Do I???

the question of the day is do I talk with a friend about the paper I have to write that is triggering me towards sui/si. I want to, just to have some support and comfort, but I'm scared to say what really is happening. Do I talk to my friend?

The paper is due on Wednesday, and I see him tomorrow... I may just have to talk to him, to get through the paper. I'll be on here in the next few days, to try and not be so triggered when writing this paper. (and trying to get everything else done.)

Wish me good luck. I"ll need it.

wish you well ((((((((puzzclar)))))))

And he wasn't in class. I had to text him and hope he has a bit of time. Now, I have to get some homework done, and hope I can stand writing the paper on sui and exercies.

SCREAM!!!!!!

I have a lot to do, but still si sounds a bit good, but I don't even have time to get some release.... talking, I hope it helps... when I can talk with him.

I'm trying to do homework but I dont' even know what I'm doing. And everything from the past few days is coming at me.... the si, sui, and the dissoications. I dont' know how much longer I can make it with all of this and homework. I"m going no where. I know it's fear that triggeres me, but I"m afriad that I wont understand something, and not be able to do the assignment, I don't know how to try and refocus my mind, it's in a place I dont' want it to be. What can I do to refocus????

THis sounds like pressure? What makes you laugh? Can you watch anything that can make you laugh?

right now, no. Because of the assignments. I do have all the information now I just have to write it out. and read a bit more on the stuff from class.

Even with that said, writing this paper is triggering me. I didn't think it would, but it has, I want to talk to someone in person, but he hasn't responded back yet. I know he has finals, and he's busy but I don't know how much more of this I can take, again.

Hello Puzzclar.

Writing about si and sui (on a paper), and the act of si and sui are on two different planets. I know we think about si and sui (I do every day - almost); ...........but I would never go through with suicide or act upon it. Self harm is totally different to sui, dont get me wrong - I would say to you (and I mean it) dont do it (self harm), but life and triggers are hard to deal with.

Writing about it (like in a journal or paper), is actually a good way of seeing why we self harm or think the way we do (talking with a trusted friend is good to). Puzzclar..........suicide is not an option. I am sorry to say this but it is not. What would the earth be without you....it would be with out puzzclar.
I want you here, and so do us all here at PC, and 'obviously' all your family and friends.

Puzz, I must say to you many of my oldest and youngest friends have sui'd. Where are they now..........they have gone.. (they miss so much now though)
We talked of pain, we talked of joy. I always expressed that in death I still would want both because it still told me I was still alive.

Self Harm is very different, its a deeper addiction to needing to feel. Its feeling itself, but has a very very very self destructive side (sorry).

Here is some good news for you, you will not believe this............I was in a room on sunday with about 9 people, I was in a t-shirt, the people I was with were students and ex army men and women......they saw my arms, they saw no scars..?
.......weird, we got to talking about what our passions are and what we do in the net. I 'Straight Out Said' I am/was self harming for 4 years till this year. They looked at me, they looked at my arms, they did not in 7 hours of being with them notice the scars, only when I mentioned it and they looked closer did they see (then 1 person in the room also said they self harmed too).

It was weird, and nice. What people see, and what people 'do not' see is amazing.

We talked about sui, I told them my own experiences in finding my friend who had sui'd ( he was still alive when I found him). He was a computer programer and a keybordist 'extrodanare.....he was my best buddy.
The sui was his choice, not mine (if I had been a better friend at the time I would had seen the signs, but I failed). I think of my best buddy a lot, he is missing a lot. He is missing 'our life together', he is 'gone'.
To take ones self from Earth is a bad move........there is so much to see and do (even if its eating out of dumpsters like I have to do now and again) or eating in the best cafes....see what I mean - i do both.

To ans your question is 'yes' talk to your friend, your friends irl are your life. Friends have lots of hidden wisdom if the right questions bring it out. Be careful, use your own wisdom, but 'yes' talk about it to friends about it.

