[picklewheeze]

Right, here goes. This is gonna sound really odd, and Ive never actually told anyone about this before. But Id quite like to hear some non judgemental views and I think here's the place for that!

Firstly, I know that there's no such thing as 'traditional' self harming and people can be self injurious in all sorts off ways. However, I do think it'd be fair to say that there are more regularly used methods off self-harm i.e. cutting.

I used to be a cutter. It worked well for me but its an absolute ***** to explain if it gets seen. Especially the 3rd time when you try and blag you did it 'accidentally' again. I really dont want people to know that its deliberate. So yeah, anyhow, I got caught one time too many. This literally made me stop. I was hospitalised for a week and a nurse saw when she was putting a wrist band on me and yeah, I just got scrutinized for the entire week and when I got out stopped.

Obviously that wasnt the end off it, not very long after I found another way. I basically started beating myself up. I know how insane that sounds, but i used to basically batter my ribs with my hands until they were seriously bruised (probably managed to break a fair few). This was much easier to hide, and also easier to explain.

I also found it a more 'satisfying' method off harming, I think because it was more representative off the pain I used to feel, but i'm not gonna go into that now as this is already an absolute essay!

What does anyone think off this, is this totally insane? I doubt it, but has anyone else ever done this?

Its not insane - as you mentioned, there are various way in which people self harm. Its also not uncommon for a person to use several methods as means of injuring themselves. I used to cause myself horrific bruises by smashing into things and taking out all my agression on myself. The important thing i guess is whether or not you wish to stop - are you in therapy? Do you think its possible for you to find other means of coping with how you feel? As you're probably aware self harm is a vicious cycle - in the end we can end up doing more and more just to feel alright. This for me was a good enough reason to seek help for it as soon as i could. Im aware you weren't asking for advice and i don't mean to preach, im just detailing how my situation progressed. I hope your situation improves. All the best.

[picklewheeze]

Thank you for your views.

No im not in therapy.at the moment. I was in CBT till a couple off weeks ago but i dropped out because.it wasnt really working. The thing is i never admit to self harm to my therapists. Im quite avparanoid person and i dont like anyone knowing.i have problems and so ive always kept therapy a secret from everyone other than when i was really.unwell.and.got.hospitalized but since then my family now think im okay and i know if i admitted to self harming again id probably get hospitalisdd and theyd find out again and it will just drag up the past and upset everyone; id rather keep it to myself.

Please feel free to preach, id like.to know what to do!

[AngelWolf3]

I understand what you mean. I have been really secretive about my 'coping' (as I like to call it) as well. I also keep therapy a secret too. I don't have tons of advice, since I am kinda in the same boat as you are, but have you considered maybe taking up martial arts, or kickboxing?

I know when I was actively in martial arts, I loved feeling empowered, and, well, depending on what discipline you choose, there is quite a bit of physicality to it, there was many a session I came home bruised, but it was even better because I was learning a sweet art too...I know I totally enjoyed that. Just a thought?

I know I didn't really address the actual issue at hand, but thought I would let you know I was thinking about you!

[picklewheeze]

Guhh wrote such a long repky and lost it!!!

Yeah, i do think thats a good idea but the thing is.i dont wanna hurt anyone.else. I did try rugby.

I have a bit off a love hate relationship with pain. Im scared off pain, but i love it. It makes me feel powerful when.i take it. But it makes me feel.weak as **** when.im scared off it.i dont know why, i just want it. Its like a part off my life and i miss if it if its not there. I just wish sometimes i coukd click my fingrrs and the bruising be gone. I dont really know, its hard to explain. I dont even understand myseld.

[Sannah]

pwheeze I would suggest a deeper therapy than CBT.

[picklewheeze]

Yeah CBT was a waste off time!! Any suggestions off what might be beter?

My brother self harms in your fashion. He punches himself in the face and has given himself black eyes.

I don't cut. I pinch myself until I bruise, snap bands on my wrists (the ones with the metal holding them together) until I leave big welts, and sometimes rake my nails down my bare legs. ---Sigh.

DBT is not gears towards stopping self injury, but it may be worth at least looking in to. There is a free class offered by Yahoo at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/dbtclass/
and they also have a chat here on Saturday mornings.

[picklewheeze]

Yeah ionce gave myself a black eye whilst on a week-long bender where i was 'out off control' but usuakky its my ribs that take it as theyre the easiesy to hide!

How does DBT work? Ive heard iy recommended before for my bpd traits but dont really know what it is?

[Sannah]

Any therapy that gets you to process your past, you, what has affected you, how you feel, what you think, etc. A lot of these therapists are eclectic and use a little bit of everything.