[Ticli-Otops]

Everytime I get the tiniest bit upset or mad, I need to cut. Each cut... I go deeper. It's like... my emotional pain shows more, and goes deeper... everytime a cut goes deeper. My arm is covered in deep gashes, and it's been hours... theyre still bleeding. All I could think while I was doing it... was there's nothing like the first deep gash on clean flesh. I need the tearing, burning feeling on my skin. I need to feel the blade tear through my flesh... and I need to see the blood pour from me. I can't live without it. It's the greatest feeling in the world, for me. Even though i end up more depressed afterwards.

[Sannah]

Ticli, this doesn't sound good at all. Do you have a T?

[Girl_Interrupted]

Put some steri-strips on them and dress them. They'll get infected otherwise, and they'll just take a lifetime to heal anyway.

[Ticli-Otops]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Ticli, this doesn't sound good at all. Do you have a T?

No. I don't.

[Setso]

what is a T? Therapist?

I used to cut but id just do light cuts and show people on fb til they banned me, but its how I expressed that I can't take this life anymore

Why are u cutting deep? It hurts and can leave scars. I just did light cuts but still bled and etc, and still got an infection, so its really ddangeours

Hope u feel better and god gets his act together soon so we don't have to cut anymore

[Ticli-Otops]

Originally Posted by Setso

what is a T? Therapist?

I used to cut but id just do light cuts and show people on fb til they banned me, but its how I expressed that I can't take this life anymore

Why are u cutting deep? It hurts and can leave scars. I just did light cuts but still bled and etc, and still got an infection, so its really ddangeours

Hope u feel better and god gets his act together soon so we don't have to cut anymore

light cuts don't do enough for me anymore. Cutting deep doesn't hurt, for me. It feels good. I have TONS of really bad scars. I hate having the scars. But the way I see it, my body tells my story. I have only gotten an infection once in my almost 5 years of cutting. I take really good care of my cuts, and wash them constantly.

[Setso]

Originally Posted by Ticli-Otops

light cuts don't do enough for me anymore. Cutting deep doesn't hurt, for me. It feels good. I have TONS of really bad scars. I hate having the scars. But the way I see it, my body tells my story. I have only gotten an infection once in my almost 5 years of cutting. I take really good care of my cuts, and wash them constantly.

What the hell did I just read??

Are u feeling okay? Please have a good day today
Does it help to talk here bout ur frustrations? It helps me to tell people whats got me upset than cutting, and I feel better later
Hang in there!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sannah]

Ticli, people go deeper with SI because it is an addiction and with addictions you need more and more of it to get the same effect (build up a tolerance).

Any chance that you can get a T?

[Ticli-Otops]

Originally Posted by Setso

What the hell did I just read??

Are u feeling okay? Please have a good day today
Does it help to talk here bout ur frustrations? It helps me to tell people whats got me upset than cutting, and I feel better later
Hang in there!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It helps a lot when I have my boyfriend to talk to. But now that he's ignoring me I dont have anyone who knows me well enough to calm me down when im upset and want to cut.

[Ticli-Otops]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Ticli, people go deeper with SI because it is an addiction and with addictions you need more and more of it to get the same effect (build up a tolerance).

Any chance that you can get a T?

No. There's no way that I can.:c

[Harley47]

Sannah is correct about why you're feeling the need to go deeper. It's a matter of the endorphin release when the body feels pain. Over time, you gain a tolerance.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Does your boyfriend understand you need him right now? It's not reasonable to expect you to go this alone, you know?

Please take care Ticli, and be safe.

[Ticli-Otops]

Originally Posted by Harley47

Sannah is correct about why you're feeling the need to go deeper. It's a matter of the endorphin release when the body feels pain. Over time, you gain a tolerance.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Does your boyfriend understand you need him right now? It's not reasonable to expect you to go this alone, you know?

Please take care Ticli, and be safe.

I've told him time and time again that I really truly need him. I've called him in the middle of the night, suicidal... bawling my eyes out... and he cares but he doesn't know what to say or do. He only says that he can't deal with me hurting myself, and that he won't be with me if I continue to do it. I feel like it would be easier if he has been through what I have, and it has cut in the past, too. He doesn't understand, no matter what I tell him. I haven't talked to him in almost two weeks. :/ He's just the only support I have,and without him i'm just getting worse. If I have him around to talk to, I rarely cut...

[Harley47]

Ah, I see. That's a bit of a "rock and a hard place" scenario for you both.

You are right in surmising that he doesn't understand, but I think your reasoning as to why may be different. Most people who don't cut don't understand why one would do it, and don't understand how difficult it is to quit. A lot see it as a sort of cry for attention, which isn't so much the case. It's, in my experience, a very misunderstood thing.

He doesn't know what to say or do because (I believe) he is afraid. I believe he is scared of something happening to you, and in saying he will not be with you if it continues is his way of trying to get you to stop. He does care, and he does want you to stop (for noble reasons), but I think his method of trying to help is only making it worse for you. I know it must be hard on him to see you hurting and not know what to do, but he needs to be there for you. Try to make him understand that (I'd love if somehow I could address this to him).

He needs to know it's not his job to try to find a miracle fix or leverage you into a position to stop. A lot of men (myself included) take an overactive stance with things like this, when all that is needed is an open ear to speak to.

There is a university in your area, do they offer any low cost counseling there?????

[alymarie1894]

I also cut deep and I know telling you to stop isn't going to stop you from doing what makes you feel better. So I'm going to tell you I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Also after you cut and clean it put some butterflies or sterri strips(<<not sure if that's how you spell it.) on it and cover it with a band-aid with anti-bacterial ointment on it. Don't touch it for 2 days and it closes it right up and with my experience the scars aren't as wide or red.

[Ticli-Otops]

I did talk to one of the counselors at the University, because they were doing work at my school. She... didn't seem to care very much. But my doctor's sending me to a psychiatrist so they can convince my parents to actually pay for my meds. So i'm gunna be starting counseling soon, i'm still cutting... But I also dropped out of school. (Way too much stress.) I'm getting my GED next fall. I'm hoping thing's will get better before I get even more depressed.:O

[Sannah]

Ticli, I'm glad about the possible therapy. Mental health issues are a lot for an average person to take on (I'm referring to your bf).