I do hoped this helped.
S

I would.... but he wont text me back, and it's kind of driving me nuts. I wanted to talk all day with him about what's going on, and I didn't see him. When I want to talk, I don't have the right person around... grrrrrrrrr. I'm writing a paper on something to do instead of SUI, with the crisis plans. The plans that are out include Psychotherapy, Medication, and going to a hospital. Nothing that really would help them at that exact minute. Exercise is the answer for a quick help to improve mood. But the professionals don't have that in their protocols. We have something that would help, but it is underutilized.

I"ve been triggered, I want to talk, but the one person to talk to wont answer me back. If during the process of writing this tomorrow, I just hope I can call him and he will pick up. If not, then I"ll be on here, with in seconds. I want to talk to some one in real life. I just hope it happens.

Tomorrow is all about the paper, and I'll keep PC close, and distractions if needed, but I have to get this paper done, I just hope I can keep from si'ing when I get back home. I will be out of the house to do this paper, and if needed, I've got a few people that I can at least be around, even if they have no idea what is going on.

and now the internet gives us fits... grrrr.

Hello puzzclar.

I hoped your friend picked up for you, if not please try not to be triggered by it. Sometimes others cannot be there for us. Other people have so much going on them selfs that it happens that they cannot know where we are and what we need. I have been guilty of that (well, not guilty but otherwise distracted when a friend is in need). It happens all the time.
What we need to be and do, is be 'strong'. Strong for our selfs and strong for the world and strong for our families and friends (even if they p*** us off)...

Take Care, I hope the paper goes well.

S

I couldn't take it anymore. and I still can't I just hope that by putting my focus on the paper, I can at least get through the day.

It's finals next week, and I know he's busy studying. But right now I need a friend. I need someone to just talk to. I haven't wanted this in several years to just talk to a friend, but I really only have the one that may just understand, or at least willing to listen. I need to write the paper and then study, and write yet another paper, but well when your mind is in a different place, that's what happens. Nothing gets done...

got to try and focus... some how.

Paper is almost done, just a little bit left, but I have to go to work for a little bit, and then I'll get back to it, and if needed, I'll call my friend and talk to him. This paper has been good for me, but also has triggered me a bit. And that little bit is what scares me the most.

Paper is done, I didn't proof read it, because I can't stand reading the topic right now. I know I need to work out today, and I would like to talk about some of the thoughts, the si, and adhd sysmptoms that I have had. But I really don't have anyone to turn to. Except here. Which for me is not enough right now. I Just hope exercise will help after my last class... or maybe before my 3pm class... Before sounds great.

Now it's time to try and study... oh wait, I got to go to class... I want more time!!!

NO, I want more of a brain today, one that is not being controled by meds to help the stress level go down. It's working but life is really hard right now. I little to hard. grrrr.

How are you doing Puzzclar?

I did call my friend, and he came over. It's at least a small comfort. I'm still not doing well. I'm afraid of what I could do. I have obligations and that's the only think that is keeping me safe. I'm going to try exercise again later today, to see if I can get my head back. Right now it's in a "fog" and it's very painful. I just wish I could get it out of my head.

and Psych Evaluation is done, I have a reading disorder, and ADHD. When the ADHD is under control the reading disorder goes away. I"ll be talking with my doctor and see if we can try an ADHD med to help next semester/some other alternative measure to help me control it when I read things.

So I've been talking to my friend, and came close to telling my sister about what happened, or what came close to happening. I'm scared, and i hate talking about what is really going on, especially around finals. I know I need to be some where else, but I can't I have things I have to do, things to get done, I have to be to work, I need the money. Why does everything have to happen at once?

Game Plan:
I'll exercise tomorrow and I'll try to play an instrument for tomorrow morning.
I'll focus on my studies and write a paper.
I'll come on here If I can't get sui or si off my mind, or come close to it.
I'll talk with my friend tomorrow, and hopefully get things more inline for my tests.

I know I'd be safer at a MH but I can't go, I don't want to, I'll do anything to stay away, and the only way is if.... use your imagination.