After 2/3 weeks

Im sooooooo stupid

I just watched Real Life on MTV it was I Self Injure

i have become quite addicted to surrounding myself with SI info, pictures online, and this was just another thing but it wasa too graphic...and my boyfriend came home and yelled at me...

so after everything i was anxious and .....i did it...i was like a rabid animal looking for my blade...
why did my boyfriend have to be angry with me ...

i cant believe i did it

im so upset

I am sorry that you were triggered and then cut. Maybe you could think about your motivation for reading about and watching shows about SI when you are so vulnerable? It is too bad the sequence of events proved to overwhelm you. Please take care and try and be safe.

((((((((((((((((((((inny)))))))))))))))))))))

your not stupid

your lost

you need support and love and care

its ok inny your not the only one...

i dont know why i surrounded myself with that stuff

i know why...because thats how i cope...by cutting...and if i couldnt do it id watch others do it...its like when your on a diet...you dont eat alot but watch others shoving fatty food down their throats...whyll you sit there with your carrot....

its all gone overboard again...it hurts to put clothes on!!!! All over my stomach my abdomine and my legs....of course all the places where clothes with rub against your skin but its either that or my arms...and Dear Lord with all of these feelings I dont need people asking me like little parrots...whats that...where did you get that....how about that...grrrrrrrr
if i keep doing this and cutting this bad...i either wont be allowed to wear clothes or ill stop bleeding like last time...then what...im tired..and im going back to work tonight...havent been there in awhile and the thought is driving me nuts..i really dont want to go....

I'm sorry InACorner. I know what you mean about surrounding yourself with SI too. I have a hard time and felt so screwed up after watching Intervention when it was on a cutter. It was so nice to see the blood flow again. I hate myself for wanting it so much. I just want you to know you're not alone. It doesn't make us bad people for wanting it. We have just conditioned ourselves to use SI as a coping mechanism. It seems like there is such a fine line between seeing enough to help us cope and seeing to much to trigger us. I'm really sorry your boyfriend is also making this especially hard for you.

Try to hang in there. You can always try again. And you can always talk to us

((((((((((hugs)))))))))