[Typo]

Nothing matters, I'm just so tired of it all, why do I even try?
I'm just so sick, sick of me, sick to my stomache, sick of the memories.
I'm tired of one moment feeling real and the next feeling like I don't exist at all.
I've always been able to dissociate, remove myself from me when I hurt to much or everything is to much, but now I've lost control of it.
I have this urge just walk up to people and ask if I'm really here or if everything around me is real or just made up in my head.
I think to much. I'm babbling I'm sorry just a rush of emotions from nowhere and stupid me going back and forth from feeling grounded to floating. I hate me, I hate me so much right now, I'm a liar, I'm fake, I hide to much, why can't I open up like all my friends? Why is it so damn hard for me to talk about my emotions or the accident?

I hate this so much, I keep screwing up, I'm sorry, I've started agian so now it is hard to stop again.
I need this, but I don't, when will stupid me ever learn?
I'm so stupid, so so stupid.

[Cthomas]

You are not stupid. WE are not stupid. just going through a rough time is all. have faith in yourself. At least you are not ME...LOL my life is so wicked right now.

You will be ok.....keep posting.

Safe hugs if wanted.

Colleen

[iamtwilight]

(((silversparrow)))

It is very scary to look at this, because it reminds me of myself so much ://

I'm going to say something that I always want someone to say to me when I feel down:

It's going to be alright.

I know it sounds cliche, but I don't mean to say that you should suppress your feelings and all that stupid crap that people say when they try to make you feel better, when in fact, they just make you feel worse.

Trauma is really difficult to work out on your own. And it takes so much time and so much patience, too. I should know, I still haven't had the courage to work on my trauma stuff. They say I can't, because I'll go into psychosis. But it's not true. I'm just putting it off.

I also relate to the unability to talk about emotions. For me, it's because I'm afraid my friends or anyone who is listening doesn't want to hear it. That it's too intense for them. That they will tell me that I am a freak, tell me to go away.

Anyway, enough about me.

You feel terrible now, but you know - you are reaching out here, and that is the smart thing to do. You are taking care of yourself. Please keep doing so, because you matter, and you are worthy.

There's always a new start. I told someone here (can't remember who) that it takes time to replace the old ways to relieve pain with new ways.

Wishing you everything good. :-)

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Silversparrow ))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

((((((((((((silversparrow)))))))))))))))

You are not stupid. Please be kind to yourself, because most of the stuff you hate about yourself are all lies in your head.

[Der_Sohn_des_Leides]

((((Silver))))

Please don't hate yourself, you're a kind, caring, compassionate, and friendly person. You don't deserve to be hurting like this.

And don't be so hard on yourself for falling back into familiar, comfortable, though dangerous patterns of SI. Progress isn't linear: it's up and down, forward and backward. I've made my fair share of mistakes in the past few days, too, so there's nothing to apologize for.

I have faith that you'll be able to get it back in control in due time, and that you'll get more grounded with time and effort.

Take care and stay safe,



J

[bchlyn]

thinking about you... take gentle care...lyn

[Typo]

Thank you all so much, it helps.
((((everyone))))

I honestly feel like there is this huge divide in my poor little brain, the part that says no and wants to stop and get better and then there is the other part that tells me yes and is always tempting me just to lose control.

I feel like I am standing on shakey ground today, I just don't know, I can't shake this feeling that is lying way down in my stomache, it's this deep sadness and I just can't get rid of it.

I think part of my problem is I'm close to just complete exhaustion physically which wears down my mental defenses. When Thursday roles around that would be 8 days I've worked without a day off and I was sick for three days I've already worked, my body is just screaming at me that it has had enought and mind is constantly just screaming at me. I'm sorry I'm babbling I'll stop. Sorry.

[MINIME]

Take care of yourself silver. I know when my body gets worn from stuff it makes everything all the more intense. I hope you can rest soon.