake they don't care about me and just another thing that stands there with them

[noufzz]

am defiantly not comfortable to talk to my parents about this i dont want them to know at all. i come from a family that is always expecting be to be perfect and i always a disappointment and knowing what ive been doing to my self they would be pissed thats why i havent told my guidance councilor shes friends with my mom. i want to call the kids help phone ill try tomorrow may be that will help. thank you for all your support guys

[manicminer]

Im the middle child, was overweight with glasses, and had very few friends as well. Even my older cousin and younger brother ganged up on me. Guess they could tell I was "weak" and would just take it.
As far as your so called friends that didnt show, they arent worth your time. As soon as you learn to stop caring what other people think about you the better. I wasted a lot of time in high school trying to fit in. I wasnt truely happy until i decided to be myself. I convinced my parents to let me get contacts, went to the gym every day that summer, and transformed myself into the person I wanted to be. Just use your anger as motivation to make a positive change in yourself. You may never be able to look in the mirror and like the person you see, but the closer you can get the better.
I'm not telling you to become a rebel, but your parents need to realize that you are you and they need to accept how you are feeling. i kept everything from my parents like you. i didnt even tell them right away when i got admitted to the mental health unit for bi-polar disorder. they couldnt beleive the things i told them and asked me why i never shared. Your parents might be far more supportive than you think. After all, you are their child and love you unconditionally. Let someone know ASAP
Good luck friend

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by noufzz

My friendships are fake they don't care about me

Some people chose friends who won't get too close because they are afraid of anyone getting too close to them (fear of intimacy). Could you have done this? Did you chose people who aren't capable of getting close?