Cutting

cutting alot lately don't know whats up afraid my masculinity is iwhen i think about talking to someone before i cut.i am so stupid ...

First of all, you are not stupid. Just struggling to stay afloat. What is it you get from cutting that you cannot get anywhere else? I know when I cut, I get this natural high and such relief from all the pain in my life. It's like a drug for me. Cutting has always been there for me when nobody and nothing else would comfort me. Yes, cutting is my comfort.

Hope things calm down for you soon.

You are not stupid. There are reasons why you want to cut - it fills some purpose for you. And calling someone first is hard for a lot of us too. It isn't just about cutting - there is something going on that you need to work on, and find other ways to deal with those feelings. That generally takes therapy. I don't know if you are getting help or not, but I strongly encourage you to. Take care of yourself, please.

Like everyone else said, you're not stupid at all. It's very hard to reach out, to be able to call someone is a hard step. Please be patient with yourself.

I agree with Rapunzel, try to find different ways of dealing with these feelings. I also think that getting help is the key. If your not in therapy, maybe this would be an important step to help you recongize what's bothering you and learn new ways to cope.

I want to ask you, are you at a safe place right now? Do you feel safe in your surroundings or do you think maybe you need some extra help to get through this?? Please go talk to a professional. We are here, always. Keep talking to us and let us know how you are doing. I also encourage you to get some therapy.

Be safe and hang in there. We are thinking of you!!!

Justy

It isn't stupidity. It is fear. Fear keeps us from doing what we know we should do, talking to someone. Have you thought about taking to someone now, after you have cut? If you can break the ice, let someone know you are hurting and get comfortable with talking about it when your are not in a desperate state it will be easier to talk to someone when you really need to. As far as masculinity goes, who do you need to prove your masculinity too?
Carrie

Just offering some *hugs* and to assure you that you are NOT stupid!

(((((Hugs))))) and I just wanted to offer support and let you know you're not stupid. Not at all.

Take Care,
Kimberly.

Hello again thanks for the encouragement i need it to get out of my own self pity.
I am in deep [censored] today my "Block" is back I feel so out of sorts and stupid. (Maybe lazy!)
I feel like shredding my arms up but know that it would ruin the headway and progress.
My wife is out with a friend,house is quiet. even the dogs are asleep
what is up with me lately I am a such a pain to myself sometimes.

I "forgot" to mention my wife was in the next room when i did it. she was here i could have talked to her or my therapist. but i think i wanted to feel that release.My ptsd has been bad for about 3 months. but with my Pdoc and encourage ment from you guys things are a bit better today thank you.

Hey Orion.

I agree with the others that you are not stupid because you do this - and do not be concerned about your masculinity either. Being new, I do not know you, but cutting oneself has nothing to do with masculinity or otherwise.

Lots of people get a freaked out before a phone call. Cutting releases endorphins, which are very calming when you need to be calm & very stimulating when you need euphoria, so once you have got into cutting it is totally understandable that you might feel the need to cut before a phone call - both to make it less nervewracking & to focus your self.

The bugger of it is not so much the physical damage, but that it reinforces the need to cut at times of stress.

It is also normal that you did not get help from your wife, because as you say, you needed the relief - but it is worrying for both for you.

I do not really know what to advise - perhaps try a more constructive method of endorphin release before a phonecall - such as taking a run. Alternatively, reward yourself after making a call if you did it without hurting yourself first. Obviously this applies to all situations.

Hope you feel better soon.

XXX

*massive hugs*

I cut too. don't feel stupid...I'm sure I mess up way more than you. my therapist made me show her my arms yesterday and I'm scared she's going to hospitalize me! I'm dumb not you!

You are not dumb. It is very hard thing to not cut. I haven't done it in a week and half and I want to so bad. I have the same fear that my T is going to lock me up. I don't cut on my arms for that very reason. I don't knwo if this helps or not but I just want to tell you, you are not dumb.
TC
Nicole

I just want to say that none of you are dumb. But I understand how you feel. I cut for a long time. It becomes a literal addiction that is very hard to quit. There are still times when I want to cut, but I know that cutting isn't going to solve the problem. I also know that if I said that to myself a couple of years ago I would have laughed in my face. Cutting is not a sign of weakness, nor is it something to hide. It's a sign that something is going on that needs to be dealt with. This can mean talking with your pdoc or therapist or someone else that you can trust. Having a safety net is a major step in stopping cutting. orion and halliebeth and nicole, you guys take care of yourselves, okay?
*lots of hugs*