some thoughts and questions

Lately I've been feeling the urge to cut, which I haven't done it over a year now. Before that I only had one slip up, and without it I wouldn't have done it for almost 2 years. The thing is, I am not depressed. I'm not sad, or overly anxious. But I have had some triggers in my life the past month or so. Anyone heard of the new True Life on MTV? "True Life: I Self Injure" it really got me thinking, which in this case isn't so good.

Does anyone else feel like SI is this drug, and you're an addict who has to continually resist? I never thought I'd feel urges that strong again, like I did when I used to cut. But I did last night and I couldn't even pinpoint why. Thankfully, I didn't cut. I thought VERY far ahead and imagined the consequences, and how it would only hurt me in the long run. I imagined how it would probably be the beginning of a downward spiral, because the shame of cutting and the utter disappointment I would have in myself could really send me into a tailspin, I'm sure.

Either way - I didn't do it. But I feel like I'm getting tired of always resisting, fighting the urge, etc. I think ahead but that can only work for so long. I was wondering if anyone had any advice? I've just been so easily triggered lately. I keep thinking about it. I write in my journal during urges, that helps, but I still don't know what else I should be doing. I can't/won't do anything in substitution of hurting myself (re: rubber band thing, ice cubes, red pen, etc) I just was wondering what some do to distract themselves.

Thanks everyone, please be safe!

(((((((((((((((((hereiam)))))))))))))))))))
Good for you for resisting!! That shows so much bravery, and it can be so hard...

I used to cut as well, but then my parents found out. After that I had very little trouble resisting urges to cut simply because of my parent's reaction--it was the most horrifying thing I've ever been through. I mean, when your mom is holding you and sobbing, "where did I go wrong," it makes a bit of an impression. >.<

I'm not sure if that will help you at all, but instead of imagining the consequences to YOU way in the future, imagine the REACTIONS of others who love you when they find out.

If imagining things doesn't help you or is starting to get less effective, just get out of the house or wherever it is that you SI, or away from the situation that's triggering you. Sometimes if you leave the place where SI feels "comfortable" or "okay", it can help you realize that it's not. Just take a walk, go to the store/mall/etc., or wherever.

I really don't know if that'll help you in the least, but the main thing is to stay strong. You've obviously done an incredible job of that for the longest time, so I know you still can. Good luck!!!

yours,
~muse

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hereiam said:
Does anyone else feel like SI is this drug, and you're an addict who has to continually resist?

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Sometimes, more often then I'd like to admit.

Good for you for continuing to try to not SI.

Yes, SI is a behavioral addiction. It's best to find a replacement that effectively addresses how you are feeling, whatever you might be stressed about, etc. Maybe if you get triggered you could tell yourself that's a sign that something is bothering you at some level that you might not be aware of, and try some active problem-solving to find what it could be and do something about it. Or, like Muse suggested, go someplace and do something fun, somewhere that you aren't likely to si.

Congratulations on not giving in.

Rap

I often have urges to SI. I haven't done it in almost a year. Although I have been dreaming that I am SI'ing. Does that mean anything. In the dream it is much more serious than I have ever done? I'm glad that you are resisting the urges, I know it is so hard!!

It is like a drug. I have been in recovery for a pot addiction for over a year now. This is just as bad. I've gone 2 weeks without cutting and I want to cut so bad. Last week I poked myself with a pin, but I wanted to take it up and down my arm. I'm trying to fight the urge tonight.

Congrats to you for recognizing the potential damage to just a few minutes of gratification and seeing the uneven value.

It is like an addiction, because it's the only thing many of us know in order to cope with emotional situations. You're forced to find a new way--completely foreign territory! You're forced to confront why you need to cut and what else you can do to compensate rather than inflict pain upon yourself.

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hereiam said:
Either way - I didn't do it. But I feel like I'm getting tired of always resisting, fighting the urge, etc. I think ahead but that can only work for so long.

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I have SI thoughts in my head constantly and when they get too much the most effective distraction I find now is just to wait for a while e.g. 2 minutes, then another 5 minutes, then until the end of this TV programme etc. As the time goes on the urge diminishes again. I do know though that resisting the urge isn't always that easy. I have succumbed a lot recently- - but when you can resist the urges it is a real accomplishment and makes you feel a lot stronger. GL, and I hope you can find some strategies that will work for YOU.

just a p.s. to what I posted... I realised last night how much of an addiction SI is at the mo- I can't go to bed at the mo without doing something to myself. I do it without even really realising it... but the urge is so great I HAVE to do it or i cannot sleep because of the thoughts. But this has happened before and I have come thru it, so i will just have to 'weather the storm' for a bit...