[SheHulk07]

I'm not even going to say what I did, but I'm sure you can guess from reading my past posts. I feel so stupid, and I know I'll likely have to see my doctor again for this when I've seen ger 4 times in the past 2 weeks for previous SH. Nothing is helping me cope, therapy session this week has really triggered past abuse feelings and memories. I want to go hang my head in shame.

[Sam2]

Did you know that a large percentage of addicts, (addicted to anything) ocassionaly make mistakes? It happened, its over and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Beating up yourself for making a mistake isn't going to help. Just keep trying not to SI. Next time you see your therapist, make sure you tell her that what you discussed was enough of a trigger to cause you to lose control. They are there to monitor you and help you figure out your problems by asking leading questions. She needs to know that your therapy sessions can't be that intense yet. I think it will be understood.

sam2

[Frankbtl]

Hi Amy, not read your past posts but.....SI, right? And SI absolutely doesn't make you stupid!!
It doesn't mean that there aren't other more "healthy" coping resources out there for you, but you hadn't got those, or one's that worked for you at that particular time, right?
Now instead of "beating yourself up" about what you've done, instead focus on reaching more towards finding those. I know finding things that might be able to help you might be really hard, take time, and unfortunately no "quick, easy fixes" but.......every step counts.
It is really good that you're committing yourself to therapy and trying to work through things that have happened to you (things that weren't your fault!!). And whatever you can tell your T about how certain things/aspects of the sessions trigger you, might be able to help a lot in the way they carry out your sessions.
But for now "temporary releases"?? e.g. exercise, activities, relaxation.........if you can find something that may help when nothing else is?? Sometimes this can take a lot of trial and error but........worth trying and trying and trying (if you aren't already, obviously!).
And as for visiting the doctor......well, as many times as it takes.........you're the important one in all of this and whatever it takes to get all the help you need. Nothing at all wrong with that!! And NO SHAME!!
Here for you if you want to talk about things a bit more...........
Alison

[SheHulk07]

Thank you. I did call my therapist yesterday and left a message saying that what we talked about really triggered me. I also called the crisis line for my therapist office Thursday night and spoke to a crisis therapist I worked with back in December, so my therapist will be aware that I called.

You're not stupid, just going through a hard time

[SheHulk07]

Update! MAY BE TRIGGERING

Had to go to the hospital last night around midnight for reopening my incision for the 2nd time. Was treated like someone had stabbed me even though it wasn't from someone else. I won't go into specifics but I had emergency surgery at 730 this morning. Have already met with the floor psychologist and supposed to be seeing a crisis therapist again probably tomorrow to figure out what to do next. I never ever meant for this to happen. My regular pcp called this morning to tell me to make an appointment with my doctor for this week. I'm so ashamed for what I did, and I absolutely hate how emergency rooms and the surgeon treating me like a criminal! Thank God I have had some really sweet nurses that are helping me, even uf they don't agree with what I did.

I'm sorry you felt you had to do this again but so glad you're getting help this time Yes sometimes doctors can be horrible when it comes to mental health. Try to not let it get to you, I tend to just try to brush it off and smile and think they don't have a clue!!

[Frankbtl]

Hi Amy, it is really good that you're reaching out for the help you need. But I've just got to say DO NOT feel ashamed for what you did!! You were going through a really hard time, right?! If you had any other ways to cope with it at the time you would have used them, right?!
Now just focus on the way forward and seeing that those around you are helping you in finding more coping resources, you deserve that!!
Alison

[SheHulk07]

Thanks for the replies. I was released yesterday, was going to go inpatient at a psychiatric facility but there weren't beds at either of the places they wanted me to go. I'm seeing my therapist in a few hours, and I guess we'll go from there.

I hope it goes ok with your T later. Maybe keep the inpatient thing in mind as an option, it might be what you need. I know they have no beds right now but hopefully they will soon hang in there