paying attention

Soooooooooooo i'm sitting here noticing that i am itching with wanting something to do... and my brain selected cutting. Why would it do that just for something to do?
I am working at paying attention - i did all the homework i can stand, i read books, i played in here online, did other tests, did more homework.... and there is still this void that NEEDS to be filled that is making me anxious. so my brain suggested cutting the palm. This hasn't happened yet - i am trying to figure out why this came up. does anyone else experience this or something similar?
still holding out... trying to fill the void... painting my nails now....

yah it happens to me i jus wanna cut myself n see how much ill bleed n ill jus cut for no reason idk n its weird cuz ppl think u hav to be mad or somethins wrong jus to cut but yah hav da same feelings.

Hey Kiya. I fight that urge all the time. In fact, any time I have downtime these days. Sounds like you are doing a great job fighting the urge though! Keep it up!

Sending positive vibes your way.

Stay safe, KD

kiya... i am glad you have been able to fight off the urges so far... stay safe...lyn

Thanks all - yes got through tonight. I just thought it was odd that it felt for no reason that the urge was there. I've made a new pact with myself... that when the urge comes up, before i cut, i will call t. guess i ought to tell t, eh? lol. i think that is what she's trying to get me to do - little slow sometimes, i guess. I usually tell her *after* i did it. Maybe - because I REALLY don't want to call her - it will keep me from doing it...?

It sounds like a good plan to call t if you feel you are going to cut. I am sure she would rather have you call than act on it.

BB

Hey buddy
Hope you are doing ok. I do have urges out of boredom too and I think its the addiction to cutting that rears its ugly head. God knows yesterday it was looking pretty good to me too. But I didn't thanks to my friends here
Colleen
Ps. Hugs to you

Oh thanks, BB, for reminding me that I still need to tell t of my pact. *sigh*.

Thanks colleen =)

(((((((((((((((((( Hugs back to both of you ))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((Kiya))))))))))) Oh yeah, totally understand that. If I get bored, or feel ANYTHING I cant seem to deal with, that's about the first thought to pop into my head... and I dont even need to be in a crappy mood.

Stay safe.

thanks - my t is also taking this more seriously than other t's before her. she wants me to call before i act on the urge... tho now that i think about it, so did my first one, and when i did call her i felt *soooo totally beyond stupid*. SHe was like "can i tell you something funny?" Ummmm... i never called again.

kiya your at a different place in your walk... and your on the walk with a different t.... i think if my t made light of what i was experiencing... and tried to "lighten" the mood with something funny... i wouldn't have called again either... lyn

soooooooooooo i guess that takes away the escape hatch of not calling t when the urges surface.
It is interesting - she was so very serious about my fnding other means to cope. and yet, she nudged a book with her toe called "Cutting" and laughed about how many pages it took to exlain why ppl cut. Then said something like "I'm laughing, making a joke about it, but..." and i really didn't get the jist of what she was saying. Maybe trying to meet me where i was (the court jester about myself) but still get across to me that she means business.
I made the pact. next urge, i'll call her. kiya