Picked my dog up from the vets

It is odd having my dog in a box and not having to roll down the window when I stopped at the grocery store. To be able to carry him when I haven't been able to carry him since he was a puppy. I know it isn't him, just a bunch of ashes but...it is all that is left. I cut. I think I am depressed. I am having difficulties sleeping. I don't feel I belong anymore. My husband is worried. I feel guilty about that. He said to me he just wants me to sleep and to be happy again. I can't. I don't want, I don't need, I feel myself draining away, my energy sucked away. Perhaps when I finish laying my dog to rest I will get better.
Carrie

(((((((((((((((Carrie)))))))))))))))

When I read your post I felt tears come to my eyes. Do you think you can get another dog when you are ready? It has always helped me when my dogs have past. I have a golden retrevier which I love so very much.
Hang in there, and keep posting.

Take care,
Leslie

Zen, I am so sorry to hear this, my heart goes out to you.
Cutting, is not what your beloved pet would want to know you turned to, our pets will love us forever I believe as we love them forever. I now have another dog, it breaks my heart watching my older one getting old but sadly that is part of the life cycle, the best we can do is embrace the living days and fondly remember those that make the past. I saw a little plaque I bought that is so true:
"dogs leave pawprints on our hearts"
Try to hang in there, I know it is really tough, been there so many times with our family dogs.
I am sending you mucho ((((((((((( Zen )))))))))))))

Love,
DE

{{{{{{{{{{{{Carrie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

That is hard. I understand cutting in order to deal with it. I cut when I am hurt or scared or mad or pretty much any intense feeling that I don't know what else to do with. Having my husband worried about me because he thinks I am going to cut also makes me want to cut. Please try not to feel guilty about it. Maybe you are depressed, and maybe you are going through a normal grieving process. Either way, your T can help you through it, and so can reaching out to friends. I think that getting some closure about losing your dog will make a difference. Anybody would have a hard time with that. Don't be hard on yourself, and don't forget that you have friends who care about you and will do what we can to help.

Sending supportive thoughts and good feelings your direction,
Wendy

{{{{{{{{{Carrie}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry for your pain and grief. I can only imagine how this is affecting you. Please don't withdraw from everyone here, we all care about you and want you feel safe and secure in your home game.

Make sure that you allow your grief to come out. Take care of you.

xxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

I took my advice that I gave to someone else today and called my T. Then I had to go to work but she left a nice message on the recorder for me. I had to sift through 27 messages to get to it. Sigh. But I knew it would be there.

Work was strange. I don't belong there...well not in the employee area. My space is out on the sales floor away from my co-workers. They have massed in back, their movements and the disorder overwhelm me. Today I stayed away from that as much as possible. I put order into my books and made signs for my shelves. I almost finished half the book section today. I couldn't tell anyone about picking my dog up...not until the end of my shift. This older woman came in to look at our dried herbs. I helped her a lot. Her feet hurt so I had her sit on a bench by the herbs while I got the stuff she wanted to buy measured and rung out. She decided to stay awhile longer, I told her to relax as long as she wanted too and if she needed anything to let me know. About an hour later she came up to the counter with a couple of more herbs. I was making more signs. I stopped and washed my hands then a person handed me the bathroom key and I washed my hands again. I told her I couldn't stand the keys. I measured her herbs for her and started talking with her and next thing I know I am telling her about Golly. I have never seen this woman before. She offers me some comfort she has mixed in a bottle. It is salt and someother things. She keeps it hidden while the others walk by then pours a little in my hands. I felt tingling up and down my arms. It was tangible evidence that she truely cared about the pain I was going through. Then the phone rang and I had to answer it and I couldn't give her a proper goodbye. I wished I could have thanked her for what she gave me in that moment. She gave me something that I could ask the people who are close to me for. I wish I could understand this but I can't.
Carrie

This was a special moment, I feel, and I myself can't tell you inside what I felt as I read this, but just know she knew your graciousness for that special moment.
I am very sure she knew more about you and your sufferings, I have met strangers (not many) that just had this special sense, words cannot explain, but after they went on their way they left us with something special. . .hope? I'll never know. . .
Love to you Zen

(((((((((((( Zen, special soul ))))))))


DE

Oh my gosh, Carrie... (((hugs))) So, so sorry about your dog. Are you going to have a service or ceremony or ritual or anything, to honor him and help you release him?

I know these words are little comfort, but he's much healthier and happier now. And I'm sure wherever he is, he isn't far away from you in spirit.

Angela