feeling like cutting

I haven't felt like self harm in like a month. About an hour ago, it is almost 9pm, I saw a knife on the dishwasher and it made me really think about cutting. My last appt with my pdoc she said my mood was getting better but my thoughts are psycotic. I see my pdoc tomorrow again and I am going to tell her about my thoughts of cutting. I hope my thoughts doesn't get worse or there maybe a problem. I really don't want to end up back in the hospital.

It's tough when those thoughts come back like that
Stay strong and keep safe

You have been doing really well!!!! Very good!!!! Do you understand why? How are you doing today?

Yesterday I wanted to self harm because I got all stressed out on monday due to the fact I was 10 minutes late for bowling with an organization I belong too. I was late because of construction and it took me 20 minutes to go 1 mile. I get stressed out very easily especially while driving. Tonight I want to self harm because my pdoc got me very upset because she was telling me that next year we could be going down to meeting one or twice a week and then saying that I might have to get a therapist and only see her as a psyciatrist. I just want to self harm or od but I won't because that's not the answer.

hello T.

When self harming (I used (still do) do it). But not no more.

I feel like its a dissotation from my body. Like my arm is something to to be attacked from within. I prick it, cut it and eat it.
I need to see if my body can attack me from within.
This dissasociation from my body is like feeling like when 'drunk', I feel like I am floating above my body.
This is a false image, its not the way it is. My body is me and I am my body.
I understand the feeling of distance from the self.
The road down self harm is one of isolation, it one of failure and isolation.
I used to cut a lot, I found within cutting my private self.
Out side though I found failure, failure of finding what I was looking 4.
In the end..................through self harm, OK...we find solace and a moment of self.
What is after though.....people who cannot undrstand (thats OK I dont give a fck what people think). Its what we find in our self's.

Loss.
Seperation.
Distance.

If we/you want seperation from the world we love, do what we want to do.
Personlally I want 'Love and aceptance from my world.

I hope this finds you well.

Take good care.
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sometimes T a reaction to self harm is just that (self harm).
We have no reaction to self harm until a trigger happens....i.e....A friend who see's it and reacts.
Inside we are thinking of 'not' self harm, but the reaction from family/friends/society triggers.
Rise above what is expected, be you're self and dont be triggered.
You are in control (remmber).
Dont let socitey dictate you're moements.

I hope this finds you well.

Sanada

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I think that getting a therapist plus having her as a pdoc is a good idea. You would still have her and see her. You will have 2 people instead of one. I think that you could make more progress with a therapist.