[lonelyperson]

well i went to the doctors today and i told him about the SI and he wanted to see it and i told him no i didnt want to show him, so he said he really couldnt help me and he wanted me to go to this place and see someone and in order for me to do that i needed to sign a paper releasing my records well i didnt sign it i told the lady i couldnt do that cause i didnt know if i could go there. and i left, now i have no meds at all and i really dont want to go to this place. im 21 and in college so i am an adult but im just wondering if they can call my parents and tell them whats going on?
any advice on what i should do?

[Rapunzel]

You are an adult, so they should not be able to tell your parents without your permission (unless the bill is sent to your parents, but even so it wouldn't have information like that on it - just that you were treated). What is the place where he wanted you to go, and why do you not want to? Is is an insurance problem? It sounds like he was trying to refer you to appropriate treatment. Do you have another appointment with this doctor? I don't understand why he didn't let you have your meds.

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<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

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[collegefriend]

My friend went into a hospital for SI about a month ago. I know that he was scared and didn't want to go. but he also knew that if he didn't go his SI would get worse. My friend and I both go to the same college and he got put on a medical release for as long as he needed. He took off two weeks to stay in the hospital and got some rest. He ended up being able to make up all the work, quizes, and test that he missed. all of the prof were very understanding. I don't know if i have helped you any but if you think this place might be better for you or help you any way you might want to consider. My friend has not cut himself for 19 days and i am very proud of him. I hope things get better and if you ever need anything there is always someone who will listen.
~Collegefriend

[lonelyperson]

well this place was a counseling center basically a Psyciatric place and i dont want to go there because then my parents would find out bc of billing. he wont let me have anymore meds cause he said that this place would perscribe me with more than 2 meds, he cant perscribe with those meds bc its not his specialty i guess. no i dont have another appt with this doc i left like i said so i didnt reschedual, now i dont know what i am going to do. i guess ill just have to handle this on my own.

[Rapunzel]

I understand about not wanting your parents to find out. I was so scared of that when I was in college too. I went to the university's student counseling center (maybe that's partially why I was never offered prescriptions before this year). Anyway, back then I was sure that they would just deny my feelings again and use it as a rationale to tell me how much of a mistake it was for me to have left home. Maybe they wouldn't have been ready then, but now it has come out that most of my family has mental health issues, and it isn't a big deal that I do too. My sister is the only one who knows any details about me still, but my issues pale in comparison to my brother.

Here's an idea: tell your doctor (or find another one) about your concerns with your parents finding out. Some GP's hesitate to prescribe psychotropics, and with good reason (pdocs do a better job with that), but GP's can prescribe them. Also check out the student counseling center. Meds alone aren't the answer - it takes therapy too to beat these things. Given a choice between meds and therapy, I'd take therapy - meds may help with some symptoms, but they don't address the underlying causes. Pretty much all colleges provide counseling services, and it is confidential, and free.

You don't have to handle it all on your own.
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<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

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[Zenobia]

I am wondering if your doctor took your unwillingness to show your injuries as a sign that you were in a suicidal state or in grave danger of hurting yourself seriously and needed more attention then he could give. If you are in serious danger you should go to the emergency room and get yourself checked in right now even if your parents do find out because if you hurt yourself severely it isn't going to matter. Please take good care of yourself dear one. Otherwise I would follow Rapunzels advice, go back to him or seek another doctor and tell about your fears. You don't have to be in this state, there is help.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

[lonelyperson]

well the doctor called me today wanting to know if i was ok because i left so angry, i said i was fine and left it at that. i called back later today with a question about the meds since i will be out of meds by monday i wanted to know what i was suppose to do. the lady told me that the reason i didnt get more meds was because the doctor felt he couldnt help me anymore and thats why he wanted me to go to that place. she said she was going to talk to the doctor and the other nurse and even the medical advisor at the health clinic. this is exactly what i didnt want this whole situation blown way out of proportion. shes like well we will have to talk about it and decide what we are going to do to help you. she asked me again if i would consider going to this other place and i said no i dont understand why i have to go there, why cant i just deal with the depression with the meds and deal with the other stuff(SI) with the counselor. she said she understood. whatever i doubt she did she was just saying that so i wouldnt get mad.... i have stopped cutting and burning before for like 2 months but i started again...i havent done anything to myself in almost a week but my counselor told me i should talk to the doctor about it. i think she knew this was going to happen. do you really think i should go to this place i mean do i really need to be put on meds to stop SI? i think i can stop but sometimes its just so hard to not do it. everywhere i look there is a razor blade or a lighter just calling my name. i really want to get over this but i dont know how just to stop. do you understand where im coming from?
another thing the doctor treated me like i was a piece of [censored], like it disgusted him to talk about it. well it disgusts me to look at what i do to myself everday. he said you can get over this and be successful, and put all of this behind you. what does that mean? i cant be successful and SI at the same time? that just made me feel worthless, and the best part i have to go back and talk to him again on monday after they decide what they are going to do with me. i feel like some case study or something. anyway thanks for reading and your advice i really appreciate it.

[Rapunzel]

Oh that's right, you do have a counselor, right? I'm sure that you will want to talk to her about what happened with your doctor. I don't know what meds you are on, but I understand that you can get unpleasant withdrawal symptoms if you go off of them all at once, so just running out of meds is not desirable. Can you schedule a meeting with your doctor and your counselor together to talk about what it is that you need? Maybe the counselor can help your doctor to understand that telling him about the SI doesn't change your status - you were simply being open and giving him all of the relevant information. It doesn't mean that a change of medication is necessarily called for.

While it is better to go to a psychiatrist for psych meds, because they do a better job with them, and I respect your doctor for wanting to refer you, I have never been to a psychiatrist (although my sister is one and I did discuss what I was doing with her). All that I have ever used as far as medication is St. John's Wort, and I am doing pretty well. Therapy eventually helped me quite a bit once I found someone compatible. What treatment options you have really should be your choice.

SI can be a problem, and can limit you and hold you back, as well as keeping you from feeling good about yourself. You really should work towards stopping it. But it is possible to be sucessful and still do it, if it is not out of hand. You are definitely not worthless.

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It will work out. Let them know how you want to be helped, what you want and what you are afraid of. Show them that you are taking charge of your life.

<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

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[Zenobia]

I am a bit cheezed off at your doctor. It feels to me like he was trying to force your hand by denying your meds so you would HAVE to go to this place you don't want to go to. This to me seems underhanded and rotten. I feel it is wrong to deny the meds when everywhere we hear not to stop them cold turkey because it can mess you up. Isn't that a little wrong to put you in that situation? I sorry if I am coming on so strong about it but I think the medical profession should work with us to create our own path to health rather then to ram their path down our throats. We are more likely to become healthy if we are treated with respect and shown how to take possitive action for ourselves rather then being treated like...well you know...and forced into a situation we don't want to go into. It sounds so much like the earlier abuse we have put up with and continues to place us in the victim role. Please call your counsoler and get her to back you up and be your advocate. If she believes you are in danger, work with her to devise a plan of action so you can bring yourself back to a place of strength.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft