I relapsed

Well I was free of self harm for about nine months. But today I cut. And I know that this one cut will turn into more. I am still not sure why I cut. But now I have to deal with it. I know I should not try to lie about it, but I am. I just don't see why I should put myself through another hospitalization when I am not suicidal, and I am hardly even depressed. I just don't see it, and I don't want my team to talk at me about it, or changing my meds when they are working better than they ever have.

Hi jman,

Firstly, major kudos on the nine months SI free!!!!
And that shows you have A LOT of strength in the path moving on from here, and you've already got something that could really work for you on the road ahead.

And respect that you're recognising the potential impact the first cut can have on you personally, and you're reaching out so soon.

So, I'd say that you're absolutely right, in that lying about it probably isn't going to be helpful
I'm sure you know how addictive SI can be, and the sooner you reach out for help the more advantage you may have in tackling it sooner.
As for potential hospitalisation or changing of meds.........then that doesn't necessarily have to be the next step
Hopefully most professionals would work with you on other strategies first e.g. learning to recognise triggers, recognising vulnerable times and learning/applying more coping skills..........meaning they should talk with you, not at you............

And for right now...........try not to set in your mind that this is the inevitable start of major cutting, it might not be at all easy, but you have managed to stop before, you can do this
So, as hard as I know it can be, a little more focus on the fight to get back to where you were as well, hey??
Maybe you could pull on things that helped in the past, or try/experiment with different coping strategies, or go more into what could be triggers, or what the cutting is giving you which could to a point be replaced by more "healthy" alternatives............and maybe you can pull on us for some extra support with this...........??

We know it's not at all easy, and it doesn't make you weak that you've slipped..........but just remember that strength, and try and let it help in finding a way to move on from this. You can do it!!!



Alison

Hi jman,

Kudos for the nine months!

You sound very disappointed in yourself for relapsing. I know in some way SI is a choice, but sometimes choosing not to can be overwhelmingly difficult.
When we have developed the habit of using SI as a coping strategy, relapse is understandable and we need to be gentle with ourselves.
Punishing ourselves seldom helps.

You're wise to acknowledge the risk that you will cut again, the second injury is always extra hard to resist. I know that after 9 months abstinence you have the strength to get up again after this 'fall'.

I agree too that honesty is he best policy. If you show you're taking responsibility for your health and your behaviour then it is much less likely that they will think you need hospital and much more likely that they will listen to what you think might help you.

Maybe writing down what you think and showing them (or even a copy of this post) would help you get your feelings across before they talk at you.

I'm sorry you're struggling in this way. I really, truly hope that you will be heard and you are comfortable with any decision made and that you are part of that decision.