why do you harm yourself?

StillIntending, one more thing. If you've seen a physician recently, you can submit a request to the hospital for copies of the results of any tests they did, for example bloodwork if they took some of your blood. You may need a parent's permission.

Self-hatred. I cut to damage myself. As deep as possible to destroy my body and mutilate/scar my skin. My self-hatred is so strong.

This site has no notification system and I missed this.


When I say rare, I mean like once or twice a year.

To me that makes it more disturbing, because it's more like a last resort. There's no other choice, nothing else is going to assuage these feelings. It's explosive emotionally. It doesn't get to that point too often, so when it does, it leaves me pretty shaken. Last time I did it I was in tears afterwards and seriously considered calling some hotline (but decided it wasn't worth it, they have real self-harmers to attend to).

Also, I might have mentioned this elsewhere, but my "self-harming" is really...pathetic, compared to people slashing themselves with razor blades or burning themselves. I just beat myself, belts and fists, occasionally doors. I'm more like a deranged person than a depressive.

As to what I punish myself over...mostly feeling inadequate, like a useless, worthless, horrible person, like everything about me is just bad and wrong and deserves to be hurt for being so defective. I can have delf-destructive thoughts of others hurting me, usually triggered by hearing an account of someone else's suffering. Like, hearing about how someone was bullied every day for years and something in me wants someone to knock me around, hold me down and punch me, forcibly strip me and sexually assault me, you know, bully stuff. Or even hearing about someone's abusive childhood will have me "wanting" someone to beat me, to lock me up, starve and hurt me, etc. I put wanting in quotes since it usually isn't an explicit desire, rather my head just fills with images of these things happening.

Yes, it's completely f-ed up. I know.

Last attack was over food and dieting (first and only time, no I don't have any kind of ED; though I've flirted with binge eating before). That's what I call them, attacks. That's what it feels like and it helps imply how rare it is.

Self-punishment. Extreme anger at myself or others. Inner tension that needs to be released. A way of crying when I cannot cry the normal way.

Why do you put self-harming in quotes? Any form of self-harm is bad. Even suicidal thoughts is considered self-harm. Try not to minimize your problem, chica! Mine started out "minor" too...

I guess because it's so minor and rare. Doesn't stop me from being scared of it though. I actually checked myself into a hospital once because my violent thoughts were scaring me so much (it bugged me that everyone kept saying I was suicidal. I wasn't. I just "wanted" someone to beat me unconscious or run me over with a car until every bone is broken. Wow, that sounds insane when written out). It's more thoughts than anything.

It doesn't help that after I explained this to my mom (in less detail), her response was "It you wanted to hurt yourself, why didn't you just do it instead of running to the hospital like a coward and wasting everyone's time?" There's a reason I never really trusted her with my emotional issues. Who knows, maybe that's how I learned to minimize my own issues...

That's really sad...I'm sorry your mom said that to you.

Hi all, it has been a very long time since I did any self harm. I use to do it to know that I could still feel something. At other times it was to cope with a stressful situation that I was dealing with at the time. I will admit that only a couple weeks ago, I did do it, I hadn't done this in ages but for some reason I just needed the release that it gives. I hope that all of you and all that may read this reply, please know that there are better ways to feel, it may not seem like it at the time but there is a better way to cope. I hope that I never have to feel that urge again, I don't like it and I don't want it in my life. I have to much to think about and harming myself is beyond what I need in my life. Please be safe all.

because i hate everything about myself, i hate how my life is so messed up, i hate that my own family have shut me out, i hate feeling worthless, hate seeing people enjoy themselves, etc etc

it's the only relief that really works for me and i rely on it so much

calming, stress release, control.

I think I self injure because of self-hate, depression, and anger.

I'll typically cut myself after fights or after I weigh myself. I'm not sure why I did it yesterday, though. I just suddenly wanted to. And here I was doing so good... :'(

Mine was related to self-loathing, but not directly. It actually felt more like a way to overcome the self-loathing, and pain in general, by confronting pain head-on.

I started SH as a preschooler and am almost 50 now. Lots more than cutting. These days, I think about it but don't always do it b/c I don't want to let my T down. I plan it out in such graphic detail that it's 'almost' good enough. I dont deserve the relief of the true thing anyway. sometimes tho, I must do it when I'm not aware of doing so, b/c I find injuries of the type I"d normally do but have no memory of doing them. FML

from anger if someone sneers at me, or from turmoil for release to quiet the swirling, or from failure when I tried as hard as I could and it wasn't enough or just extreme frustration and powerlessness.

I do it because I hate the way I feel at the time, like I can't get out of my head. When I cut it takes the focus of my feelings and puts the focus on something else (something I know how to take care of, and heal). I also think that sometimes its hard to express to people how awful you feel on the inside, so but cutting, your pain is visible on the outside. I haven't cut for 7 days today.