HELP ME!!!!!!

i just called my boss to tell her i do need the rest of the week off....i told her that i was meeting with a psychologist thursday and i would let her know by friday if i'd need more time and if i'd need to take short-term disability....she confirmed with me that i would call her friday and let her know if i needed the next week off....AND then she said i just need you to understand we can't hold that position for an extended period of time....SO WHY DID SHE BRING UP SHORT TERM DISABILITY TO ME YESTERDAY!!!!!! what is she trying to say that if i opt to take short term dis that i'll lose my job?

on top of that early this morning when (since i didn't sleep at all) i hurt myself ...i'd been trying to take it easy on myself down there but i was so tired and worried over work that i pushed more....then i did more in the shower to hurt myself there... <font color="red">i want to go to the doctor this morning for a pelvic exam but i'm scared!!!!!!!!! </font>

i'm so unhappy right now!!

Please get the medical attention you need. Maybe you can move your T appointment earlier as an emergency appointment. You need to make yourself safe. Please take care.

BB

please please please get yourself to the emergency room.
You need someone to help you through this.
I too have mutilated parts of my anatomy in the past and i know its a really hard subject to talk about, but you need to get help stopping this before you do some serious and permanent damage.
I agree that its a good idea for you to call your T for an emergency appointment.
As for your job, its not worth risking your safety for. It really isn't.
My thoughts are with you.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
silentlyscreaming said:
please please please get yourself to the emergency room.
You need someone to help you through this.

I agree that its a good idea for you to call your T for an emergency appointment.
As for your job, its not worth risking your safety for. It really isn't.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I agree

i did it!!!! i did it!!!!

& I would NOT have done it without EVERYONE's support and encouragement!!!!!!! i <font color="blue"> THANK YOU so much from the bottom of my heart!!!!! </font>

i'm happy to report that i have not done any serious damage!! i do however have a WICKED UTI! this may have accounted for some of the pain i've been experiencing.

because of YOU all i went to the doctor and found out about the UTI! i would NOT have gone without your support even though i was in pain - because i thought it was because of the SI....the doc said the bad stuff in my urine sample was "to numerous to count" ....lots of ickiness...but it could've gotten sooooo much worse!!!

you'll have to bare with me and my story....but i'm so happy with myself!! i feel like a toddler that just used the potty on her own for the first time!!!

scared stiff, i went to the docs this morning and said i needed a pelvic exam. when i was talking to the doc she asked if it hurt when i peed...she thought i might have a UTI...which i do...then she said we don't need to do a pelvic...BUT - yeah me!!! scared to death and literally trembling <font color="blue"> i said there's something i have to tell you </font> & i told her and she was very understanding!!! she did an exam and took a sample to make sure no infection...i'm OK!!!

it stings like the dickens down there - but i'm going to be OK!!! i'm stressed about work - but i know that will all work out for the best and i'm worried about my T appt thurs - but if i can do what i did today i think i can manage to make it through that appt as well!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU


i LOVE you all very much

(((((((((gostryter))))))))))))

that took a lot of courage! Good job. I still say maybe you can see about moving up your T appointment but that is your decision. My sympathies about the UTI, they're not fun at all (i've had a few, unfortunately)

Yay for you!

(((((hugs all)))))

well i'm still really proud of myself for what i was able to accomplish this morning...

...but i'm a little bummed....i did it again....don't you just want to smack me!!!!! i do! geez....held out for 2 hours & 15 minutes!

i don't want to call for an emergency session with the T because i've never even met him! thursday is a first appt. i may get in a room with him and not be able to stand him! besides its just two days....i'll live

(((((gostryter)))))

congratulations!!!! Im so proud of you for going to the doc and glad there is no serious damage....except the yucky UTI.
I just read yr last post and I have a question, you said this thursday is yr 1st T appt. Are you going to fel comfortable enough to disclose what you've been doing to this man??
The only reason I ask this is because I really do believe that you need serious help with this and that you need it now!!!! It really needs to stop.

((((((((((((((((( gostryter )))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Just checking in for a sec. Glad you did what you did and found what you found, now hopefully things will get better.

Dont worry about bosses and HR (Human Resource) people, worry about yourself. Most of the time, while bosses and HR do care for you, of course, they worry about their jobs and their businesses, which is understandable, but at the same time, there surely has to be a nicer way to talk to people, especially in times of stress like you are experiencing.

Best wishes!

<font color="#000088">I'm glad that you had no permanent damage! UTI's do suck pretty bad though, but it will pass, that's the good part about a UTI! But if you continue to do the self-harming, you could cause permanent damage in the future. So it is really important that you get the help that you need for it. I know trust is an issue with new Therapists, but when you're life is on the line, I think you really should say something. It took a lot of courage to tell your Doctor about it, and it turned out okay. The Doctor didn't freak out on you or anything. Take that same courage with you to your Therapy appointment, and take a chance, you never know, it might actually help you more than you realize it could!
J</font>

feeling kinda bad right now...i felt so good after my T appt and i was so happy that i like him

today i called my boss and left her a message (thankfully she didn't answer) telling her i've decided to go on short term disability

i sat holding the phone before making the call and actually said out loud - she can not hurt me

after the call - even though all i did was leave a message - i was shaky

why do i let people hurt me so deeply...

plus - having made that call i guess also signifies that a decision has been made...there's no turning back....i decided to be in therapy and i've decided to be on disability and i've decided to give up the job i have (because my boss won't hold it)....

i just feel like i've lost so much...again to my craziness...it hurts so much!!! i'm so sad right now...i guess, at least for the moment, i should be happy that i'm crying and not cutting...though i'm sure i'll do that and more before the day is over....

i don't like feeling

hey, girl.......hold on there.......we are here and you can talk to us about anything. just take it one minute at a time.......try it..............xoxoxo pat

(((( gostryter )))))
you give so much good advice...you should listen to your own, please dont hurt yourself, you know it will only make things worse in the end. talk things out with us or a loved one. please be safe and feel better...you are who you are that by its self should make you smile because you are a great person!
take care