[Christa87413]

I miss the rush of the sharp blade drawing across my skin.. The sick feeling of taking to many meds.... i think I miss the blade more then the OD..... I was looking at my old blade last night wondering if it still had the same relief that it once held for me... The rushing of blood to freshly pierced skin... I even miss the ich of the wound healing. I miss everything about it...

whats the freakin point of this life? I'm not getting anywhere... I ask for help, and get ignored.... my so called "friends" call me when they need someone, yet when I ask, they are all just to busy to come help me out of the mood.... To busy to care about me, yet, god forbid, if I don't rush to their side! I'm tired of it... Tired of being lied to.. Tired of not being as important to others as they are to me.

My blade use to be my best friend.. it was always there for me when I needed that reality check.. The pain that coursed threw my body as it dragged over this part or that part... It sounds amazing right about now, then again, so does just killing myself.....

i'm going to break soon.. I use to pride myself about never having been admitted... But at this point n time, I have a feeling that I will be snapping soon, and my trip will end up a grad feasko....

[volatile]

every time I thought to myself "oh I'm gonna snap soon" I never did. It just got worse and worse and I kept waiting to snap but nothing happened. The truth was I had already snapped and because I was waiting for something dramatic to happen I never got help when I should have. I always DID end up doing something dramatic but because I was manic not because I snapped.
anyways what I'm trying to say is you need to get help by a professional before something happens not after.

I can relate to the reality check.. I used to burn myself for the same reason. It was just like that rushhhhh and I was back and things were good. I could breathe again. It will always sound amazing to me.

[shlump]

Do not hurt yourself. Go to the ER. They know how to help and you get the help immediately. Going on like this is no good. Witing dfor the upswing.
If you can't go this minuite, could ypou write down a list of things that will make you go if they come up? SI and suicidal thinking? inability to get out of bed?
Your most frightening symptoms?
Please go.
You are not alone.

[Christa87413]

WEll I have a check up Wednesday.... but I think I'll smash my head in before that.. eventually I'll be beyond help I am sure.. Already feel like it.. I don't think that the Pdoc even fully cares.. I'd told him some feelings and he just goes "what about these meds?" Makes me wanna smash my head in even more! Still going to be awhile before I can have a councilor because there are alot of others there, who take up there time, from tho's of us who really need it.

I need a friend, someone here to take thee thoughts away.. Its been about 8 years since I have hurt myself, why does it come back now?

[Christa87413]

Originally Posted by shlump

Do not hurt yourself. Go to the ER. They know how to help and you get the help immediately. Going on like this is no good. Witing dfor the upswing.
If you can't go this minuite, could ypou write down a list of things that will make you go if they come up? SI and suicidal thinking? inability to get out of bed?
Your most frightening symptoms?
Please go.
You are not alone.

if I go to the er, I go to suicide watch.. missing a day of work inst an option, bills wont get paid... Plus, the er here are abunch of idiots that are just there for a pay check...

[Christa87413]

>-;

[Sannah]

Hi Christa, welcome to PC. I read your profile and a few of your threads. I'm glad that you are back in therapy. I can support you here.

[ickydog2006]

I think we all will miss it, those brief seconds where we feel okay. My husband doesn't understand why I want to sleep so much. I can't tell him that it's the only thing that takes me from the pain of life besides cutting. I'm sorry you feel the need to SI too.

[puzzclar]

The point of life is to NEVER give up.

I feel as if I"m in the same position, I ask for help, but no one can help me. I do so much for others, and yet there's no one to talk too.

I know how you feel, and then I have found a T that helps... There is that one person that understands the postion that you are in, if it's me then great, if it's someone else that you will meet soon then great.

You are worth every minute of time.

[Christa87413]

today I'm doing a tad better, just feeling kinda ehh...

[mazing]

Glad to hear things are a little better today. I definitely understand the feeling of wanting to give in, especially after long periods SI free. But hang in there - these urges and feelings can and will pass in time. Unfortunately I also know what it can be like with pdocs just focusing on meds. Getting yourself into counseling when you can though is a good idea - they can help you work through more of it instead of just throwing medications at you

I can't promise to have all the answers or be able to take the pain away but I'm also always here if you ever want someone just to listen or talk to.

Hang in there Lean on people here if you can't lean on your real life friends currently. You can get through this.

[Christa87413]

I'm in that mood again, and I think that this time, it was the AD that caused it.. I got my babygirl curled up next to me now tho, makin me feel a bit better thankfully

[mazing]

I know this post probably comes a bit late but hang in there. You can get through this.

[Christa87413]

I got myself off of my prozac and I've been feeling GREAT! My bf even likes me without the AD in. haha.. But I'm all hyper and excited right now.. pardon my crazyness

[smmath]

yeah, i got off my prozac and i have been feeling the same as when i was on it. that's really good. i found it nice to not need it anymore.

just curious, did you si less when you were on it?

[Christa87413]

I kinda started diggin my nails into my skin, but never broke, so I think I'm good... That was how I use to deal with anzity attacks.. so I have no clue what was going on.. I do however, find it funny that 2 days after I started on that stuff I got super depressed and a few days after I stop taking it, I feel better..