[Kiya]

.

[Christina86]

((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))))

Hang on. You can do this.

PM me if you ever need someone to talk to, ok?

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

[Kiya]

thank you christina and b bear. i think i am more stable today. i think it was old programming and the trigger came up. the destructives were close to having me take 28 pain pills from like 2 years ago that i found by accident the other day.
sorry - this fits like three catigories; DID, SI, and Abuse.
from talking in here and ppls pms i have been able to process the trigger and see it for what it was. programming that is bent on my destruction.

[bchlyn]

i am glad you didn't take the pills kiya... did you get rid of them?... stay safe... i care... lyn

[Kiya]

uh, no... i didn't get rid of them. not allowed. like i'm not allowed to get rid of the box cutter.

thanks lyn

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are loved.

Be safe.

[Fuzzybear]

[Kiya]

ty (((((((((((earthmama, fuzzy)))))))))))
doing better right now (4pm monday)
hate the mood changes. constant. annoying.

[Kiya]

Ahhhhhhhh and it persists..... sudden impulses to harm or destroy - or cut off all my hair with a blade or.... break everything on the counter. this isn't me - why do these urges happen? who is controlling them!?!?

Ugh, I can totally relate. I've been in and out of that mood all week - in it again today. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

I'm trying to remind myself that it will pass eventually, and I don't have to act on any of the thoughts and urges I'm having - I can just let them pass through my mind and leave. But it's hard, because I can't get any sort of immediate relief that way.

(((((((((((((((( kiya ))))))))))))))))) Just wanted you to know I hear you loud and clear!

[Kiya]

oooh thanks! helps to know that!!!
((((EM))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Kiya ))))))))))))))

[Kiya]

Whooooooooo thanks, fuzzy - i'm gonna need it today!!!

Rrrrowwww.

[(JD)]

((((Kiya)))))) Here's more then

[Cthomas]

(((KIYA)))

thanks for always supporting ME....heres a hug right back atcha.

hoping you find peace today
Colleen

[Christina86]

((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))) May the urges pass quickly. If you need to talk to anyone, you can always PM me.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

[Kiya]

(((((((((((( Sky, Colleen, Christina, BBear ))))))))))))))

thanks all. I hadn't even remembered this post. It is always nice to find unexcpected support waiting. =)

today was a hard day with lots of anxiety. I took care of it with chocolate as well as mochas (not allowed those things - so it is like harming). kiya

[sd463230]

I have felt like hurting myself a lot too.

[Kiya]

=( sorry you feel that way. try to stay safe. kiya

[bchlyn]

thinking about you... take gentle care kiya...lyn

[Kiya]

THere you are =) I've been wondering about you.
How are things?
i've had a few hard moments where i seriously was close to some bad juju.
since april 8th tho i've only had one cutting episode and had i think 5 cuts. so that is pretty dang good for me.

[Kiya]

I am working on breathing through this URGE to harm. urge to cut. urge . no . breathe. breathe deeper. URGE to go right through an artery or vein.
no
breathe through this. i can do this. these are waves and i candothis. GOSH This is so hard. i am gritting my teeth into sharp points. salt on my lip from biting it
must breathe - yoga breaths.
i really want to do this i WANT to do this.
breathe through the urge, through the wave. I know 20 minutes has passed. i must keep breathing - how long must i keep breathing????

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I hope you were able to work through it. I am sorry it is so hard for you right now.

BB