Running out of ideas

So I had something pretty devastating happen to me this weekend (read about it in the BPD forum), and I ended up going into a BPD rage. I didn't have a lighter to burn with or a blade to cut with so I ended up just punching myself as hard as I could in the same place over and over. Has anyone else resorted to this as a measure for SI?

I also am upset with the results. There are only tiny bruises thus far (boyfriend says it takes a while for them to set in), and I'm angry that I have nothing to look at. My cuts are manifestations of my physical pain and now there's nothing.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

I'm sorry that happened. I know it feels to want some proof that you did something and that there is a real issue. Have you tried writing on yourself with pen? I find that there can be some minor pain and the ink is left on the skin. Maybe that is a safer alternative to self harming. I hope you feel better soon.

Yes and it's not the same. I want my body to be as damaged as my mind, you know?

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Bedlam.... I do know what you are saying.

It really sucks when the best way to reduce some of your mental pain - no longer **works** like it used to.

I hope you find PEACE..... safely.

Well it's starting to really bruise, so that helps.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Sorry for the misinterpretation. I wish you luck.

You're fine. Thanks for the well wishes.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Yes I have Angel. I use to burn myself like you,usually my hands and wrists,sometimes my neck and chest. Then I started "head bashing". Started with my fists,that wasn't enough so I started using drum sticks and a baseball bat. If I don't have any of those things with me I just bash my head into the wall or the counter top,anything hard. Afterwards the headaches last for several days. I have also shocked myself.
I sincerely hope that situation you wrote about in the bpd forum gets better and you find yourself having many happy days with him.

I am a huge fan of hitting (head banging)... I have also heard of hair pulling - but that does not do much for me.

The nice part of hitting (head banging/punching) to me is.... it is ALWAYS available. Unlike cutting where you need bandages or medical tape. And there are so many places that you can do it without taking any time (do not have to excuse yourself to the bathroom).

Personally I take my knuckles and *knock* on my head all the time (like you are knocking on a hard wooden door). It does not do any "damage" and offers a quick sense of relief (also helps with re-focusing when you lose concentration).

Be safe angel... be safe.