[StillIntending]

I only started self harming less than a month ago. The first time I had a pair of tweezers and I didn't even draw blood although the resulting scab took two weeks to heal. Now I have other things to cut with and I've drawn blood on myself. Not very much though because I'm hiding my depression from my parents and I know that I can't afford to leave physical evidence of depression on my body. Is that still valid? I feel fake saying "I cut" or "I practice self harm," because I still have control over it. So. I don't know. I feel like I'm not even good at being depressed. I hate myself so much that I injure myself and I can't even do that well. Honestly I don't know where I'm going with this post. I'm basically rambling I guess. Sorry.

It is still "valid" if it is hurting you and you sound a lot like me I started with tweezers anyway this is not about me you really should tell someone while you still feel you have some control over the situation I know it is a super super scary thought but tbh once people (parents in my case) know and they are over the initial shock it is so much less stressful not having to hide as much. Also then you can start seeing someone to help you feel less depressed.

[mazing]

I agree with eden. Self-harm in any form is valid if it hurts you, no matter how much or how much control you have. Often self-harm starts off as rather 'minor' and with some aspect of control (just to see how it feels / what happens). The problem is that it can become a habit to deal with stress and then even addiction. As you do it more generally you don't get the same feeling so it escalates and becomes more severe.

Is there anyone you can talk to about your depression and how you are feeling? Sometimes just having someone to talk to can make a big difference.

i hope you can talk to someone and express your emotions.

like was said, it's valid. if you feel like you have a reason to do it, and it's helping you release emiotion, it's valid

but i encourage you to find alternatives- because once started, it's a very hard thing to break

[Chuva]

Dear StillIntending,

It is always valid if it hurts you, and I don't mean physical hurt but psychological hurt.
Please, as the others suggested, reach out for help before it becomes too addictive.

[i dont matter]

Your feelings are ALWAYS valid. They are yours. Nobody else has a right to tell you how you feel or why you should feel a certain way.

That said - as is true for pretty much all self harmers (myself included) - we SH because it is a coping method to deal with emotional pain in a way that makes sense in our head.....

I will leave it to the professionals to argue if our logic is flawed or not. I just know that it is effective. Maybe not ideal, but it works for me.

Best wishes for you.

[StillIntending]

I either self harm in order to train myself to be ok cutting into my skin in case I want to kill myself at a later date, or if I feel I need punishment for something I've done. Generally if I convince myself that I've either materially hurt or driven away my best friend, it's a fair bet I will be cutting that night. Of course. I never have actually materially hurt him, or driven him away. He always confirms that. It's just in my head. I hate that my head isn't reliable anymore. I hate all of who I am.
Thank you everyone for the validation. That's nice. Validation is nice. I'd like to at least not be fake in my depression.