[tigersassy]

I feel the urge to SI growing stronger. Like I want to go buy a new tool. But I shouldn't I know that. I want to feel control over something. I don't feel like I have control over anything. The SI is to feel control again. Over something/anything. Is it worth the feeling of control to give up a yearish of not doing it? Or making my health team concerned? Or my spouse concerned? I just need something to set me back upright in the sea before I drown. I don't even know if it'll work but its worth a shot.

Tig

[x_BabyG_x]

Can you find something other than SI to take control over?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[x_BabyG_x]

I think rather than taking control over SI, take a step back and think about why the situation really is - isn't SI taking over you?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tigersassy]

You are right. I know you are, but when everything else is out o if control what can I claim control of? I feel I need something.

Tig

[puzzclar]

You have control over your actions, right?

[tigersassy]

Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Tig

[Frankbtl]

Hi tigersassy, is there anything in your life triggering these feelings? which you feel a lack of control over? Or could you bring some more control into your life?
I know it isn't always easy to seize back some control, but we're here for you if you want to talk a bit more about it............
Alison
P.S. I've got to say............a yearish........that is brilliant!!. And not to take anything away from the way you're feeling now, but that is real control in itself!!!

[tigersassy]

Not that I've been able to find. I want to take control, but I can't. My emotions are like a roller coaster. That lasts for days. I can't manage them. Eugh.... Can't there be some semblance of sanity in my life our does it thrive off of the lack of it?

Tig

[Frankbtl]

Hi, is there one corner of your life you can really take control of, make it your own, fill it with what YOU want. Do something YOU want to do just for YOU, get away from everything else.
Now these may be out there and maybe you can substitute things of your own but.....finding a activity/passion?........starting a college course/night classes?...........allocating specific times to spend with particular family members/friends?.....?
Sounds like you haven't told your spouse how you're feeling though?? Maybe, however right you might be about them being concerned, they may be able to give you some real support, maybe?
And your health team are there to support you, do you think you could tell them a bit more about how you're feeling. It really doesn't have to be that you are heading straight back to where you were before. Times can sometimes get hard (from time to time) after where you've been/what you've been through, but if you reach for the help you need and you're really supported, things can get easier.
You have done so well in the past, you have it in you!!
Alison

[tigersassy]

I'm afraid to tell my spouse what is really going on because she over reacts and sometimes I unload too much and take things out on her. I just don't know what I can take control over without stepping on someones toes.

Tig

[Frankbtl]

Hi, if your spouse over reacts when you talk to her do you think you could tell her clearly what you would really like from her to support you??
And maybe if she realized that things for you aren't quite the way she is "perceiving" them then that might help her approach to you?? Of course, that's going to need a bit more communication, but maybe if she knew the "full story" or as close as you can get she might be a bit more understanding??
As for the taking control of something, that doesn't have to mean you're stepping on anyone's toes. You're entitled to some "you" time as much as anyone else, and surely no-one can/should complain about you expressing your individuality. It's maybe as much finding a route for that?? So interests? Passions? Goals?
But if what you're thinking of does involve stepping on someone's toes then that doesn't necessarily mean that it shouldn't be done Maybe question some pro's and con's??
Alison

[tigersassy]

The urge is gone. I didn't do it. But I know it'll come back it always does. I'm overly up so I think that I just don't care right now because I'm awesome the way I am. Thank you everyone for reading and replying.

Tig

[Frankbtl]

Hi Tig, that is SO, SO, SO, SO good!!! And it's not just about "the urge is gone".....it's that YOU BEAT IT!!!!!
And whether you're overly up now, not so much so in four weeks/four months.....? average in four weeks/four months.....? whatever, you're still absolutely right that you're awesome the way you are, just try to hold on to that!!!
And we'll still be here whenever times are hard......or anytime you just want to talk!!
AND.............YOU BEAT IT!!!!! WELL DONE!!!!!
Alison