[complic8d]

..because I was all positive in chat the other night, had thrown away razors, told my d that I didn't do that anymore. Because, I thought, there's really no reason to. NOW, I have a reason.. I hate myself. I'm such an emotional wreck at times. I just want to get away from me. I want the peace the cutting brings.. I'm still trying not to...don't want to..but do...
Everytime I am up I think "maybe this is the time, this will stay" I must be F%(&*%* delusional then. Sure, I'm gonna feel better,and then later feel like %#@&#!... and on and on it goes.
Anyway, when I start getting all "up" and "positive" don't believe it, it's just an illusion...
Sorry for ranting, and sounding so "well" the other day

[ginniesky]

aww...i am sorry you are feeling bad again ..

[complic8d]

((((ginnie))))
All those things I said in chat the other night I felt to be true at the time. I felt really good then. I don't know why either, not sure what happened today except t (which didn't seem that bad...and then?)
Do we spend our time just riding whichever way the current takes us.. with no control? That's how I feel.

Thanks for being a friend, sorry I'm not helpful right now, but I do care.

((((((((((((((((( complic8d ))))))))))))))))))))

Try to remember: when we are up, we won't feel that way forever..and when we are down, we won't feel that way forever. It will always change. I promise you that if you can ride out this bad time, there will be another good time. And then there will be another bad time...but there will be another good time after it. And eventually, there will be longer good times and shorter bad times.

It's okay to feel down. It doesn't mean that you didn't feel good, or that the things you thought and felt when you were feeling good weren't true.

Hang in there. I know the feeling of wanting to get away from "me" - but you know, it's just a temporary fix, and then there is the aftermath to deal with. You can do this. You can.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself some grace. Let yourself feel how you feel. It's okay.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((complic8d))))))))))))))))

Funny how your mood impacts how you see your world. I know the feeling of having life in control one day, and the next day you're back in the deep pit. It's the amount of times that you try to climb out that really matter. I can see that you're trying, and that's a good thing.

Self-fulling prophecy... if you think things will constantly fall again, then chances are that they will. How about instead of saying "I'm going to fail" or "I'm not going to fail" ... you say "Even if I do fail, I can always try again". Doesn't make you bad for falling, we all have done it numerous times.

[bchlyn]

((((((complic8d))))))))))) i am sorry that your struggling tonight... i know exactly what your talking about... sometimes i don't even know what triggers the urge. i am glad you still trying not too... take it in little bites... lyn

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((((comp))))))))))))))))
we all have the ups and downs.... try not to beat yourself up for it, k?

[Sannah]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
complic8d said:
Do we spend our time just riding whichever way the current takes us.. with no control?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's just it, no one can control their feelings. You must allow them to flow. Probably everyone who feels the need to control their feelings had their feelings controlled as a child and this was the problem. (Or they got the message that they had to control their feelings).

[bchlyn]

((((((complic8d))))))))))) how are you?

[complic8d]

Originally Posted by bchlyn

((((((complic8d))))))))))) how are you?

I haven't been on here for various reasons, but I'm back. I did not cut!
I got through the urge and I'm happy about that. Other than that I am on the biggest rollercoaster ride, so unpredictable day to day.
Thanks for thinking about me! The support I get here is so important, it's so nice to be with ppl who can understand.:Thanx:
Hope you are doing well, and staying safe.


(still trying to get used to this new forum--grrr)

[bchlyn]

ancing-Chilli: i am so glad you got through without cutting... i am glad your back...lyn