[jen29]

Hello everyone...how is everyone?
I am not soooo good. I am on vacation with my mom's side of the family. There are about 32 of us or so. Don't get me wrong I love my family and nothing like this has ever happened to me with my family before.
What set it off was Thursday night, one of my aunts made a comment that I was all scratched up and that I still must of had a cat. My other aunt chimed in and said I had a dog. This is what sent me off the wall. From then on I have stayed away from most everyone of my family. It's bad enough I have to stay in the same hotel room as my mom and step-dad. It's my mom's 60th B-Day and we are all together to celebrate. So am trying not to bring any attention to myself. I have just stayed far away from everyone, just going off by myself, or sitting outside.
Well I have been taking klonopin for anxiety and I am supposed to take 2 a day, well yesterday I ended up taking 5 of them. It didn't help at all, so I cut myself. I held it as long as I could but I just couldn't stand it anymore. When no one was in the room of the hotel, I got my chance to just let it out. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful I felt and was able to finally relax. I had a few aunts come up to me and ask if I was ok. but just started crying. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I am not one to let my feeling show.
I just wondering what am I supposed to do for the rest of vacation. It's still really early in the morning and have only seen my mom. I am sure she is upset with me because I brought this on myself, so she says. Maybe that's true, but I am not doing it intentionally.
Well, thanks for listening and sorry it is so long.

[Sannah]

Hi Jen, your aunt's seem to want to support you. Can you talk with them again?

[x_BabyG_x]

(((((((jen)))))))

babyg - x

[bipolar_bear]

When you are feeling especially distressed is it possible to call someone who can support you? Maybe a t? Is there a relative there that you feel safe talking to? I am so sorry as I am sure this is so hard for you. Would a walk help diffuse the strong feelings you are having?

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jen)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

[jen29]

Hi everyone, I am home from vacation. I only cut about 6 times in one night, so it didn't happen every night. My aunt was concerned, but told her everything was fine and to PLEASE not tell my mom. So my mom must not of heard anything because she never confronted me. I did try and call my T. She is away on vacation so I wont't get to see her for a week and a half. Pretty frusterating, but I knew she was going to be gone when I got back. I do see my P doc on Wednesday though. I have a lot of people telling me I NEED to be in the hospital NOW! I don't know what to think about that, sometimes I think I should and others I don't. I start going back to work the 4th of August, and am really nervous ecpecially with all these new symptoms and new things happening to me every day. But I need to go back because I am totally broke. I can't go to the hospital because my boss will say "You had a month off to go to the hospital and now I can't count of you again". So am really scared, so am just going to stay out of the hospital and try and get better sooner than later. I know that's really not possible, but maybe it will work.
Thanks for listening.