[Jully]

When your T discusses SI in session, what does he or she refer to it as? T always refers to "cutting" or "cutters." I find this bothersome for some reason...

Maybe it is just a label I don't want (but deserve.) Or maybe it is just a combination of that and the fact that T doesn't seem too concerned about the "cutting." I don't know. I mean, we have discussed that my behavior doesn't stop with cutting, but also includes taking an excess of medication and (failed) attempts to break bones, among other things.

Tell your T it bothers you.

My T follows my lead. For a very long time I could not say the word 'cut.' I simple called it a 'stupid thing.' I did a 'stupid thing' I would say. So he respected my decision and called it a 'stupid thing' along with me. Finally I was ready to say 'cut' so we now refer to it as that. I have never referred to myself as a 'cutter' and he would never, either. I hate that word. It makes it sounds like it's your %#@&#! job or something.

Perhaps talk to your T about this. You should be able to feel comfortable.

[sujunew]

I refer to it as hurting myself, so now my t will ask if I have hurt myself lately. My nurse asks straight out if I have self harmed, or if I have been cutting. I like to distance myself a bit from it (I think partly from denial, or shame???) though which is why I say 'hurting myself' rather than being any more specific.

[bchlyn]

my t is pretty direct... i say hurting myself... he uses cutting... i don't remember him labeling me as a cutter... when he asked me to tell him my ritual ... that really set me off... lyn

[Kiya]

maybe because the word triggers you? it triggers me a lot. yeah, tell t it bugs you .

i've noticed that many ts do not discuss SI. I don't know why - if it bugs them, or they think talking about it makes it ok to do more? Tonight my t actually talked about it and i was shocked into silence.

[Jully]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I hate to tell T yet another thing that bothers me. I should just make a list of "do's and don'ts" for sessions - talk about client-directed therapy. I am such a difficult, hopelessly pathetic case it's a wonder we're not both crazy.

Ugh, having one of those "I suck" days. I'm sorry - I know it has carried over into this post.

[Kiya]

lol - i actually *did* bring in a list of do's and don'ts because my first few sessions with her were pretty triggering. SHe was even grateful - called them instructions, even though I kept saying suggestions or requests.
She's been real good at following them, too. =)
Kiya

[bchlyn]

kiya...i think he was trying to get me to respond strongly... i was in a really bad cycle... guess it was his way of shaking me...it worked... i did figure out that he wasn't just talking about outward ritual...but he was trying to get me to see what my inward _______ is...that was the first time i got really angry at him...lyn

[bchlyn]

jully... my t asks me every so often... what he can do to help me feel safe... and he wants me to let him know if he triggers me...lyn

[Christina86]

Its been referred to as SI, self-injury, cutting, self-harm... all by my different Ts, at different times. It does kinda bother me with the term "cutter" though, since that isnt my primary form of self-injury.

[sujunew]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kiya said:
i've noticed that many ts do not discuss SI. I don't know why - if it bugs them, or they think talking about it makes it ok to do more?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I know that here, besides making sure that you are safe and do not need medical care, SI is mostly 'ignored'. I think that this is to put the onus onto yourself, and so that you are not gaining any attention from it (ignore the fact that in 99% of cases ppl who SI go to great lengths to hide it, not flaunt it!). Also, too many t's have no understanding about SI at all, and are afraid to talk about it. My t has asked me 'in depth' questions about it a couple of times, to give her a bit more understanding from my POV...

[Jully]

I understand the logic behind Ts (and others) not making a big deal out of SI because they don't want to encourage the behavior by giving it attention (even though most don't do it for attention, as was previously stated.) I think this approach can backfire sometimes, though. I know personally I just want to feel that I am worth T caring that I do this, caring that I hurt my body to quiet my mind. I know T does care, but if that was expressed, I think it would do so much to help me. As in, "It hurts me that you are hurting this badly. Know that I care even during the times when you don't."

