Hello. Just wanted mention that I came home and bashed myself in the head with my fists several times. And it felt very good. I've hurt myself before...but this time it felt very satisfying.

Not sure it matters...just thought I tell someone.

[mlpHolmes]

Hi Ipse !! Sure it matters because YOU matter. I'm real sorry you were struggling today, & hitting yourself at the time made you feel better
Do you have someone you care about? Would you show them just how much you care @ them by "hitting them with your fists"? Would this unquestionably show them you cared for them? I think not. And in this context Ipse you deserve to be treated with dignity, love & respect. How would that feel? What would it look like?
Please PM if you want to.

[bipolar_bear]

Of course hurting yourself matters. I am sorry you are feeling so much pain that you are having to cope by harming yourself. Maybe things are just so overwhelming right now for you. Is there someone you can talk to? Please feel free to PM me if you would like. Take care and stay safe.

BB

i am still going strong with this practice....either with my fists or some sort object (like a pillow or, for some reason, an oven mitt)...striking myself in the head. it feels like i need to keep it up.

[Direction]

In this month have you talked to someone professionally?

If not it's time - a month of continually practicing this is not a good idea.

I'm on break from my therapist...though in the process of getting back to her.

[Soidhonia]

(((DIXIT))). I am sorry for the struggles that you are having at this time. I hope to see you in chat soon (((DIXIT))). soidhonia

[Direction]

What does "on break" mean?

[skittles]

i know how its is to fit urself in the head with your fists.. i do it allot when im upset......... i usually go for my forehead for some reason....... its not good but sometimes it helps me calm down.... im sorry that u go through this to........ i hope u feel better soon....

On break means, about 3 months ago I told my therapist I think I needed a break from therapy. So we are on break from therapy. The break was designated as being 3 months long, so the break is "supposed" to be ending soon.

soidhonia. i don't go into the chat room.

[Direction]

Good - I think the break probably has been long enough - don't you? Do you have an appointment set yet?

Ipse, I use to do that too and remember the feelings of satisfaction it brought...and the feeling of having suffered for being badddddddd...it was punishment but a very enjoyable controllable punishment if you get my meaning...

no appointment set yet......it is complicated....waiting for her look over and return some questions before i making an appointment.

......i'm not even sure my therapist really wants me to come back......she may say she does, but i wonder if in her heart she really wants me to come back.

probably not fair to assume that of her and i don't assume it is true....i just think it is a possibility because i'm very difficult to work with. at least, it seems that way because my emotional defense system is so confusing and complicated (even to me) that we are having the hardest time breaking through to really fix what the heck is wrong with me, or at least see something inside that will show me it is okay to to stop me from loathing myself and start me loving myself. it is very frustrating and she may want to stop. even though it was my decision to take a break, i'm not sure she is ready for me to return from break.

[Direction]

I think your right - probably not fair to assume that of her...if it is big concern you can always ask. You then don't waste anymore time or she understands that you might feel like you are unfixable (which you are not!)

[Irine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Ipse_Dixit said:
On break means, about 3 months ago I told my therapist I think I needed a break from therapy. So we are on break from therapy. The break was designated as being 3 months long, so the break is "supposed" to be ending soon.

i think the sooner the break ends- the better it will be for you.

it kind of depends on my Therapist now...in how responsive she is to getting me back in....