[doggiedo]

I recently did something stupid and I know it. I hate may elder it. I loathe myself and wish I were dead. I hurt someone's feelings and I should have thought before I did it. I can't take it back and I will never respect or feel the same wa about myself again.

I literally hate myself an cannot stop thinking of how I should punish myslef. I'm sitting here at work just typing this on my phone, because I can't think of anythig else.

I'm not the person I thought I was or the person I want to be. I can't take it back. I don't know how to move on, and only know that I hate the person I am and who I have become.

Worst is that I want to starve myself or cut myself because I deserve it. I deserve to hurt bc I hurt someone else, deeply. I don't deserve to feel good about who I am. I'm inconsiderate and selfish and I don't know how to move on. I'm trying so hard not to self harm. I have never even done it (deeply or bad) before. I feel like it might help.

[unaluna]

Can you apologize? Send flowers, a plant, a card? This turning inward seems odd.

[doggiedo]

I hurt someone I don't even know. I have been communicatin with my ex bf- which is off limits, but I don't like him anymore and he's not anything but a fried that I text. His fiancé found out and is really upset. She should be. I don't blame her! I bet now it's easier to understand why I'm upset?

[Frankbtl]

Hi doggie, isn't this: "he's not anything but a friend that I text" really what it comes down to??. You texted him as a friend!! You texted a friend!! Now how could that possibly be wrong at the time you did it?
OK his fiance might now be upset, but you know there were no bad intentions on your part when you did it.
Now it's all much more about their relationship than it ever will be about you.
Maybe his fiance is feeling insecure in the relationship, maybe it's just one of those boundaries she'd like in the relationship that he doesn't remain friends with ex's (although for some people it isn't an issue- so how were you to really know?).
And come on, where's his responsibility in all of this??!! If he kept up the communication......??!!
I could say, it's alright, now you can move on and/with lesson learned. But I'm thinking that this runs deeper though?? Maye about the way you feel about yourself in general?? You do sound really hard/down on yourself. If so, have you got anyone you can talk to? Are you getting any professional help??
Although if you want to talk a bit more about it/how things are for you.................
Alison

[doggiedo]

Ugh, okay. I should add, we flirted and stuff. He talked dirty and I kind of engaged him in that behavior. That is why I feel bad.

I am seeing a counselor but haven't seen her in a few months- things have been good. Up until now. So when I hated myself before, I even double hate myself more now. If that's even possible.

My ex husband cheated on me with a woman he is now married to. It started via texting. I'm the person I hated. I AM HER.

HE acted poorly. You did not.

[doggiedo]

I just thought I'd be a better person. I never thought I'd be the one to break up his engagement! Her life will literally never be the same. Bc of actions I did.

HE sounds like slime.

I think if they break up - you just saved her a lot of pain.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, you hated the woman texting your husband, but surely you hated him more!! Afterall he was the one who had the commitment with you, he was the one you trusted, he was the one who you had a relationship with.
I'm not saying hate's a good thing to carry with you at all or that it's necessarily right to hate people but initial reactions and all that...........
And your ex and his fiance could have worked through what he did if the relationship was that strong to begin with anyway and used it to make the relationship even stronger. But clearly something missing/highlighted for that not to have happened, right?
Now to 101% to agree with UM:
"HE acted poorly. You did not"
"HE sounds like slime. I think if they break up - you just saved her a lot of pain"
And I should say UM really "knows where things are at"!!
Alison

[unaluna]

So... exactly whose life will never be the same? Whose life do you have control over? Maybe you should just do something good for yourself instead.

[doggiedo]

I guess you are right- I was probably initially more mad at her bc I wanted to convince myself he was still a good guy. As demented as that sounds.

I think his fiances' life will never be the same. I mean speaking from experience- it'll be hard for her to trust guys again. And it probably ruined their relarionship.

I should take responsiblity for texting him and sending him stuff right!? It's my fault too?

I called my counselor. I am still feeling really bad. I also used a paperip to cut - or attempt to. It made a scratch...can't even do that right.

[Frankbtl]

Hi doggie, I'd say that it's better his fiance knows now the kind of guy he rather than further down the line when there might be a lot more emotional investment there. Just as UM said she's probably being saved a lot of pain by finding out now.
And as for trusting guys again, maybe she's going to be a lot more discerning but that in itself reduces the chances of her getting hurt by guys like your ex, right?? But either way it is probably best that she knows exactly who she's been trusting (your ex), right?
And OK you can take just a little responsibility (if you have too!! ) but he was the one who continued it remember!!
If he felt that he was in a completely committed relationship he could have cut it off at the first questionable message/should have cut it off at the first questionable message.
And you know what, if you hadn't sent those texts then we know that there would have been quite a chance it someone else would have found their way into the relationship, yes??
Now maybe focus as much on not repeating that again on not ending up hurt yourself as well. Then maybe both of you (you and his fiance) are going to be less likely to get "sucked in" by someone like your ex. And then we have: Result!!
Alison

Originally Posted by Useless Me

HE sounds like slime.

I think if they break up - you just saved her a lot of pain.

I agree.

[doggiedo]

I woke up this am wanting to cut. It's all I can think about- I just hate myself sonics. I deserve this.

[Frankbtl]

Hi doggiedo, no you don't deserve that at all!!
And you know, it really isn't going to help beyond maybe that very, very brief time of doing it. What might really help though is trying to see things from a different perspective. You know we see things differently from the way you're judging yourself, so it is possible, right??
And perhaps if you could talk a little more about what's going on for you too?? Whether that's to a friend/someone close to you/a hotline or us.
But you definitely don't deserve this!!
Alison

I hope you choose to vent your anger at him. He failed, not you. Do not hurt yourself (or anyone).

Yell, scream, throw something..... but at HIM, not you.