[muller1209]

has anyone cut or anything to any of their private parts. and if so what did it do for you, was it out of shame, did it give pleasure,

[Kiya]

didn't do nuffink bout it. well told dr 1st time. and dissociated. and she called T in who already knew bout it but forgot.

told T 2nd time cux there was some injury but she'd already forgotten about it again and we couldn't talk. bof times nerely got us put in hospital.

last nite again happen by the big scary who is back. cannnae tell no one cux there nuffink anyone can do or will do but put m e inpatent and we no wanna go there. @_@ but yea there was some injury....

been fraid to talk bout this. u brave for startin it.... or i dumb for writin bout it when u only ask ? and not say if u did or not.

skaret to be judkged heer by others who knoes Kiya. :/

[i dont matter]

personally I have not done that.... but I was quite close to doing it last week. I am guessing that a few things would happen. 1) It would not feel good at all. 2) It would totally freak out your partner & therapist. 3) It probably crosses a line that therapist would require that you go in-patient (but I do not know that for a fact).

[muller1209]

Originally Posted by Kiya

didn't do nuffink bout it. well told dr 1st time. and dissociated. and she called T in who already knew bout it but forgot.

told T 2nd time cux there was some injury but she'd already forgotten about it again and we couldn't talk. bof times nerely got us put in hospital.

last nite again happen by the big scary who is back. cannnae tell no one cux there nuffink anyone can do or will do but put m e inpatent and we no wanna go there. @_@ but yea there was some injury....

been fraid to talk bout this. u brave for startin it.... or i dumb for writin bout it when u only ask ? and not say if u did or not.

skaret to be judkged heer by others who knoes Kiya. :/

i have in the past a few times.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by muller1209

has anyone cut or anything to any of their private parts. and if so what did it do for you, was it out of shame, did it give pleasure,

Well, as a female, theres the private private parts and the not so private but still private parts (lower vs. upper). I've never done anything with the lower stuff, but I imagine it would hurt, especially after. I've done some cuts in the upper private area (chest/breast) - it freaked out the gyno and he put in for a Psych referral but I guess I was able to convince him it just wasn't that deep because I haven't heard from them. As far as feelings, it didn't make me feel shame or pleasure - just kind of adventurous really.

[Kiya]

yup-
did freak out dr and therapist
actually didn't hurt -all lower is pretty much numb
kinda was scary (and ok kinda adventurous in the "I'll be a fire breather now" sort of line, i guess, like it was an accomplishment that we did it and didn't do internal damage. or barely. but there is some soreness later.)
we've not told the professionals since the 1st time since it had such a bad reaction. so now I am back in the realm of "I'm in treatment, but I have a secret because no one is ok talking about it, but i'm not supposed to have secrets from my treatment team." I cancelled one appointment, and am quitting with T next week. She just doesn't know it yet.

[ThisWayOut]

it does get an immediate reaction from treatment providers, and generally an extreme reaction. Even if the damage is less than what would need to be done elsewhere on the body to get a similar reaction. Just the mention of the concept of self-harming there is seen as extreme. Most professionals consider it psychotic, even when in reaction to trauma... it's one of those "go directly to jail. do not pass go, do not collect $200" kinda things...
bdsm gets similar reactions from health care workers, especially if there is a history of any mental health issues. there's a lot of stigma and judgement around both, more-so that any self-harming behavior. if it is ever taken to an extreme form requiring medical attention in the least, they over-react and treat it as a mental health thing.
the taboos around sex are still very ingrained into society. anything that is different from the basic stuff is seen as deviant and a mental health issue much of the time. there are more conversations around bdsm since the popularity of 50 shades of grey, but overall it's still a really taboo topic... which sucks. it sucks more when you try to explain injury away as that, and they still don't get it... :/
had really good T's though, and they had not over-reacted to it, just other people (gyn, pdocs, er docs...). but they were all trauma T's, or worked closely with trauama T's. new T does not know yet, and I have no idea how she will react to it. dunno if I can talk to her about it.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Kiya

yup-
did freak out dr and therapist
actually didn't hurt -all lower is pretty much numb
kinda was scary (and ok kinda adventurous in the "I'll be a fire breather now" sort of line, i guess, like it was an accomplishment that we did it and didn't do internal damage. or barely. but there is some soreness later.)
we've not told the professionals since the 1st time since it had such a bad reaction. so now I am back in the realm of "I'm in treatment, but I have a secret because no one is ok talking about it, but i'm not supposed to have secrets from my treatment team." I cancelled one appointment, and am quitting with T next week. She just doesn't know it yet.

will you be talking to t in person to tell her you are quitting? might be a good idea...

