Overdosing

Feel like overdosing now ugh intense urge will call my crisis line

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I'm doing better I got through it without self harm or help

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Well done!

Good job.

Saw my psychiatrist and he wants me to work on sitting with my emotions an letting my brain regulate itself to work through the emotions and maybe after mastered DBT do some exposure therapy . He used reverse psychology on me and basically said if I want to stay a drug addict an be taken care of my whole life I keep doing what I'm doing or do something to change if don't .

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Maybe you'll find people going through similar stuff in the Self Injury - Forums at Psych Central forum.

Can someone move it there my thread?

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Ask a moderator and I am sure they will move it. It will show up in both forums. Here is one bluekoi

http://forums.psychcentral.com/member.php?u=294509

Click on contact info and then send private message.

My case worker is bringing my meds for tonight should I let her take my other medications and also tell her i know where my Dad is keeping the Aspirin ?

I so torn on this it makes me so anxious just thinking about this all and I feel like I am giving over power to them if I give them over the meds

I am in contact with a nurse named PA (just for privacy reasons) here are credentials
Nursing school with diploma. 20-plus years nursing in general hospitals, med/surg and in later years employed by psychologists who also handled substance abuse problems. I am up-to-date with current treatment options, including medically-supervised programs and 12-steps.

She is wanting to help me and should I allow her to help me?

Yes. Hopefully it will go well, but it sounds like you need some help. Hugs!

If it's any comfort to you, I've done this, you're not alone. I went through a phase where I'd OD once a week for a period of maybe 3-4 months. Sometimes I'd end up in hospital, other times I would wake up 24 hours later. Ending up on a ventilator in intensive care brought me back to reality.

I'm not really sure why I was doing it. It wasn't to get high as I would usually end up being knocked out very quickly, skipping any euphoria or ****ed up feeling.

It helped being put on a depot (long lasting injection) of antipsychotic meds instead of being given tablets. This may be an option for you, you should ask your team. I am now ok and can be trusted with tablets.

I got over this phase fairly quickly so you may too.

Stay safe.

Hi,

Welcome to the SI forum. Boy that's a weird way to start this message.

When I get in a place when I can't trust myself to take good care of myself, I know that my thinking is messed up. After a lot of work and a lot of time, I've learned to let go and let the people I trust take care of me and even make decisions for me about how badly I've hurt myself. When I'm thinking well, I get scared because it's so easy to hurt myself more badly than I thought I would. I trust that my pdoc and therapist really care about me and want to help.

It's interesting how you feel about DBT. I used to feel that way about EMDR. A few different people had suggested it to me because it seems to really help with trauma. I would SI when reality started to get weird and I would start to feel more and more numb and disconnected. SI would bring everything back to normal and everything would feel real again. Anyhow, things weren't getting better and I finally decided to try EMDR. I guess I was embarrassed to admit I was scared of EMDR. Thing is, it's worked pretty well for me.

Thanks Yea Im learning to do that as well as you did and I have let go just a tad but freaking out and anxious although keeping in mind they do want what is best for me they wanted a list of all my meds i had so i sent them a detailed list of my medications and I am worried as He++ about them trying to weasel me into giving them all up . And I also have to research the damage i possibly am doing to myself , I have contacted some experts and have asked them their advice in all this as well so hopefully that may help me from feeling alone and stuck also scared about this all .

Im ok about EMDR but not not so much DBT i just sometimes think it is all talk and no action that all it is a ludicrous ideals from society no offense to anyone or the creator . I like EMDR better though .

Thanks for the comfort HUGSSSS

My team is now saying either i take all of my meds or they take my meds back with them ( i usually take benedryl out till im ready to go to sleep ) and they also reduced my morning meds to 2 meds instead of 4 in the morning .

I don't know what their angle is im unnerved by this and scared of their initiative why would they do this i wonder i feel like fighting this

They are trying to make sure they observe me taking most of my meds in the evening so i dont take most of them on my own , but that still dont make it easy but it makes me want ot rebel and try to skirt around that . help dont know how to deal with this .

Honesty. I think your main goal at the moment is bring honest with at least one person on your team. Tell them how their control makes you feel. Good job so far.

I have been with my peer support and my nurse and care manager as well my other providers , I had a slip up just recently 10 aspirins with 2 Tylenol with codeine on an empty tummy for the pain but not to od but i got reprimanded by poison control.
should i remove my meds and give them to my team ?

Hey,

Good job on trying to figure out what's best for you. I don't know what you should do, but I do like the idea of being honest with someone on your team. Good job of carefully considering what you need to do. I'm glad your mood is fine.

I kinda skimmed through all this as best I could.
I'm glad you have a team you are working with, but it still sounds like you are in a cycle that needs broken.
It might be good to look at what you are trying to numb-out when you take the pills.
You might want to contact also SAFE Alternatives (S.A.F.E. Alternatives® | Locations). They specialize in self-harming behaviors. A psych hospital stay may be an option if you can't seem to break the cycle on your own. I wnet through a period of about a year and a half of progressively worse SI that constantly landed me in the hospital for severity. I finally entered a specialized program which helped a lot (I went to a trauma specialty unit). If you do go the psych route, I would suggest a program that offers therapy, not just med stabalization (aka: not simply a general psych unit, but someplace that can start to address the underlying issues).
Also, DBT may be the most popular treatment refferral for self-injury and emotion regulation, but it's not for everyone. If you are feeling that it is either not helping, or more triggering, I would urge you to keep asking for alternatives. I happen to be very triggered by DBT and it has become life-threatening every time I have tried it (well over 7 times because those I worked with were sure it was the only way I could heal). I found (for myself) that intensive therapy where I can address my triggers and what they actually trigger with the help of a supportive person is more effective than all the DBT in the world. I know I need to address my trauma before I can totally give up my self-harm. DBT can have some useful skills though, so if you can take any of the info they give you and tailor it to your needs, it can be a great resource. I never did find the behavior chains helpful. They felt demeaning and trivializing because I still felt horribly alone in dealing with everything.
keep trying and reaching out. And keep looking for alternatives that may be helpful when what they suggest doesn't work.

Thanks for replying

and im sure I will be ok i just am in a rut thats all and my nurse wont let me keep my extra meds why ?

are you addicted? if so you need proper treatment for that

I am addicted to overdosing yes and I am getting treatment for that ,im addicted solely because it provides comfort and a way of coping when nothing else works or helps .

My doctor says my medical symptoms are psychosomatic and that she understands why and so she suggests that less is more in terms of treating the physical symptoms
and quite frankly im still stunned but guess not surprised for the most part i am healthy so i guess truly i need not be so offended or what not .

I am glad I saw her though and now i know what to treat and maybe treating my mental symptoms my medical symptoms will go away like the pain and what not so here goes trying to see what happens when i try to treat the psych symptoms . Any ideas with how to deal with doctors saying this is all your mind per say with the symptoms?