but after the morning I have had I am feeling worthless, and like a drain on the system an it makes me want to cut.

for those interested i posted a rant about it in general.

I just look at the scars i already have and it makes it even worse. I think "just a few more small ones". It would make this horrible icky feeling in my stomach go away.

Being made to feel as if you are unimportant and just a drain on the system is really hard for me, because I really ttry not to be. I grew up on the system, so I know it well, and for me to have to go back to it took huge inner strength.

I dont know how much strength i have left. I have caled pdoc for emerg appointment. waiting to hear back.

Hiding under the bedcovers crying

[HALLIEBETH87]

i am sorry you have had a bad morning. do you journal? i know for me sometimes i feel down about myself as a result of someone else's actions, journaling helps. i can say whatever i want and it wont get me into trouble. plus, if you get angry...rip it up! burn it, whatever it takes. i know once i took a wooden mallet and i basically battered some apples. oh my goodness! it felt so good. i was releasing anger and well, i destroyed something...something that i didnt have to hide from everyone else.

Hailie, in a way.. PC is my journal alot of the time. But you are right. Often i forget the little things that I should do in order to feel better. Its kind of a last ditch despair "it wont work anyway" mentality that I need to work on.

Today was especially hard. More battles with social workers. I ALMOST did it. Everything I looked at reminded me.

But, I managed this far!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I don't want you to think I don't have problems coping as well. Obviously I fell of the wagon a long time ago, but I have just written 4 pages in a journal and in a way I feel it saved me from the blade.

oh no worries. its always easier to remind someone else than to follow yourself, right?

[HALLIEBETH87]

so very true

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Rainbowzz ))))))))))))))

[deepblue]

((((((((((((((((((rainbowzz))))))))))))))))))

well well, you are brilliant do you now why, because you felt that way, and maybe you cut when you were made to feel worthless
before, but did you well if you didn't i will give you a big thankyou,because you have proven your strength within

i have been many a time been made to feel worthless by my husband but i still didn't cut and he knew i cut because of my abuse from my step-grandfather, but at times he used it against me.

but you have now shown me that i have strength, i look at my arms and see the big scars left already, seen the small one there still there,and still made to feel worthless i still do not cut.

so thankyou please keep up the good work and do not cut!!!!!!

i wish you well

i might seem a bid odd but i really am doing well