I don't know what else to do.

Hey. I don't really know you guys but I'm posting here because I don't know what else to do. Except, what the topic of the forum is here.
I did SI stuff for a few years, years ago, and quit. I've had the feeling here and there since then, but I've avoided it. Within the past year I started counseling and discussed it a few times but never wanted to. I also went back to school (university). I even quit smoking cigarettes a month and 2 days ago! It was a nasty habit I'd picked up out of stress and social situations. I was making excellent progress, if I may say so myself!
I've had a bad week though, and I can't think of anything else to do. It started when my friend (and I really had only this one good friend) and I got into an argument. My mother had surgery last week and I've been helping her. It's time to sign up for next semester's classes and the class my current teacher is teaching is full. I had counseling today and I didn't see it coming but in the middle of discussing family stuff I made a really painful realization. I've also just felt kinda physically blah this past week. I've been trying to talk to my friend, but she just said earlier tonight she needs to take some time. Which means...."don't talk to me."
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have anyone to talk to, all the progress I'd made seems like it's slipping away. I also feel like I don't have anything to do to cope. SI always helped for the moment. Honestly right now, the moment is all I can deal with.
I hate to do this....hey people that don't know me, please listen to and support me! I know you guys will understand though and keeping my fingers busy prevents me from SI. So, thanks for listening if you've read this far.

Christina

I love it that we have the same name!

((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))))

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I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have anyone to talk to, all the progress I'd made seems like it's slipping away. I also feel like I don't have anything to do to cope. SI always helped for the moment. Honestly right now, the moment is all I can deal with.

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I can relate to that, a whole lot. I'm sorry about the painful realization in therapy, it has a habit of bringing up all sorts of things at times when we've already got so much to handle.

Congratulations on being able to quit smoking for so long! I'm majorly impressed. Also good job with not SIng, because a "few years" sounds like an impressive achievement to me!

Wish I knew how to help you out, but all I can say is keep holding on and reaching out to people here. You can do it, you're strong and brilliant (because university isn't easy, I know that because I'm in university too!) and tomorrow can always get better, even though that sounds corny.

If I can help out or listen, please feel free to send me a PM!

Take care of yourself, you are important.

((((((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) What accomplishments; quitting smoking and not using SI for years! Counseling can bring up stuff that make it hard to cope. Can you think of how you have been doing it over the last few years?

I am sorry about your friend and your mother recovering. That is a lot to handle. Know that I am here and listening. Keep posting if it helps.

BB

Wow ... it feels as though I could have written that exact same post myself.
(((((((((((((Christina))))))))))) I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing right now.
Can i just say that I also quit smoking a month ago (stress, anxiety, etc), and that when i get in fights with my roommate (only really close friend here) it can get me so down. University stress can be so hard (i'm also in Uni), esp on top of everything else going on. I'm also sorry about things with your mom .. i can only imagine that adding so much stress and pain.
What to do about SI.... well first off, hold on to the fact that you were able to stop before. That in itself is a HUGE accomplishment. Try and keep yourself busy - whether that be with school work, friends, exercise, art, music, reading, whatever it is you like to do. I'm a pretty big hypocrite saying all that .. but like many others here, i'm doing my best. Focusing on my breathing helps a lot too. I find when the urge to SI is the strongest my breathing speeds up and i experience anxiety... breathing is definitely one strategy that can "bring me back" so to speak.
Keep posting on here too though ... there are lots of great people who want to help, and are here for support.
Take care of yourself
Jacq

Thanks so much. I kinda made this a general reply-to-everyone who replied-to-me. Hope that's all right.
I feel better than I did last night...which kinda isn't saying much. But it's an improvement that I feel like I can get through the night. I honestly did not know how I was going to get through last night without doing anything dumb.
But here I am, and I didn't do anything dumb. Well, I did kinda throw something at the wall and made a couple chips in it. Oops. I'll just tell landlord I was moving something. *Shrugs*
I often feel like I don't deserve good attention. Thanks for proving me wrong.

Congratulations on not doing anything dumb! You deserve good attention, and I firmly believe that we need to get attention for the things that we do that are positive, and we need more praise than correction, but we (especially us who are here) are so hard on ourselves. We need to recognize the good things. I hope you will post a little more so that we can get to know you a little better.

TC,
Rap

((((((((christina))))))))

thats fantastic! keep posting, pc is always here if you're feeling vulnerable, need a distraction, or support.

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