cutting

hey everyone, i cut my wrist i have done it a couple times and too be honest feeling the urge now, i want to stop but can't because in a way it feels good it releases the demons the eat me up inside but i know when people see my wrist especially my friends they hurt, my doc isn't helping me much and most of that is me because i can't tell him everything because i will loose my job and i cant loose that i am doing so good in it, help me fight the urge
nikki

Nikki,

It does seem to help, but there are better ways to deal with your feelings. The sooner you can stop, the better, because once it is an established habit some of us find that we do it automatically or have a hard time finding motivation to look for other options.

There is a reason why you feel like hurting yourself. The first step is to recognize your feelings and know that you are allowed to have them. Don't let anybody minimize what you feel or your personal value. Try to find someone you can talk to. You are welcome to vent to us here. Also consider therapy. You didn't say what kind of doctor you are going to, but if it is a general practitioner, s/he probably doesn't have the training to know the best way to help you. You need to have someone you can be open with and not have to worry about an overreaction. It sounds like your job is something that you are good at and that helps you. This shouldn't have to interfere with it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

I want to welcome you to our little place on the boards. I am glad you have found us and I hope we can help you get through this period of difficulty.

I have to agree with Wendy totally. Having been a self-injurer for 24 years I can tell you from experience that it becomes a habit that is extremely hard to break. All the time hurting myself made it possible to avoid truely dealing with the feelings that I wanted to escape so I never learned how to make things better for myself. It is like drinking. You can drink yourself into a stupor but the next morning the problems are still there AND you have a hangover. Our hangovers are scars and a stigma.

I found that it was important for me to get therapy to help me learn to let those feelings play through me. To help me learn to cope with the over-whelming emotion that I wanted to escape from. It is also a place that I can say what I need to say without fear that my life will be wrecked by the things said in that office.

Now lets think of things that you can do to get you through this moment. First off, know that we all have gone through what you are going through. You are not alone. For me it is a daily struggle. Sometimes just a mild itch that I can distract myself from, sometimes it is an mind robbing craving that I don't have a clue how to make stop.

Some things to do:
Get excercise: run, dance, lift weights, garden, do jumping jacks
Do something creative: painting, poetry
Do something repetitive: knitting, crochetting, bouncing a ball off a wall, video games
Do something to explore your feelings: journaling, tarot cards
Do something social: Call a friend, keep posting here

Most of all take care of yourself,
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

i am seeing a physciatrist (sp) he just puts my on all kinds of drugs so i am in comatose state, i tell him and lowers the dose of them, then raises them back up again grrr but i am feelin better today not so much like wanting to hurt myself, one of my friends helps me he regonizes when i am feelin really down and about to do something and showers me in attention and calls and stays with me when needed so thats a good thing
nikki

thanks for the tips, last night was an urge i had a really hard time fighting, thats why i was looking for any kind of forums, and this one seemed more for support then the other ones did, and thats what i am looking for someone to get through the tough times, i don't like doing it, but i feel its the only way out, but then i realize i am stronger then it, and i can beat it, and the funny thing is llast night my cat started loving on me so he made me feel needed at least by him if nobody else
nikki

We are here for you. This really is a great forum. Although I'm also new here, I have to say, you can learn a LOT from the people on here. They are awesome!

Sweet Crusader
(Angela)