[bchlyn]

i know it worries my t when he points out that i am doing well... the other night he said "at the risk of causing you to self sabotage"...lol...me? "you have only cut one time since december 8th"... he always tells me to look at my successes rather then focusing on my cutting... he does however address it... every week... and the care and hurt in his eyes when i cut really surprises me... i asked him to hold me accountable... and he takes that very seriously... lyn

[Kiya]

lyn - same here with the care and hurt in my t's eyes when i tell her i cut. she told me she's holding me accountable in the relationship to reach out when things are bad and also to tell her in session. feels like a lot of pressure - not bad pressure... just really uncertain that i can hold it.

[bipolar_bear]

My t is there when I do to help me through everything and to help rejoice when I don't. It is nice to know she is there either way for me.

BB

[bchlyn]

jully i don't cut for attention either... and my t knows that... i think that if you talk to your t... and let him/her know what you need ... i realized last week that he is concerned that i will self sabotage when he points out my successes... he said something about it when he pointed out that i had only cut 1 time since the beginning of december... i have noticed that when he points out my cycle... i get angry...he is usually right... grrrrrrr.... if he just ignored it all... i don't think that would work for me... it's kind of like sweeping the dirt under the rug ... you know?

kiya in the beginning he left it to me to tell him... but when i cut it's really hard for me to admit it out loud.... so i would get to the end of the session and not tell him... or would blurt it out on the way out ... so now he just takes my chart from me in the beginning... sometimes i ask if we can talk about it at the end.

lyn

[Jully]

I can't state my needs. I want to, but after gowing up being afraid to, I have problems doing it now even when I know I am safe.

[bchlyn]

it's really hard for me too... and he has come to understand that about me... i journal (or use too) and give it to him to read... it takes some of the fear away...lyn

[splitimage]

I'm really lucky both my T and my pdoc are very well educated about self - injury and don't treat it as a big deal. They both simply see it as another of my maladaptive coping mechanisms. I feel totally comfortable saying that I'm having a lot of urges to cut with them and then talking about the feelings associated with it.

Biut I'm very oppen about my history of cutting and that's occassionally caused some awkwardness when I've been in treatment centre's for my alcoholism. I've had staff totally over react.

When I'm talking about self harm in any of my therapy groups or at AA I usually use the term self-injury. I know it sometimes makes the other people in the group uncomfortable, but I'm not prepared to hide what was once a big part of my life.

I think the reason a lot of T's don't deal well with talking about self injury is that they haven't been properly trained to deal with it.

For the record I hate the term "cutter" too. To me it's defining a person by only one aspect of their behaviour, and because it's too narrow a definitiion of self injury.

---splitimage

[Rapunzel]

I usually refer to it as self-injury or self-injurious behavior when talking about it like in class or referring to my clients (who are developmentally disabled and for them it's usually not cutting but other behaviors, many of which I have also done). I'm ok with saying "cutting" if that's the specific behavior. Labeling anyone as "a cutter" sounds derogatory to me though. I had a boss at a residential treatment center who referred to some of the girls as cutters and said it with such loathing in her voice. That was inappropriate.

My T will also follow my lead on terminology most of the time. But we don't often talk about cutting, specifically. We're more likely to talk about "self-destructive behavior" which includes much more. It's not necessarily physical harm. We don't normally talk about the actual physical acts of self-injury. I have started to describe that to her in some detail, and she redirects the conversation. When I wanted to give detail I was trying indirectly to describe the intensity of my feelings, but I wasn't actually talking about feelings.

How you feel and why you choose desctructive coping methods and what you need to be able to get more out of life are a lot more important issues to address than specific details of what you might have done to yourself.

Rap

[Kiya]

"How you feel and why you choose desctructive coping methods and what you need to be able to get more out of life are a lot more important issues to address than specific details of what you might have done to yourself."

...and for some reason, so much more difficult to define.

[Rapunzel]

Very true, Kiya. It's hard. I've been saying "it's hard" a lot lately. I even used that as a subject line for a thread. It is hard.

[bchlyn]

sometime too hard