one step back 2 steps forward

On the sad side I cut myself last night. It was not bad, I can blame the marks on the rose bush. On the bright side I told my husband about the insanity that has been going on in my head. I told him my fears and how I knew the fears were not rational but I was afraid anyway and wanted not to be afraid. I told him about the monster in my head that has been screaming almost non-stop for the last week. He didn't say anything. I was frightened that he was upset with me. We were in bed so I rolled on my side and curled up into a little ball. Then he stroked me hair. That was all but it was enough. I fell asleep almost immediately and did not dream.
Carrie

<font color=blue>The important thing is this: to be able at any momeent to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.--Charles Du Bos

{{{{{{{{{{Carrie}}}}}}}}}}}}

Fears are scary even when you know that they are not rational. Maybe even especially when you know that they are not rational. Congratulations on being able to talk about it.
Wendy

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be...That's when you have to tell yourself that you can make things get better! There are times when people might disappoint you and let you down...Those are the times when you need to remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, and keep your life focused on believing in yourself! There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.Keep yourself headed in the right direction for YOU! It may not be easy at times...but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are!
So when days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, Remember to believe in yourself and all that you want your life to be!

Thankyou both for your support. I sure do appreciate it. I am doing good today. I have a bit of a headache but that is to be expected since this afternoon I purposefully put myself under a ton of pressure and anxiety. I WENT TO A SUPPORT GROUP! Whoo Hooo! It is for Bipolar and not BPD but the people there didn't mind that I was an odd ball. The leader who invited me in the first place was kind enough to help the others understand the way things work for me. Other then that all the feelings are the same. I am just set off by inter-relationship things and they are set off by...well I haven't figured that one out yet I need to read more on it so I will be more informed. I got a bunch of info at the meeting, the handouts will probably answer my questions. After the meeting one gal asked me out for a pop. We talked for almost an hour getting to know each other. It was nice. Unfortunately I work the next two Mondays so won't be able to go to the next couple of meetings. I am going to ask around work and see if anyone would like to pick up a couple of morning shifts. I hope they can. Hubby called from work to check up on me. He said he was worried. I was happy to tell him that I am better. The chatter in my head has quieted down. It has been quiet all afternoon since I left group. This is a good thing.
Carrie

<font color=blue>The important thing is this: to be able at any momeent to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.--Charles Du Bos