[Rio_]

...I want to give up - already failed three times this year anyway, and the way things are going it'll probably be four before long. But if I gave up, I'd let my therapist down, and I don't want that. And I don't want to let you all down either - you were the ones who encouraged me to quit each time.

But I don't have the strength...stupid useless weak......why am I making such a big deal out of this anyway? It's only hair! I'm not going to end up in hospital, I'm not going to get scarred, it doesn't even hurt that much. And all I'd be hurting is myself, and I wouldn't mind...it's not like I pull other people's hair out. But I would mind, because I hate that I feel the need to do it. I shouldn't.

I want to give up. But I don't. I'm so confused.

[Christina86]

(((((((((Rio)))))))))))

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But I would mind, because I hate that I feel the need to do it. I shouldn't.

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Please don't "should" yourself. It is always hard to give up anything we're accustomed to, especially when it's a coping mechanism, bad one or not.

You're not letting anyone down by trying, I promise you. People understand that it is REALLY HARD to quit, even for a while. You're trying, and that is all anyone is asking for - don't be so hard on yourself please.

If you don't have the strength right now, lean on your friends and we'll try to help you get through it - and if you fail now, it is not the end of the world - you just keep trying. Very few people can quit something the first time they try - takes a lot of hard work.

You are not stupid, useless, or weak - you are human. You are very much cared about here.

Take care of yourself and PM me anytime okay?

[Rio_]

((((((Canders)))))) Thanks. Sorry about the "should"...I've been trying to stop doing that, but it's something I do quite a lot so I'm too used to it. Same about the being hard on myself.

Thanks, that's really kind! I think it's the exams - the prelims are coming up, and it usually gets harder when I'm revising. The ways of distracting my hands I use don't work for long enough.

[onlymedid]

Something my T taught me might help with the "shoulds". She said just change it to "want". Like, instead of "I should be better at playing cards", change it to "I want to learn to play cards better." I know it has helped me ALOT. I do slip, but then I go back and try to change it.
Please do not give up! You are doing well by talking here. Sorry I don't have many more ideas, but I am here for you too.

[Christina86]

I do know about the "should" thing, I do it all the time myself. Same thing with the being hard on myself too.

Exams do make everything worse, I'm in the middle of mine.

What about writing whenever you feel the urge? Write anything, words that come to mind, feelings or the like? Doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot.

((((((((Rio))))))))) Take care of yourself, you're important.

[Rio_]

That's a good idea, thanks onlymedid! I've tried doing that whenever I tell myself I "need" to do something - changing "I need to get my homework done today" into "I want to get my homework done today" makes me worry less, for example - but I hadn't thought of doing it with "shoulds" as well.

[Rio_]

(((((Canders)))))) Thanks again. Writing about it is what I'm doing here, really, and it does seem to help. It's good to know people care.

[onlymedid]

Hey, we are all here for support. I am just glad that you can let us know when you need it. I know it's sometimes hard for me too, but I am learning.
By the way, I didn't think of using the "want" statements being used instead of "need". Thanks for the idea. Guess I learned something today.

[Rio_]

Thanks. I find it hard as well, sometimes - I'm not used to talking about how I feel, I rarely do it - but writing is a bit easier.

No problem! Glad I could help.