it kills me
they said i could stay in hosp. an get painkillers or they could maybe give them to my gf to give to me but i refused
it's my fault i hurt myself this bad so i have to deal with the consequences without numbing
i don't think i can even say anything else
if i say it in depression people will get mad and delete
i can't think well to express it in creative corner
it would be a waste of time to sit in support to find someone to talk to
i can't even talk irl

the pain kills me so bad
i was typing to a good friend earlier on IM then stopped for a bit
and i realized how much it kills my hand to type
and it's so stupid that even though i'm apparently lucky to be alive
and that this is killing me
the only thing i can thiknk of is finishing the job and self-injuring again
not that i can, i'm being watched 24/7 and i don't have the strength to get out of bed
all the scars i've left myself with from what i did, i look awful
although i'm killing my hand by typing right now
but i don't want to stop typing, i don't want to be alone because i can't talk
can't say more, don't want to offend
or have this deleted
just it kills me so bad, it's killing me that it hurts to breate, to type, to think, to keep my eyes open, to nod my head

idk i should probly still be in hospital but i hate it there and they can't make me stay

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((Vince))))))))))))))))

I hate hospitals too. I know we all care about you here, as does your GF, but perhaps you need to consider another option to take care of yourself? A lot of people care about you and nobody wants to see you hurting like this.

Please be safe, I mean that.

they say meds
or hospital
and therapy
but idk
i cant concentrate i cant focus i cant talk the pain is too bad
im writhing in pain it kills me and stupid me all i can think about is doin it again
cant tell who cares who doesnt
feels too bad
no one to talk to sat alone and noone to talk to
feels so awful its hurting to do anything

[x_BabyG_x]

Aww hun, I hope you feel better soon. Your not alone u have us to talk to you know

Keep posting, meg x

apparently i have people to "talk" to irl also
but funny thing
whenever people say they'll talk to you, they're not around when you really need them
just so &^%*ing awful
it's killing me, i want to curl up
instead i just grab at my pillow and scream into it because it's hurting so bad
i deserve this i did this to myself
this is punishment
but i can't take it
it's too bad

[Christina86]

I think you need to do something to take care of yourself. Your gf and the kids would be heartbroken if anything else happened to you... so would all of us here. You're important to a lot of people.

((((((((((((((Vince/Griffe))))))))))))))

You don't deserve the pain you're currently in. But please consider going back to the hospital, or getting meds and into therapy.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( griffe ))))))))))))))))

[Angel_of_the_Past]

(((((((((((((((( griffe ))))))))))))))))