Please

Please, if it's not too much trouble, please please tell me not to.

I'm 17 and I've barely started. Did for a month back in January then made myself stop. But distress has made me do it more. Mostly out of anger.

But I already think now about how I want kids and I don't want them to have to ask.

But I can't tell anyone in RL about this for fear of the consequences.

Please tell me to stop.

Stop.... The relief is only temporary. Focus on something else. Do some push ups, write a blog post, alter some photos in photoshop.... Just find something else to do....

Stop. I try and do things to defuse me. Had a incident this week. But, I now see what I can learn from it. I laid down today and did imagery. I came up with a place called Perfect. I feel fast sleep.

Purple, how are you feeling today?

You have pain which needs a voice... needs to be heard. Can you write out your pain?

I'm a bit better today.
The anger comes and goes.
I'll try writing my feelings more, but sometimes I just need actions not words, you know? I know it's not healthy.
Thank you so much for all of your responses. They are helpful

PurpleE, do you have a therapist?

Stop, one day of being SI free can become two days, two days can become a week... and so on....

I'm not totally sure about the therapist. We've had a bit of a fight because she was trying to turn my Individual Therapy into Family Therapy and I don't get on well with my parents. So I honestly don't know what's going to happen. I haven't really seen her in about four weeks. I don't know if she'll see me anymore since I refused to stay in the room for Family Therapy with her I don't even know if I can trust her. That's a big part of what triggered my anger, and thus my SI. I fluctuate between rage and overwhelming sadness about it.

I have the degree to be a therapist and when it is time to stop being a stay at home mom I will be one one day. When I'm a therapist and I have clients who are minors, half of my attention for that minor will be on the parents. Minors with mental health issues do not live on islands. They live in dysfunctional families. The parents have to be a part of the solution in order for the minor to get better.

How do you expect to be able to start getting along better with your parents? A therapist can really help in this area.

Have you talked to this therapist about your lack of trust in her?

We go to Family Therapy with a different therapist at the same place. So this felt so unnecessary. She's kind of top family therapist, though, so I think she just wanted to show off her skills

I don't plan to get along better with my parents. There are some things that I do not find forgivable.

I did talk to my therapist about my lack of trust, but she just said that she could see how it might FEEL like betrayal, but it wasn't.

I just had a guarantee when I started therapy that it would be kept separate from Family Therapy. And that was really important because I can't stand my parents or family therapy. So the family GETS its time. So I just thought some boundaries here should be respected.

Have you discussed these unforgivable issues with your T?