[TaintedGoth1]

As you can see from my widget, I've cut today. Actually about half an hour ago. I've been working on a lot of issues lately and I think it just came to a halt when our neighbor called.

You see when I was 4 my neighbor's son (he's 6 years older than me) molested me. I believe it was just that curiosity thing. It was not violent or forced in any way at all. Up until I was 11 or so, I played baseball and hung out with this guy. But then I found out it was wrong so I started hating him. Why? Because that's what you're supposed to do when someone does something like that.

Now I just have come to the realization that I don't hate him...that I should quit hating him just because someone said I'm supposed to. So I've had a change of heart and have forgiven him...

Well I messaged him on Myspace just to say hi and that I was bored. Then his mom called today to talk to my dad but he wasn't home. She said she'd call tomorrow. So now I'm so scared...I'm afraid that maybe I did something really bad. But all I did was say hi...there's no harm in that, right?

I don't know what my neighbor's mom wanted...but I keep thinking it's about me...and just all this paranoia and frustration has me panicky and everything...so I cut. Not once...but 6 times.

I don't ever cut deep...just enough to feel it. Sometimes it doesn't even bleed...but I do it really slowly and perfectly straight. It's not about dying to me...but calming down...I just needed to calm down.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((TaintedGoth))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you have so many overwhelming thoughts and emotions. That is a very complex situation to work through. Maybe you can talk to your dad after he talks to your neighbor. Something such as what happens effects everyone and may be something that has to be worked out.

I am sorry that you could not find another way to cope but sometimes it just seems out of reach. I hope you are able to work through some of your feelings and find another way to cope. Please feel free to PM me if it will help.

BB

[Christina86]

(((((((((Rachel)))))))))))))) Breathe... in and out, deep breaths.

I'm sorry about things... I hope things work out ok. Send me a PM anytime, I'd love to hear from you.

Be safe.

[Typo]

((TaintedGoth)))
Wow that sounds like a very complicated situation. Don't let the parinoa win. I don't really know what to say..I haven't been great for advice these past few days but I am here for you and if you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.
Hugs and lots of hugs
Silver

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Rachel )))))))))))))))

[TaintedGoth1]

(((((bipolar bear)))))
(((((Christina)))))
(((((Silversparrow)))))
(((((Fuzzy)))))

Thanks for all the support.

I think a lot of things have been coming to a head lately. For a few days I've been feeling extremely frustrated, my dad giving me the silent treatment for 2 days, and then this paranoia and panic. My emotions just seem crazy lately.

I'm trying to be ok...it's just hard when you really don't have anyone to turn to. I mean I have you guys but sometimes you're too emotional to be online...you just have to go do something physical. I did go for a walk after I posted this...I went and got the mail. That's a 10 minute walk to the mailbox and back to the house. So the air did me good but it was chilly. So I think the crisp air and the exercise did me good...or maybe it was just the fact that I cut (cutting and getting out and doing something physical has the same effect on me--clears my head).