New approach?

I've been self harming for quite some time now. It's not severe like I think about doing it every second of the day, but only when my bad side comes out and I flip out and have my 'episodes' and I can't help doing it.
If I have a really bad episode and do end up self harming, I usually 'black out' and cant control or even have feelings for my actions until I either draw too much blood, or wake up the next morning and think "what the hell have I done??!"

Anyhow, I have found out now that when I do feel an episode coming on, instead of flipping out at myself and doing that, Once or twice I have thought to myself "Right, I'm going to hurt myself anyway because I cant control it, so I might aswell just take a deep breath and do it in a 'controlled' way..." And then its all over and done with.

Do you think this is a better approach to it? By just doing it before I have a full blown attack? I kind of feel more powerful and in control of it by doing this because I know what I'm doing, but at the end of the day I'm still self-harming under my terms, like Im choosing to do it in a way instead of losing control and letting it take over ME.

let me know what you all think please x baby g x

ok... here goes my opinion take it for what is worth...cuz i just blew 2.5 months without si...
si is si... is there something else you can do to relieve the urges before? like running on a treadmill... walking barefoot outside (not in freezing) things to get grounded before you cut and don't have an episode?
lyn

Too be honest I dont think I have the strength right now to try and override the feelings that take over. It always seems like I HAVE to punish myself, and just exercising ect ect isnt enough, so it always results in self injury.

I had an episode the other night and my arm is in bandages. I had to tell my boyfriend about it the other night and it was so hard, but I felt the need to tell him because it's happened twice since I have been with him and I know that if I didnt he'd start noticing.
He was supportive and asked me today that whenever I felt the urge to do It I should think of him and try to stop it, so thats something brand new I can concentrate on. But at the moment I feel weak and just know that no matter what I do to try and distract myself from it, it will end in punishing myself in some way

Ultimately, it's whatever works for you. I know that sort of thing works for some people... for me, I just had to quit cold turkey. Otherwise I'd continue doing it.

It's an interesting approach ... if it works for you, that's good to hear. Are you trying to (ultimately) quite SIng by finding an alternative method to deal with things or do you just see yourself doing this in the future? (Just a question, and I apologize if it sounds rude - I dont intend it to be)

Do you have a therapist or someone to talk to or have you read the list of things to do instead of SIng? (posted in the main list)

Hugs and take care of yourself!

yeah, i think that ... well, both. at the end of the day, it is still SI. *but* if taking control and harming in a "safer" way (if there is such thing) will keep you from severe harm, then that is what is for now. None of us can make that choice for you tho - as i'm sure you know. i have had some moments like that and did injure so as to get it over with and not injure worse... but it seems like at some point it was just an excuse and i did injure worse anyway.
i know it was asked - do you have a t? can you call t before when you know it's gonna happen? can you go to the er and tell them you're gonna injure? (i haven't been able to do that one, even tho t suggested it to me).
best to you!

i honestly dont know... talk to ur therapist? (if u have one). i usually have broken one word thoughts just jumbled together when i flip out. so far no blackouts. i think like gotta kill gotta going crazy. stuff like that.

Wish I could talk to my therapist!

Used to have councelling but I stopped because I was in a new relationship and I was happy at the time, but now I need to go back I dont even have the confidence! AND just found out theres a three month waiting list, which sucks. Grr

xxx

does your old t have an answering machine you can leave a message on?... maybe if you talk to them they can get you in before the 3 months or help you get in a support group until ... when i knew i had to go back ... i left a message at 2'oclock in the morning... so i wouldn't chicken out... lyn

I suppose I could try and talk to my old t but I always felt like she didnt understand me as much as she could have done
xxx

yeah that wouldn't work to well... maybe call the new one and ask if they know of any support groups until you can get an appointment... i know how hard it is to have to wait when your not in an ok place... lyn