[muller1209]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

it does get an immediate reaction from treatment providers, and generally an extreme reaction. Even if the damage is less than what would need to be done elsewhere on the body to get a similar reaction. Just the mention of the concept of self-harming there is seen as extreme. Most professionals consider it psychotic, even when in reaction to trauma... it's one of those "go directly to jail. do not pass go, do not collect $200" kinda things...
bdsm gets similar reactions from health care workers, especially if there is a history of any mental health issues. there's a lot of stigma and judgement around both, more-so that any self-harming behavior. if it is ever taken to an extreme form requiring medical attention in the least, they over-react and treat it as a mental health thing.
the taboos around sex are still very ingrained into society. anything that is different from the basic stuff is seen as deviant and a mental health issue much of the time. there are more conversations around bdsm since the popularity of 50 shades of grey, but overall it's still a really taboo topic... which sucks. it sucks more when you try to explain injury away as that, and they still don't get it... :/
had really good T's though, and they had not over-reacted to it, just other people (gyn, pdocs, er docs...). but they were all trauma T's, or worked closely with trauama T's. new T does not know yet, and I have no idea how she will react to it. dunno if I can talk to her about it.

i agree, i have had some therapist look at me like a total alien for self harming. and others that acknowledged that it happens and worked with me to stop and come up with more constructive ways to deal with my emotions. i think the self injury down there was more for sexual pleasure then it was to release anger or rage as was the cause typically associated when I would self harm. The thought of self injury to private areas came to mind recently although its been a very long time since I have done any self harm. its not something i am going to take into action though. I just wanted to see if anyone else who does self harm as done this. i didn't expect quite the mixed reactions tho. I do find it amusing that some who might self harm says this crosses the line.

[muller1209]

Originally Posted by Kiya

yup-
did freak out dr and therapist
actually didn't hurt -all lower is pretty much numb
kinda was scary (and ok kinda adventurous in the "I'll be a fire breather now" sort of line, i guess, like it was an accomplishment that we did it and didn't do internal damage. or barely. but there is some soreness later.)
we've not told the professionals since the 1st time since it had such a bad reaction. so now I am back in the realm of "I'm in treatment, but I have a secret because no one is ok talking about it, but i'm not supposed to have secrets from my treatment team." I cancelled one appointment, and am quitting with T next week. She just doesn't know it yet.

my gf did say it made sex more intense. it was something she did once and it wasnt for sexual pleasure, although it was hightened.

[i dont matter]

well - yesterday I did cut "there". Some, not a lot.

It wasn't easy to cut (awkward). It did hurt and you felt the pain longer than if you do it in other places.

And I also saw my therapist yesterday and she was NOT happy about this. She was not hostile or threatening to have me locked up. She simply said - it was me punishing myself (true). And we closed the session with her saying "do not cut your penis" several times to me. (embarrassing to hear)

:/

It was stupid. I wish I had not. And I sure do not recommend anyone doing it.

[muller1209]

Originally Posted by i dont matter

well - yesterday I did cut "there". Some, not a lot.

It wasn't easy to cut (awkward). It did hurt and you felt the pain longer than if you do it in other places.

And I also saw my therapist yesterday and she was NOT happy about this. She was not hostile or threatening to have me locked up. She simply said - it was me punishing myself (true). And we closed the session with her saying "do not cut your penis" several times to me. (embarrassing to hear)

:/

It was stupid. I wish I had not. And I sure do not recommend anyone doing it.

that does sound embarrasing, you learn from ur mistakes and it wasnt a grave injury.

[i dont matter]

Originally Posted by muller1209

... and it wasnt a grave injury.

Not to sound too wierd - but, of all the ways that I have fantasized about "ending myself" - I can promise you "that" is not one of them. Geez, what a weird obituary that would be.

Yes... Did the 'upper half' and it was not good. I did it because i was having abuse flashbacks and basically just wanted to hurt myself where i had been hurt. But it took a while to heal and was very uncomfortable under clothes.

