[Angelornot]

so I wanted to cut... but I told my youth leader I'd text her first... and I did... and now I'm like panicking. she's gonna hate me and think I'm crazy. It's so hard to talk to her about it I feel like any second she's gonna decide I belong in a hospital or wish she never asked about my legs in the first place. I don't want to bother her with this but at the same time I feel guilty if I don't tell her.
ughh I'm so damn insecure... I hate myself.

[nicoleb2]

If she asked you to text her first, and she already knows you've done it before, she isn't going to hate you and she doesn't think you're crazy. I understand that feeling though. It is really hard to reach out for help

[Angelornot]

she's being so great about this I just can't believe it. I showed her this thread and she said she appreciates me being honest with her and she doesn't think i'm weird and she's not going anywhere because she cares, and more importantly God cares and there might be stuff I don't think I can handle but God can...
I feel so much better. though still a bit guilty about bothering her. Ik she probably never planned on staying up this late..

it just feels too good to be true. I wanna believe her but part of me thinks she's just saying those things and she's gonna leave me...

[ickydog2006]

She's not just saying those things, she means them. My youth leader is and was the exact same way. I use to feel guilty about the late nights I caused her. My mom was a functioning addict but there were days I came home and dad would meet me at the front door with my bag and said maybe you should call and stay with B for a few days. She's now my best friend, but was often like an older sister/mother for me, especially when my mom was at her worse. I've crashed anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. And you know what, she doesn't regret a bit of it. She just feels bad that I have to deal with these struggles. And honestly, I have never regreted a single night that I have spent up late with friends in crisis. She's there because she wants to be. Let her.

[Angelornot]

I'm just so insecure. and my youth leader reminds me of another friend who helped me stop cutting for two months and was always there for me and she was really nice in the beginning too, but now she doesn't even talk to me. I just wanna keep my distance from my youth leader so it doesn't bother me when she gets tired of me.

[littlemssunshine]

One thing I have learned is that you can't try to protect other people or worry about what they are thinking. She knows that this is a rough time for you. Since you don't have a counselor to call or txt at any time, for awhile, you may need to lean on her more and more. That's totally normal and okay, and actually, it's expected. You aren't bothering her at all; you are simply reaching out and asking for help. This is a new topic that has been introduced into your relationship, and eventually, you will be able to work through this on your own. Right now, you need her to get through this, and that is awesome that you accept that and are reaching out. Don't try to worry about the future, being left by her, or any of that. Instead, try to focus on the fact that God has placed this loving soul in your life and you have someone to talk things through. You are not alone, and these feelings will get better as you learn new coping mechanisms and get stronger eventually. Don't beat yourself up.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Angelornot

my youth leader reminds me of another friend who helped me stop cutting for two months and was always there for me and she was really nice in the beginning too, but now she doesn't even talk to me. I just wanna keep my distance from my youth leader so it doesn't bother me when she gets tired of me.

Can you share this concern with this youth leader?

[Angelornot]

maybe. I don't know.