rage rage rage rage no one cares

dont know wat to do wif it all. want to shove the rage down ther throats an choke them to deth on it. what they did was so bad so evil and no one called them to account for my sake. no one knew and for damn sure NO ONE EVER CARED ABOUT ME. AND NO ONE WHO REALLY KNOWS ME CARES ABOUT ME. I AM INVISIBLE. YOU WOULD THINK PAIN THIS BAD WOULD GLOW LIKE RADIATION BUT NO, ITS INVISIBLE LIKE ME.

ITS JUST NOT FAIR AND I WISH I COULD DO SOMETHING ABOUTIT THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL POWER AGAIN. I DO NOT WANT TO BE SOME DAMN INVISBILE VICTIM. BUT I WILLNOT DO THAT BEFORE MY BODY GIVES UP AND DIES.

WHEN I FINALLY WEAR OUT AND DIE. THEY CAN PUT ON MY TOMBSTONE THAT I DID NOT DO LIKE THEY DID TO ME. EVER.

**** THEM ALL AND LET GOD HANDLE THE REST.

ME

You're not invisible I see you - I can hear your pain

I wish I had some magic wand to fix it all for you but all I can do is tell you I care and that you are important and special and things can get better - please be kind to yourself and take care of you - is there someone irl you can call to get all of this out into the open? a T? perhaps? if not keep posting here it helps

fanx u feenix,

u is nis persun. we is camd down now. we do hav a T but we dont usully calls her only goes on owr day. lesle mak us cal her now cos we went bonkers an scarey.

we lik u for ritin us wen u don evn kno us. u so nis. we hope things is ok for u today. by by. the pixies

we all really do appreciate you phoenix7. last night got uber-bad.

leslie

ps, my pm box is open if you ever need a listener. the road runs both ways.

(((((((((((( multi ))))))))))))

Sometimes the anger bubbles up and has to come out somewhere. I guess it's best to work with T on how to do it safely......you've already been hurt enough hon....don't want to hurt yourself more

I hope today is a better day for you all of you.


sabby

(((leslie & pixies)))

sorry it got so bad. i hear your anger too, and see it. (even if it's "just" text - there's a song that goes "i want these words to make the wrongs right but it's the wrongs that make the words come to life" - so words are powerful.)

glad you guys called your T.

hope you have a peaceful sunday

safe hugs from
twilight

so much rage has been building, never allowed anger, programmed to do whatever, whenever and not show the feelings or it got worse. my belief in God saved me from suicide but i was taught a lot of mistaken ideas about God and how i must not be angry with God because nothing is His fault. that is true, but that doesn't help a small child cope with massive injustice and cruelty.

thanks for the encouragement sabby, i know you care.

twilight, thank you too, invisibility while hurting is agony to me. i hope i can call my T today on sunday is bad day to interrupt her life. i find it so hard to ask for one inch outside the box of our time.

in a weird way i'm encouraged - now that i am past the raging, i've needed to let this out for so long, its been killing me inside.

(((((((((( leslie & pixies )))))))) i'm not very good with words but i care and i'm listening. sending you safe hugs and wishing you well

griffe, you being here an posting is good. i know how much you are struggling too and it makes your effort matter a lot.

i was just thinking about you a few minutes ago. it's been really hard again for you. i am concerned, you are great with words when you are speaking creatively and i've never read a post where you did not make yourself clearly understood. i hope you will stop saying you are not good with words, it makes my jaw drop after reading your posts, silly griffe.

believe it or not i am doing better today. i called my T, on a sunday for pete's sake. we talked about what happened and i melted down all over again and freaked out. these feelings breaking out of the programming they rammed into me. my pixies and i thought it was gonna kill us or do something bad to us. like maybe feelings could kill me.

griffe, can feelins kills us??? do u knos abowt dat? is u werid abowt that too? i am. all the bad feelins las nite scart me i wud di.

bye leli ritin for kiki cos she too smalls

I think somtimes it feels like the emotions will kill us - do you know that emotional pain registers in the same part of the brain as physical pain? - thats why it can feel so bad - the only differnec is you can take a painkiller for physical pain - but working with a T to get rid of the emotional pain take s longer and is harder.

Your pain called out to mine as it does to everyone here - so you will never be invisible or alone here -

I am glad you called your T - having a meltdown with T is having it in the safest place possible and I hope it helped and that you are feeling better today P7

and I really hope that it gets better for everyone here too - one day the pain will be healed and we can be free

Awesome post Phoenix7, you really do encourage me and i agree that pain can feel life threatening. i do look forward to be able to have a full range of feelings and not being scared of myself while i go through them. oy vey!!! yesterday scared me a lot.

i feel people's pain on here also and i calls to me and i wish i can lift some of the weight for a while at least.

i was kinda glad that i was able, in fact unable to avoid my feelings with her this past morning. it did help and it tells her things i was not able to say before. if i was with my daughter she would quip, from the movie Steel Magnolias, the expression "That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger" and then we'd laugh. we love some old chick flicks and quoting dialogue makes us smile.

i hope things go well for you this week, feel free to pm anytime. hugs,

leslie and pixies

(((leslie & pixies)))

glad the overwhelming emotions got better!

(and many thanks for your lengthy reply - i figured that by minime you meant me, hehe - anyway, thank you. i'm still a bit overwhelmed too)

hope you're having a wonderful morning! (edit: well - it must be a very very early morning for you but i hope it will be good nevertheless.)

hugs from
twilight

thanks multipixie, the pm thing works both ways

want to hear somthing funny... I have that quote on my locker!

((((((((((leslie & pixies)))))))))

I'm glad you okay.