[muller1209]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

Yes... Did the 'upper half' and it was not good. I did it because i was having abuse flashbacks and basically just wanted to hurt myself where i had been hurt. But it took a while to heal and was very uncomfortable under clothes.

i would imagine it would be very uncomfortable.

I've selfharmed a couple of times over the years. (perhaps two dozen times total) I started when I was very ill and there wasn't a lot of me that doctors didn't see except for what's hidden beneath my bra and underpants. So yes, I cut and burned there. Only on the front and back, though, not between *you know*. And the burning was only on the "upper half".

My more recent SI was also in those places because it's easily hidden.

[muller1209]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

I've selfharmed a couple of times over the years. (perhaps two dozen times total) I started when I was very ill and there wasn't a lot of me that doctors didn't see except for what's hidden beneath my bra and underpants. So yes, I cut and burned there. Only on the front and back, though, not between *you know*. And the burning was only on the "upper half".

My more recent SI was also in those places because it's easily hidden.

that is the area easiest to conceal.

[puzzclar]

I did, but there is so much shame associated with it, that even though it didn't leave marks it left lots, and lots of shame.

And then I found out that it was more masturbation than si. (even shame posting this)

[ThisWayOut]

How do you tell a new t about this? My old t was an assault counselor, and it came up as a question on the intake, including possible places for it. New t doesn't have that background, so it's not been something I am comfortable telling her. I kinda wish old t was still asking to fill her in on some of this stuff, because it would make it easier to talk about. I know part of its is simply pleasure (like puzzclear though, that brings a ton of shame also), but it's not any easier to talk about. I'm not even sure I could write it down for her. Anyone told their t? How did you do it? How did they react?

[MoxieDoxie]

So piercing your nipples,clit, labia, scrotum, shaft, and penis head is not considered self harm and mutilation? I think it is but it is the acceptable kind. Maybe go get something pierced to satisfy that urge and it won't land you inpatient.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

So piercing your nipples,clit, labia, scrotum, shaft, and penis head is not considered self harm and mutilation? I think it is but it is the acceptable kind. Maybe go get something pierced to satisfy that urge and it won't land you inpatient.

It's not the same thing. the si serves a very specific purpose. It's not a pain thing, or a modification thing, but a "relief from feeling the assault again" thing. body mods in that area would not work... also, i have never associated body mods with self-harm. Once I got a tattoo because I was trying not to self-harm, but it was not the same outcome (emotionally).
I think the body mods would be more effective for the sexual pleasure piece though, and have thought off that. It's just too difficult to have someone else anywhere near that area (other than my wife, and even that is hard a lot of the time)

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

So piercing your nipples,clit, labia, scrotum, shaft, and penis head is not considered self harm and mutilation? I think it is but it is the acceptable kind. Maybe go get something pierced to satisfy that urge and it won't land you inpatient.

I'd say it depends on the person and the motive behind it. Self harm is such an individual thing - even I have several reasons for self harm (all kinds); release, reset button, pain outlet, control, know that I'm real... there's even more reasons than just those. Especially since different Alters harm us.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

How do you tell a new t about this? My old t was an assault counselor, and it came up as a question on the intake, including possible places for it. New t doesn't have that background, so it's not been something I am comfortable telling her. I kinda wish old t was still asking to fill her in on some of this stuff, because it would make it easier to talk about. I know part of its is simply pleasure (like puzzclear though, that brings a ton of shame also), but it's not any easier to talk about. I'm not even sure I could write it down for her. Anyone told their t? How did you do it? How did they react?

I have been thinking about this same thing - I've only had one T seven years ago who asked -REALLY asked- and listed every single possible way to injure. Now I find myself ALMOST calling her up for an apnt and saying "ok, can we go over that list again, now that I can talk, and now that things have ramped up quite a bit???" Because I need help and I don't know how to get it.
She doesn't take insurance.... "Hey, how much does one session cost? No - for ME, who doesn't have a lot of money (read here ziltch). Just ask me the questions, I'll nod, and you tell me how to get through it. K? GO!"
Now I don't even have a T. I fired her last week for being totally useless
Hell, maybe I'll just copy my statement up there and email it to her.

[Victoria'smom]

My neighbor SI there to hide it from her husband

[puzzclar]

Its come up, and is very uncomfortable to talk about but the more open and honest you are, the easier live can become. With understanding of where it all comes from.