Was Doing So Well

Mary Alice,

I want to second what Erin said. Didn't you read the DBT book? I got that book and read it too because you asked me to. DBT isn't the only way to deal with your difficulties, but it sounds like a good program to me. What did you think of the book? I didn't have time to get all the way through it before I had to turn it back in (interlibrary loan), but I thought there was a lot of good stuff in there. If you think that DBT could help you, and apparently your T thinks it can, then what is your objection to following his advice and doing the whole program, including the groups?

If you disagree with DBT, then I recommend finding a different T who is prepared to use a different approach. An alternative would be to find someone who specializes in trauma and can treat you from that perspective. Whichever you decide, I do hope you talk it out with your T. The things that he is requiring of you are for a reason and are what he believes are in your best interest. He may or may not be right, but both of you deserve the opportunity to discuss it and to discuss possible alternatives if this isn't the method for you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

I think both Rap and Erin make great points.

It seems to me like the central problem with the T and the group and all this is really about the relationship with the T, though, more than it is about the group. (Correct me if I'm wrong, Mary Alice).

Mary Alice seems to be struggling with the fact that her T is forcing her to "go to this group OR ELSE"... kinda thing. My prediction would be that she might be a little more comfortable with the idea, and more "co-operative" if she felt like she and her T were working TOGETHER to help her, rather than feeling like she is being, in effect, treated like a child who cannot make appropriate choices of her own. Her T did not present the ups and downs of DBT therapy and then give her a choice. He told her she has to go. Period.

The overall tone of your posts, Mary Alice, makes it sound like the central issues are of trust, therapeutic rapport, having a co-operative working relationship with your T, etc. I get the impression that those are the biggest concerns for you. Tell me if I'm wrong.

(((hugs)))
Angela

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

{{{{{{{{{{Angela}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You hit the nail on the head, exactly. No, I have no wish to go to this group thing; however, if he had asked me to try it, I would have agreed.

It is the force issue.......and the wondering if everytime he wants me to do something, he will phrase it the same way - do it or no more therapy.

I don't like being forced into anything. I have never denied my T anything that he has asked of me. All my life I have done things for others so that I am accepted, etc. I never thought I would have to do that with him.

He knows me better than my own parents do, and that scares me.

Thank you.........

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard

{{{{{{{{Erin}}}}}}}}}}}}

I never mind your input. I respect your opinion as well.

Yes my T knows me very well. Last time he tried this same group thing and I refused. It's not the clinic's idea, it is all his. He seems to think that it will help me learn new methods of coping which would leave "us" free to persue different avenues in our therapy sessions.

If I have to go, I have no intention of discussing my life in front of strangers. I know that my surface mask will appear and I will just listen to everyone else. Privacy was ingrained in me from childhood by my parents - you never, ever, talk about things outside the house. It took my T over a year before I would tell him much about anything.

Btw, thanks for your caring and support. xoxoxo

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard

Yes Wendy, I read the entire book. I've never agreed with DBT - I got the book because I knew that my T was using it and I wanted to know what he was doing.

I dislike the exercises and the idea of "mindfulness" is not something I think I can achieve. I do know that it is very popular and alot of Ts use this approach.

Part of my "rules" is to do my homework exercises that he gives me and practice them........[sigh]

He does believe that it will help me, but it is also the approach he uses with all his clients.

I did tell him last week that if he is such a follower of her book, it is totally against the rules to just abandon a client - you are supposed to stay in touch at least once a week. His response was that he had to follow the hospital/clinic guidelines.

I think the biggest reason I am going is because he does know me so well, we have 3 years between us, and I'm alive because of him...........he thought that last part was no big deal - "you were alive when we started, and you still are".

I just want things the way they used to be, not with this wall between us, this distant formality.


Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard

Hi Mary Alice,

I hear you - I get that you don't like the idea that you would need to attend this group if you want to keep working with your therapist. I understand this. I still think there could be value and benefits in the group if you are willing to give it a chance. I know lots of people who've derived positive value from DBT therapy/classes. I guess I just wonder if it might be worth giving it a chance to see how it might go - just trying to go with an open mind, and giving yourself the option to participate. Okay, maybe you might like to listen at first but maybe try to participate later on, after a couple of sessions. Try to get the most out of it that you can.

The times you've talked about self-injury here, it sounds to me like it is a very hard thing for you. I know it is for me. And even when it provides some sort of comfort or release, I find it very scary, and I wish I could learn to stop it and find other ways of dealing with things. Well, DBT is one way that a lot of people have successfully found a way to stop self-injury and find different coping methods. So I guess I find myself wondering if it might be worth giving it a try, hard as it might be?

And I also wonder if it might be worth talking with your therapist more about the feelings you are having about him, and the various things which have transpired...I am wondering if you are feeling angry with him and that is part of the problem, too?

I am doing better with self-injury, working hard with my counselor, but it is still a struggle sometimes. It takes a lot of work and doing things I don't want to do sometimes, I have to admit. But I keep in mind the goal that I want to get better and stop feeling scared like this, and stop self-injuring, etc. And I keep working.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you, Mary Alice. And I send you good wishes and my support.

Take care,
ErinBear

{{{{Erin}}}}}}}}

Yes, I will go because he is insisting on it. I will listen and watch the others - hear how they deal with things, etc.

SI does indeed scare me. I can't believe the things that I do to myself. My right arm is all burned now from cigs. I just take them and singe my skin. I get so focused on it that I just keep going. One section is really bad and my T will see it Wed......if he asks, I have to tell him the truth. I've never lied to him in 3 years, I simply can't.

I am furious with him, not just angry. It makes me want to snap at him and demand an apology for hurting me the way that he has - but I can't. Before I would have, but now there is a barrier so I just keep my mouth shut.

Thanks for everything, Erin. You take care as well.


Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard