[teresapooh98]

I haven't felt like self harm in like a month. About an hour ago, it is almost 9pm, I saw a knife on the dishwasher and it made me really think about cutting. My last appt with my pdoc she said my mood was getting better but my thoughts are psycotic. I see my pdoc tomorrow again and I am going to tell her about my thoughts of cutting. I hope my thoughts doesn't get worse or there maybe a problem. I really don't want to end up back in the hospital.

It's tough when those thoughts come back like that
Stay strong and keep safe

[Sannah]

You have been doing really well!!!! Very good!!!! Do you understand why? How are you doing today?

[teresapooh98]

Yesterday I wanted to self harm because I got all stressed out on monday due to the fact I was 10 minutes late for bowling with an organization I belong too. I was late because of construction and it took me 20 minutes to go 1 mile. I get stressed out very easily especially while driving. Tonight I want to self harm because my pdoc got me very upset because she was telling me that next year we could be going down to meeting one or twice a week and then saying that I might have to get a therapist and only see her as a psyciatrist. I just want to self harm or od but I won't because that's not the answer.

[Sanada]

hello T.

When self harming (I used (still do) do it). But not no more.

I feel like its a dissotation from my body. Like my arm is something to to be attacked from within. I prick it, cut it and eat it.
I need to see if my body can attack me from within.
This dissasociation from my body is like feeling like when 'drunk', I feel like I am floating above my body.
This is a false image, its not the way it is. My body is me and I am my body.
I understand the feeling of distance from the self.
The road down self harm is one of isolation, it one of failure and isolation.
I used to cut a lot, I found within cutting my private self.
Out side though I found failure, failure of finding what I was looking 4.
In the end..................through self harm, OK...we find solace and a moment of self.
What is after though.....people who cannot undrstand (thats OK I dont give a fck what people think). Its what we find in our self's.

Loss.
Seperation.
Distance.

If we/you want seperation from the world we love, do what we want to do.
Personlally I want 'Love and aceptance from my world.

I hope this finds you well.

Take good care.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Sanada]

sometimes T a reaction to self harm is just that (self harm).
We have no reaction to self harm until a trigger happens....i.e....A friend who see's it and reacts.
Inside we are thinking of 'not' self harm, but the reaction from family/friends/society triggers.
Rise above what is expected, be you're self and dont be triggered.
You are in control (remmber).
Dont let socitey dictate you're moements.

I hope this finds you well.

Sanada

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Sannah]

I think that getting a therapist plus having her as a pdoc is a good idea. You would still have her and see her. You will have 2 people instead of one. I think that you could make more progress with a therapist.