[WantingtoHeal]

Yes, I'm posting again. I'm an adult, in my 40s, yet my parents still trigger me to the point of being suicidal. My mother called me today to check on me since I am on medical leave from my job - I am having to borrow money from her - a first for me ever. Otherwise, she would know nothing of what's going on. She's pressuring me to go back to work, find another job, etc. etc. Asking me every time she calls about work. And I don't want to even think about work at all. Intellectually, I understand the need to support myself, but I have been in no shape to work. Also, money is not an issue for my parents. I realize their money is not mine to take. However, I am so completely stressed out and her pushing me about working is making me severely depressed and I feel suicidal after every conversation with her. She and my father are unable to handle me like this and their behavior makes it much worse on me. This drives me to want to SI. I hate needing their money right now.

[Sannah]

Wow, sorry that this is happening. Have they always been unable to handle most things with you your whole life?

Sometimes our families can be what's harming us most ... Sometimes intentional ... Sometimes not ... Harmful nonetheless though ...

Have you considered disability or a shelter until you can get back on your own two without the family having to bail you out then reinjure you by holding it over your head?

I eventually had to simply cut all ties, move away and never look back ... Scary as all get out! ... But eventually led to a happier physical and emotional me ...

Good luck and best wishes ... Difficult decisions lay ahead ... The main thing is to not let anyone (family included) win by causing you to destroy your very being ...

Sincerely,
BrokenCloud

[WantingtoHeal]

thanks for responding Sannah and broken cloud I'm feeling better today.

My family definitely has never been able to deal with emotional issues at all. They aren't able to handle most things. They won't talk about my difficulties at all. I have an older sister who was severely injured in an accident and wasn't supposed to live. She has had one health issue after another since the accident. My parents won't talk about it. My mother wouldn't even go to the hospital when it happened and they didn't expect my sister to survive. She said she had to go to work the next day.

I live a good distance away from them, so that's good. I am also in the process of looking at disability, but it won't be enough to cover my bills. I am going to try to overlook things/ignore (my parents) for a while until I feel ready to find a job. I don't want to lose my home mostly because of my daughter and my animals.

Hopefully, I'll be able to go back to work when my medical leave is up. I can't fathom it honestly, but maybe things will change.

Also, I'm just dealing with one day as it comes along and trying to make it through for now.

For today, I am not suicidal and do not feel the need to cut.

[Sannah]

I'm glad that you are feeling a little better. Yeah, a little distance from your parents sounds good for now. One day at a time sounds good too. Do you have a therapist?