[InACorner]

I feel bad for putting this online...really bad but if you have somewhere else to put this then go ahead

Everything i ever said about my dad hitting me once in awhile is true and the SI and the sexual abuse. But i feel like thats not an excuse for me to feel this way. I mean it was my fault to begin with! I mean if i would have just not turned the tv on and got my stepdad angry...or if i just would have said no. I mean all of you dear hearts touch my heart with your struggles. Im pathetic!!! I dont deserve to feel this pain and anguish. It was my fault. it was my fault. I see this now. I shouldnt SI ......i mean i have no reason to. Everything in my life has been choosen by me. I have no mental illness...I have no physical illness. The lump is really just my body saying you suck. I have no IBS...its probably just stress. Stupid Stupid Stupid me. I have no excuse!!! I cannot blame this on a disorder....i cannot say i am depressed and sad and lonely because i have a mental illness and i struggle everyday with it. No you wonderful people struggle everyday and work soo hard at your lives. You have so much life in you all....you have so much life and passion for survival. All ive found out is that i want a way out. A way out of being responsible...a way out of doing work. Im lazy. I am sick to try and think i have a mental illness or a physical illness. I am a terrible person. I am sorry that i have come here and allowed myself to affect you all. I once told someone i was a leach. A leach lives alone, a hermit. People are afraid of leaches because they look disgusting, their actions frighten people. But if you look closely a leach tries to help by sucking the bad blood out of others. They hold on tight to people they meet because they really just want love. Leaches just want to be loved by others and people just rip them off and throw them back and then the leach waits patiently for someone else to hold on to, someone else for them to help. But i realize now a leach is a leach. It is a parasite....and no matter how hard a leach tries to be good no matter how good their intentions ....its all just to accomidate their actions. I am a terrible person. I am so sorry for being this way. Please forgive me. I am so sorry you have to deal with this leach...this pathetic sorry self obessed leach. Its all my fault...everything.
love you guys, pm me if you need me
Inny

do not be sorry
do not think u deserved any of the abuse
do not think it is u to blame
they are adults to capable of making decisions that should be the best ones that do not hurt others but they chose wrong and they hurt you this gorgeous fun spirit
you are in no way a leech
you are not a parasite
we love you inny
you are free to be here because you are sad
you are angry at the world at urself and at ur abusers
you are a strong person inny..but just like the rest of us you come here to get that support that is so freely givin and u are allowed it
there is not a checklist to sign up here saying u need a diagnosis.. you are allowed here to get support...

stay strong inny
will see ya in chat real soon....

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((inny)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[desperado]

((((((((((((((((((((((Inny))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Please know that you were not to blame. You are not a leech; you are not a horrible person, etc. No reason to apologize, kiddo.

You have been through a heck of a lot and you are allowed to feel what you are feeling. I am happy that you have found PC & found us. We are lucky to have found you, too.

Brownee has a great post. I want to offer my support, too.

Love,

Desy

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((inny))))))))))))))))))))) I wish you could see yourself in your own words. A caring and good person. It seems that it is so common to minimize what horrible things have been done. Because they are abuse. And you have not brought them on. It sounds like you have just tried to live in an abusive world. The tricky thing is that you don't deserve any of it. It is not your fault that he is abusing you. It is his.

Please don't compare yourself to a leech. That you are not You are someone who is hurting and reaching out And that is good. Not being a leech.

It is late but I wanted to respond. I hope you are safe. Take care.

[InACorner]

thanks guys

i just wonder though when you will see how bad i really am

im not a good person

i dont deserve to be with such wonderful people

and look !!! Im gushing with self pity

that sickens me

[StargazerLily]

I'm sorry. ((((((((inny)))))))) if okay

i just wanted to say that i often think those same thoughts that i have no excuse for feeling the way i feel, that i'm not sick and just wasting the time of those that really are. i'm sorry that you have to feel this way too inny, but you have to believe that its not true

((((((((hugs))))))))

hope you start feeling better soon

inny so much love in here for you. you are a strong, beautiful, caring, generous and funny girl. you have been dealt crap in your life which happens to have made you strong and caring and giving to others. i agree with bronees post.

you are a wonderful person, this place wouldn't be the same without you. you are no leach, you are not a bad person. believe me, i believe in you and i will keep telling you until you believe me.

sending you gentle, warm, loving squishy hugs. i love you jinny xoxoxoxox

[snowflake_48888]

((((((((((inny)))))))))) Please don't call yourself such names. We all come here for a reason...whether we have a dx or not. You, like the rest of us, need the support of loving and caring people that understand how hard life can be. It's not your fault for the way people abused you. You have been very helpful, NOT harmful, to people here. You are strong...think good things......
Take care,
Snowy

[nothemama8]

inny these words you write are just crap your feeling the real you shines through and this is who we see and love, Please remember how decieving depression is it makes you feel bad,
Love ya
Angie

[AlteredState01]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Please remember how decieving depression is it makes you feel bad,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Can relate to the hate, but know that it is not who you really are.

I agree with nothemama8. Our illness deceives us all the time, never allowing who we truly are to shine through.

Take me for example. I think I am FABULOUS until those voices (of mine) in my head start to tear me down. If I could stop listening to those voices, I know my real self would show through. Deep down, I know I am a good person. My mind just doesn't allow me to think that way very much.

Don't know if I will ever win this struggle, but gonna keep trying! Hope you do, because I bet that you can also see a wonderful person deep down inside!

Altered State

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Inny)))))))))))))))

I know what it feels like to think all that stuff, and it hurts to believe it and it hurts to not believe it too.

You do NOT have to justify your SI - dealing with it is dealing with it. Might not always be the "best" but thats fine.

You are NOT anything you've said. I've seen you around here, you are nothing at all resembling a leech. You help people, people here really do like you and think you're pretty darn great!

I may be the biggest hypocrite in the world (since I'm dealing with stuff now too where I think it's all my fault for everything bad thats happened in my life) but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It will NEVER be your fault.

You are not pathetic, you are not terrible, you don't suck, you are not lazy, you are not disgusting, you are not self-obsessed. (I think I got all your negative words to describe yourself, if I didn't then I'm sorry).

You are loved, like it or not. Whether or not you believe it, its TRUE.

It is NOT YOUR FAULT. You ARE LOVED.

And please please please PM me if there is anything I can do for you.

[Rapunzel]

(((((((((( Inny ))))))))))))

I agree with what the others have said. You are loved here, and you deserve better out of life, and the abuse that has happened to you is not your fault.

What I would like to add is that everything you do has a reason. If it were not helping you in some way, you would stop doing it. Maybe the emotional support helps you to have enough to hang onto so that you are able to keep going for one more day. Maybe SI gives you control of at least one thing in a world where it feels like you are thrown to and fro by whichever whims are currently the most powerful. I hope that these signs tell you that you do have something serious going on, and that you need to get help. Because if you didn't need help, you wouldn't feel this way or act the way that you do. Right?

We can give social and emotional support, but it is going to take therapy and hard work for you to reclaim your life and make it something that you can be satisfied with. Sorry to give you bad news, but the good news is that it does help, and also that you are worth it. You have so much potential. It would be tragic if you didn't get the help you need to make full use of all of your talents, including your ability to relax and enjoy life. Help is out there.

Love,
Wendy