hi y'all

i'm new to all this. i haven't really told many people about my SI. they don't seem to care. only one person has ever advised me to get help. i refuse to go to a hospital, so...since i spend hours online anyway, i thought i'd try an find a chat room or something. i don't have a T, like most of y'all do. don't expect i will. doesn't matter. well...that's me.

Hi. This place can be very helpful, and I hope that you find it so. Still, it doesn't take the place of therapy. You say that you won't go to a hospital and probably never will have a T. May I ask what your objections are? I can understand not wanting to be hospitalized, but that isn't probably necessary. I don't know all of your circumstances, but you can't be hospitalized against your will unless you are an imminent threat to yourself or others. From your post it sounds more like you just use SI as a way to cope. Hospitalization, in my opinion, is more likely to make that worse than better. But you are having so much difficulty coping with something that you resort to hurting yourself. You probably do need some help to deal with your feelings and learn some more effective coping mechanisms. That's what therapy is about, and is beyond the scope of what we can do for you here. All we can really offer is understanding and social support.

I hope that you will come back and get to know us, and tell us more about yourself as you feel ready.

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

hi. hmm...okay. about myself. i'm a sophmore, 15 years old and been SI-ing for 3 years now. i haven't been able to stop, and i've never really wanted to. i don't like talking to anyone about it because i've never really seen it being a problem, even though i've gone to counselors about my friends that have done it. my mom has noticed cuts, but never suspected that i would SI. too much of a blind idiot, like other people. i would love help. really. the only reason why i still do SI is to get someone to say something for once. i just don't want to admit to all my friends that are still in school that i really do want to be helped. i love the habit, i just don't like what i go through before that makes me do it.

so what's the deal with the "triggers"? how does that all work. just wondering.

I know loser_child pretty well and I don't blame her for her SI. I know you've been through alot and just can't deal. I'm like the only one that truely cares for her. I used to cut a few months ago but I got help. I spent 10 days in a mental hospital and really got better. I started with the SI again a few weeks after I got out, turns out I like pain and enjoy the taste of my own blood. I know it's wierd so I stopped. Now I'm trying to help loser_child with her SI. I love you Kayleigh. Please stop, for me.

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uhh...yeah...thanks. umm...i'm good. yeah. nice personal story. cry me a river. nvm. ha ha ha. jk. anyway...i'm good. and stoping with the SI, i think i'll pass for the time being.

I'm gonna keep trying to get you to stop. I won't give up on you.

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nah

Thanks for the response.

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Hello and Welcome to our little forum, Kayleigh. I am glad you found us and look forward to getting to know you better. Something you said struck me as something most of us have said early in our recovery. I used to believe that SI wasn't a problem. It made things better quickly. Helped me to cope and keep life running along and kept me so that I could fullfill all my obligations. It was a tool. Unfortunately, it isn't so benign. It is like alcohol. It can take away the pain for awhile but nothing ever gets taken care of and so the pain just remains hidden under the scars, festering and growing bigger. I have used Self injury since I was twelve. I am 36 now. I have come to realize that it is important to face the pain and not cover it up with SI. It is hard to do. It is hard to let go of this habit because it works, and it works quickly. But things just don't get better. I hope you will be able to find someone you can talk to, a school counsoler or a therapist. There is a good book that I have read that has some ideas for dealing with this, Secret Scars.
Oh no! I am going to be late to work. Gotta go,
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft