I want out

Facing these things gives a lot of relief. I know it can be hard to talk and let it out. I have faced things and told with my hands covering my face before. It was really hard but I got such relief afterwards.

I don't know if he'll every understand! I've brought things up little by little he wants me to just come out and say things. How am I supposed to expose myself and tell him everything and talk to him about the things he's overlooked?

Little by little isn't clear and it is easy to not see it. No one knows what's going on with you unless you tell them.

No, he's seen it...I fell like he just wants to punish me for not needing him as a crutch.

Really? Can you ask him this just to check out your assumption?

I guess I can try...it won't be easy. Any suggestions?

Can you tell him this? Say "I want to ask you a question" ?

I guess if I had to I'd try...do you really think that he'll tell me?

I texted him with the question, we'll see...it's easier than asking in person!

Of course he will talk to you about this! Checking out assumptions with your therapist is one of the best areas to make huge accomplishments. Can't wait to hear what happens with this.

So I saw him...and he did bring it up. He said that he was sorry if he came across angry, it wasn't intensional, he was just frustrated because he doesn't know how to get me to open up. We spoke about it for a short moment then...nothing. I told me that if he wants me to talk about something specific he is going to have to either say it or lead into by saying it. He knows that I just can't come out and say things like he wants...I don't work that way. I told him I wOuld talk about what he wants to but he'd have to begin the conversation.

So did he agree that he was going to take the lead?

I guess so.

I still wish that I didn't have to do this anymore!

Do what?

Everything! I fee so pathetic

But you have to do everything. This is life.

Maybe my life...and it sucks!
I have a T that lies to me and expects me to be more 'hopeful' a Pdoc who keeps increasing meds that make me feel sick and no one who I can turn to for anything.

Can you talk to the T about the lying? I can't remember if you told the pdoc that you don't want to up your meds (is this what you want?).

My T only cares that he has 20 Plus trs experiance and knows what he's doing! And he gets my money for making me feel Like crap!
As for the pdoc, I told him that I didn't want to increase the meds. He said that he didnt want to take me off of them. So I asked him what he wanted and that was to increase the dosage. Ive been a walking zombie with constant stomach issues. Its been almost a month since the increase and I don't see him for another 2 weeks. I told him that I would do this just to prove him wrong. I cant even cry when I want to. Why do you think that I wish this was all over with!

I thought you 2 had a good conversation last time? A lot of therapy is learning how to work through misunderstandings and differences. Have you been talking about these things with your therapist?

Then the plan will change in 2 weeks?

I see some of this as you learning how to become empowered. You become empowered by working through this stuff with these people.

I don't feel in contol of anything how is this going to empower me?

When you work with your T on the issues where you don't feel empowered you can work towards empowerment. Do you want to sketch out an issue here that you can work on with this?

Everytime I get the courage to bring something up he talks about it for 5 mins and then moves on. I have spoken to him about how hard it is for me to bring things up and that he just seems to brush things under the rug. After seeing him for about three years, I'm not about to start over with someone else I cant go through it all again. My T said that he can help me...I want to believe it, what else do I have...nothing!

What did he say to this?